Part 13 (1/2)
How still that scene of death!
My friend 'mid twilight gloom, Lay gasping hard for breath; The death dews on her temples stood; She smiled adieu, and crossed the flood.
Angels were hov'ring round, And breathing incense there; Almost I heard the sound Of wings upon the air; Light as the breeze, and clear as light, Her happy spirit took its flight.
Back on that solemn hour My thoughts are often cast; Be mine such faith and power To triumph at the last; With smiles to meet my latest foe, And die eternal life to know.
I am like Noah's dove. The world is a dreary waste of waters without anything upon which I can set my foot. My friends are dying, and disappointments common.--Wrote to Mr. B. on the importance of preparing to meet G.o.d; and enclosed three sermons on eternity.--Four persons, whom I have visited this week, have pa.s.sed into eternity.
These I have warned, urged, and pointed to Jesus. Of three of them I entertain hope; but Oh! the danger of delay, and the responsibility of visiting sick beds!--I have been much troubled with the inattention and neglect of a servant. This is permitted for the trial of my faith and patience, and my earnest prayer is, that I may secure the good intended. With respect to my inward experience, I have access to G.o.d, and can more implicitly pour my wants into the ears of Him, who waits to answer. I now enjoy, through Christ, solid peace. Many precious seasons for want of opportunity to record them pa.s.s unnoticed, and some painful exercises, in which I have to sing my deliverer's praise.
”Sinnington. I have enjoyed sweet communion with my best friend, and in pouring out my soul among my dear relations. Mr. B. has read the little book I sent him, and carries it about with him in his pocket.
With me he appears more social; but it is the work of G.o.d to change the heart. Still, he is laid upon my mind to remember him before the Lord. My dear uncle, although in apparent health for his years (eighty-one), is increasingly deaf, and almost cut off from intercourse with society, so that he seeks to be alone. In a conversation I had with him, he told me how the Lord blessed him, and how he meditated in the night season. In this place I am secluded from my usual care. Lord help me to improve the opportunity. I can truly say, I long to sink, to rise, and grow in all the image of G.o.d.--I felt much in parting with my friends, especially my dear uncle, who said he should perhaps see me no more. I reminded him of our meeting above, and endeavoured to urge upon him a preparation for it.--On reviewing the week, I have endeavoured to walk circ.u.mspectly, redeeming the time, and enjoyed union with G.o.d, both in private, and at the family altar; but yet I want more uniformity in my walk with G.o.d. Mrs. H. accompanied me to see two poor widows; and, inviting some of the neighbours in, we read and conversed, and prayed with them. I felt inclined to go again.--A good cla.s.s-meeting--after which I went to visit the widows; four more persons came in. My heart was enlarged while I endeavoured to exhort them to flee from the wrath to come, and prayed with them.--I have returned to spend the last hour of the year at home. I feel a prayerful frame, and a determination to give myself and all my powers to G.o.d. Though buffeted by the enemy, my heart is fully resolved. I will be Thine,--save me.
Oh! Thou, who dost in secret see My lifted heart, and bended knee; While now my soul pours out the prayer, O let it find acceptance there: Come now, and claim me for Thy own, And make my heart Thy glorious throne.
Twelve o'clock. Another year is gone.”
XVII.
THE MOTHER IN ISRAEL.
”THE h.o.a.rY HEAD IS A CROWN OF GLORY, IF IT BE FOUND IN THE WAY OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.”--Prov. xvi. 31.
There are some countenances which even in advanced life are singularly beautiful; lit up with a heavenly l.u.s.tre which rivals the freshness and bloom of youth. Such was the countenance of my venerated mother, on the eve of threescore years. Her expressive features discovered the rich adornment of her soul. It was the outbeaming of hidden glory within;--the reflection of beauty caught by constant and secret communion with G.o.d;--the bright halo of love, joy and peace in the Holy Ghost. Though in the middle period of life the subject of frequent and severe attacks of pain in the head, which, for the time, greatly enfeebled her, she had, by the blessing of G.o.d upon the use of suitable means in connection with her abstemious habits, overcome the force of disease, and recovered a degree of strength and vigour which was remarkable. Her step was light and active; her gait erect; and as, in consequence of the removal of her children into active life, she was now, to a great extent, freed from domestic duties, she might often be seen in the streets of the city hasting upon her errands of mercy. The care of three cla.s.ses, two of which were large, together with her numerous engagements in every department of usefulness, which the church opened out to her, furnished her with continual employment, and hence, at this period, her diary is a detail rather of Christian activity than of inward experience.
