Part 14 (1/2)
A cab pul ed in front of the hotel so quickly that Jefferson surmised it had been stuck in the Broadway traffic. Without seeming to move, the doorman was beside it, sweeping the pa.s.senger door open. A leg appeared, high-heeled shoe first, then a long calf with the edge of a dark, clinging skirt at its peak.
LA had been good to s.h.i.+rley. Jefferson smel ed her own sweat and the tango began again. Had s.h.i.+rley changed so much, or had Jefferson forgotten the poise, the warm smile, the arms that hugged as if they were made for welcoming back old lovers? Didn't s.h.i.+rley remember how Jefferson had dumped her, abandoned her in that sleazy bar for a quickie with a woman she'd had her eye on for weeks and who'd final y returned Jefferson's interest that night? She couldn't hug s.h.i.+rley back, so consumed was she by the old guilt.
”Come on up, handsome. The years have seasoned you nicely.” s.h.i.+rley offered her arm.
Jefferson didn't so much hear and see as feel the cab pul away, leaving a vacuum she suddenly had to fil . Instead of being in the hotel waiting for their meeting, s.h.i.+rley had been out living her own life and caught Jefferson off balance. And she hadn't expected s.h.i.+rley to have this presence, this woman-of-the-world air of command.
”Jefferson?” s.h.i.+rley said after a moment.
Quickly, Jefferson answered, ”I thought we could go to the coffee shop around the corner.”
”Oh, G.o.d, Jeff. I am so wiped, I have to use the little girls' room, and I long to change out of this monkey suit. You can wait in the lobby if you want, but I promise not to bite.”
The doorman was watching the sky, hands behind his back. Jefferson felt like she was at the tail end of a tug of war, pul ed forward under the canopy by a need to put an end to a past that shamed her, pul ed back by temptations of repeating that past. In the few seconds she needed to make a decision, s.h.i.+rley's face adopted a look of concern; the doorman's, one of even deeper suspicion.
”Jefferson?”
She linked s.h.i.+rley's arm with her own and steered her into the lobby.
It was hot in there and smel ed like the steam heat of old New York buildings. As they crossed the lobby she could see herself, s.h.i.+rley's elbow cupped in her hand, in a mirror. The floor was a huge black-and-white checkerboard, and s.h.i.+rley's heels clicked across it.
”What's the story, handsome?” s.h.i.+rley asked. ”This isn't kidnapping at my age, you know.”
Jefferson managed a smile. They sat facing each other on a faded couch. Cream-painted columns dotted the lobby like elderly guests half-snoozing the afternoon away.
s.h.i.+rley's arm burned against Jefferson's palm. She had always touched women like lovers, she realized. It was as much second nature to her as worrying about how she looked. Was it too late to learn how to be friends?
”Do you mind if we don't go upstairs?”
”Since when is Jefferson afraid of the big bad wolf?”
”Aw, hel , s.h.i.+rley. That's the problem. I am the big bad wolf. If I went up there with you I might act like I used to, and that's not what I want.” She felt about as debonair and in control of this situation as the three little pigs.
”What do you want, Jeffers?”
Now she remembered what had sparked her desire for s.h.i.+rley. Those vivid blue eyes, like a splash of cold water, a surprise every time. As she always had, Jefferson stared into them, withdrew from their intimacy, but went back for more. She made her hands crawl inside her pants pockets where she fingered a heart-shaped stone Ginger had found on the beach during their trip to Florida. There would be no casual touching of s.h.i.+rley, no touching at al . ”I want to apologize.”
The blue eyes looked shocked. ”For what? For being the prettiest butch I ever beguiled into my bed?”
”You beguiled me into your bed?” It had never occurred to Jefferson that the campaign might have been mutual.
s.h.i.+rley lifted wavy hair back from her eyes. ”Don't you remember? I interrupted the great chase. You wanted what's-her-name, that siren everybody was after. What was her name?”
”Cindy?” Jefferson asked, guessing.
”Yes. And the last time you and I went out together-wel , you got drunk again and I decided Cindy could have you. So what are you apologizing to me for?”
Jefferson sat straight up and ran her fingers through her hair. s.h.i.+rley had let her go. ”For disappearing on you at the bar. For going off with Cindy.”
s.h.i.+rley was stil toying with her own hair. She shrugged. ”That's the way it was back then. Or the way I was. Trying out this one and that one. Not that you didn't measure up the nights we spent together.” s.h.i.+rley looked up into Jefferson's face from under her hair, her laugh like melting chocolate.
Jefferson struggled to get out of the past, the bar, the guilt of having abandoned this woman. ”What did you do?”
s.h.i.+rley narrowed her eyes and c.o.c.ked her head. ”Are you serious? What do you think I did? We did?”
”I didn't mean the nights we spent together, s.h.i.+rl. After I left you. In the bar.”
”Actual y, I'd rather describe our nights together. But who can remember a bit of it? Why?”
Jefferson pul ed herself back on track. ”Because I need to apologize for a lot of things. It's part of getting wel for me.”
s.h.i.+rley relaxed against the couch now and seemed to study Jefferson. ”Okay,” she said after a while. ”Thanks. I appreciate you caring after al these years.” She smiled. ”I like you better this way, you know. Undrunk.”
Nodding, Jefferson smiled. ”Yes. Me too.”
”Whatever happened to that fancy dancer you lived with? Was she real y the love of your life like you claimed or your perpetual chase? You butches do like your conquests-especial y the straight ones.”
”We're stil together.” She added in a mutter, ”No thanks to me.”
s.h.i.+rley reached over and ruffled Jefferson's hair. ”You look like a drowned rat. You want to come up and dry off, you charming big bad wolf? My promise stil holds.”
”Your promise?”
”That I won't bite.”
Jefferson fil ed her lungs with air and exhaled very slowly. The tug of war had started again. Couldn't she spend some time getting acquainted with this woman she obviously didn't know at al ? She almost pul ed her comb from her pocket, but stopped herself. How she looked didn't matter. ”Okay.”
”Good.” s.h.i.+rley stood and started toward the elevator. Jefferson watched her, her hips, from across the checkerboard floor. The rain stil poured down loudly outside the windows on the other side of the lobby.
s.h.i.+rley whirled at the elevator, c.o.c.ked a hand on her hip as if presenting herself for Jefferson's inspection, and asked, ”Because tel me the truth, Jeffers, am I real y your typical Red Riding Hood?”
She remembered that tiny girl in the red cape who'd come out of the hotel earlier. She laughed, shaking her head. ”No, you're not. But I liked being the big bad wolf so much I thought you were.” She joined s.h.i.+rley and, as the elevator lifted them, could almost see the old wolf in the lobby below, waving good-bye.
Chapter Twenty-Two.
While Jefferson was stil in the city, she had watched a lot of crime shows, starting with Missing Persons in the 1990s. At first it drew her because Jorja Fox, who'd been on Ellen, was in it, but more recently she'd gotten into Without a Trace. One night, as she watched, she realized that her life was an episode. Should she have reported Ginger missing? Had Ginger's parents done so?
”So cal her parents,” her enduring best friend, Lily Ann Lee, urged. They were at Jefferson's apartment on the Upper West Side. It