”1839.--The Covenant-service was a solemn season; yet I did not feel so much sensible comfort as firmness of purpose to consecrate myself to G.o.d; seeing how greatly it concerned my interest, and what condescension it implied, on the part of G.o.d, to accept of one so unworthy.--Entered upon subscriptions for the new chapel.--Poor f.a.n.n.y McD. has a second time been severely burnt. I saw her this morning; she was just able to say 'yes,' when asked, if she was happy. About twelve she expired. I am thankful I had the opportunity of commending her soul to G.o.d. It was good to go to the house of mourning. For ten years I have collected, or given her, the amount of her rent; and for one year provided a woman to wait upon her.--As I was going to f.a.n.n.y's funeral, I was accosted by a young woman, who seemed to know me: but of whom I had no recollection, until she told me that she had formerly met with me, but had wandered from G.o.d, and was now made willing to return. The next day being my cla.s.s, I invited her to come. She did so; and said, that as she was going out the day before, she was strongly impressed to pray for a blessing, and thought within herself, 'Why should I? I am not going to chapel.' She concluded that our meeting was providential. G.o.d grant she may again get into the right way.--A blessed Sabbath to me; it was good at the morning prayer-meeting;--good in the forenoon;--good to visit the house of mourning;--and good to point to Jesus some old women who desired to behold Him.--I have this day surrendered my Sabbath cla.s.s into the hands of Mrs. H., during her stay in York, having latterly had so little time for reading, and she desires employment.--The perusal of some of my old MS.S. has been the means of rousing my spirit. Save me, O G.o.d, from spiritual sloth; I see the danger; may I fear it more than ever, never looking at others, but always looking unto Thee.--The month of my nativity. My obligations to G.o.d are twelve months deeper, and myself a bankrupt--dependant upon the bounty of providence, and abased under a sense of my ingrat.i.tude, nevertheless my purpose is to live for G.o.d alone: my faith strengthens, and I have a little love--
'Tis but a drop, O might it grow.
And all my happy soul o'erflow!”
”I accompanied my husband to Harrogate, where I now write, having secured a quiet retired spot which just suits me. Help me, Lord, to improve the opportunity which this quietude affords. I can truly say my soul longs for G.o.d; yea, for the living G.o.d.--Much liberty in family prayer. I was drawn out on behalf of the visitors who were about to leave in the forenoon. The old gentleman seemed affected.
Tears came into his eyes when I bade him farewell. He thanked us for all our favours, which could only refer to our presenting him at the throne of grace--a duty we owe to all men. O Lord, help me more faithfully to discharge it!--Went to Goldsbro'; and accompanied Mrs.
D. to see a neighbour, who was deeply affected under the sermon the previous Sabbath. Our visit was welcomed, and after a little conversation we got upon our knees, when the Lord was very present.
Mrs. W., the person upon whom we called, pressed us much to go again, which we did after tea, before we left the place. She then expressed her confidence in G.o.d, and determined to cast in her lot among the people of G.o.d.
”Sinnington. I was much pressed in spirit to visit a certain family in the village, and got cousin P. to accompany me. My errand was to urge the parents to seek the Lord. It was a softening time. The Lord opened my mouth, and enlarged my heart. Both the master and mistress wept. Oh!
that it may not be as the morning cloud and early dew. I feel hope.
The message of mercy came wrapp'd in disease, Destroying my comfort, and spoiling my ease; Enclosed in the foldings a jewel I found, And a circlet of diamonds encompa.s.s'd it round; I eagerly seiz'd it, and read on the seal A name newly graven, I cannot reveal; But, where it is present, no sorrow can dwell, Affliction is welcome, and all must be well.
”Returning from chapel, I met with a person who was a stranger to saving grace, and invited her into a house, where I was going to see a sick person. There I prayed with them. The woman seemed much affected, and to me it was a season of refres.h.i.+ng. In the afternoon I saw several afflicted people, among whom I was encouraged and humbled, thankful, and almost overwhelmed with the troubles I was made acquainted with. After the evening service, in company with Mrs. R. I visited another woman. There is no hope of her recovery. She is quite ignorant of salvation, but exceedingly desirous of instruction. We had much power in prayer, and reluctantly left her. I determined to go again in the morning, but, before I set off, she sent for me, I found her perfectly sensible, but the hand of death was upon, her. I pointed her to Christ, and, while engaged in prayer, the power of faith was sweetly given. When. asked by her husband if she was happy, she said with emphasis, 'Yes'.--Another half hour, and the year 1839 is gone for ever! How precious these moments seem! But to the last, my hand, moved by the feelings of my soul, shall write Thy precious name--JESUS!--my Saviour! my G.o.d! my all! I now stand on the brink of another important division of time. What it will develope. G.o.d only knows; but my firm determination is to live for G.o.d. On my knees--surrounded by the unseen Deity--I give myself to Thee,--to reign in, and rule over me for ever. The moment is fled.”
”1840. Saw Mrs. H., whom I found in dying circ.u.mstances. She was at cla.s.s on New Year's Eve, when I urged her to lay hold upon Christ,--cautioning her not to remain unsaved, and expressing my fears lest she should do so. She appeared much affected, and remained at the bottom of the stairs to kiss me, ere we parted. Little did I think it would be the last time: but such is the frailty of our nature.--At the request of a lady, whom Mrs. R. and I were providentially called to visit, we went to form a cla.s.s in her house. It was a blessed season, although we had only herself to begin with. [This lady she continued to visit weekly for a considerable time, until death rendered her visits unnecessary.] It is long since I heard from Richard, but the promise has been repeated: 'Though it tarry, wait for it, because it will surely come, it will not tarry.' So for some days I have been hoping. [Two days after she writes.] Just as we were about to commence family-wors.h.i.+p, the postman brought two letters,--one from Richard, and one from Mary Ann. The tidings are affecting, and strongly exhibit the guardian care of Providence.--Without a servant, but in no wise discontent.--I visited Miss Rosetta W., who is declining fast, and has for some time been under considerable depression. The Lord was pleased to remove the cloud. The change was perceptible in her countenance.--A memorable day in consequence of the fire at the west-end of the Cathedral--occasioned, it is supposed, by the carelessness of a workman, who was employed to repair the clock; at least, nothing further has been elicited. The spectacle was awfully grand, and supplied me with an errand to the throne. The burning particles flew over several streets, and descended like flakes of snow. Surely the Providence of G.o.d preserved us. Visited a lady, by her own request, who is desirous of salvation. She has attended Mrs. C.'s cla.s.s since it has been committed to my care.--Called on Mr. W., and looked upon the remains of dear Rosetta, who left this suffering world in triumph, waving her hand, and endeavouring to shout victory, the morning after I saw her last.--While meditating on the 15th chapter of John, the word was conveyed with power to my heart; but I want a constant spirit, never to be weary in the search, of truth. I was led to see how the Saviour's words, 'Without me ye can do nothing,' are often improperly applied, and made an excuse for spiritual sloth; since it is our own fault, if we have not strength, because He has commanded us to abide in Him.--Mrs. C.'s cla.s.s was met by Mr. E. From this time I suppose I am to be recognized as the leader. In accepting this additional responsibility, I am affected by a sense of my own unfitness for the work, and the honour which the Lord puts upon me; for I look not at second causes, in thus placing me to watch over His people. It is, and may it ever be, a stimulus to seek a closer walk with G.o.d, that I may know His will, and act in conformity with it.
Walking down High Ousegate about half-past eight in the evening, in company with my daughter, I had my pocket picked of a small silver box, given me by a cousin. I can, and have prayed for the miscreant who did it; but wish to have my box again: I fear this is wrong; it is not like Paul, who suffered the loss of all things without regret.--Several ladies commenced cutting out clothing for the poor.
May we be clothed with humility. Our interview was pleasant.--On returning from my band, I found a note from our landlord, giving us notice to quit in six months, in consequence of some proposed buildings in connexion with the railway station. For a moment I was startled, as we hoped our residence was fixed for the term of life; but my mind soon fell into a profitable train of reflection. I thought, ere this term has expired, a higher mandate may be sent to quit my clay tenement, when I must give up my account. My heart feels it is well, and will be well.--This morning I traversed the haunts of the 'navvies' to give tracts to as many as I could. It has been my purpose this day to surrender the powers of my body and soul to G.o.d; and I have steadily kept it in view. Still, I need the 'blood of sprinkling' through which alone I can be accepted.--Finished my month's visitation to the school. I might have better improved the opportunity; but imperfection characterises all I do.--Had the honour of breakfasting with a few of the Lord's servants, and was much gratified with the firmness of one, who stood almost alone in an opinion clearly right, respecting a book called _'The Centenary Takings.'”_
”1841.--I had the junior members of my cla.s.ses to tea, to sew for the poor. Mrs. A. and Mrs. R. came to a.s.sist in making our meeting a profitable one.--My mind has been deeply impressed with the solemn occurrences of this day. For some time I have been wont to visit Mrs.
B. every Sat.u.r.day, to converse and pray with her. I found her very ill; and after rubbing her back for some time, to relieve the pain from which she was suffering, I knelt down and prayed with her, being particularly drawn out for a present blessing. When I rose, I pressed upon her the necessity of taking hold of Christ; she replied, 'I have nothing else.' Thus I left her, little thinking that I should see her no more; but so it is, for a short time after I had left, she expired.--My dear daughter Mary commenced a cla.s.s with two members.
Mrs. A., Miss B., Mrs. M., and myself, a.s.sisted at the commencement.
How simple are the unadulterated truths of the Gospel! 'He was made an offering for sin' Amazing love! 'It pleased the Lord to bruise him.'
Bow down, my soul, in humble astonishment and adoration; and see in the cross the malignity of sin, and the majesty of love,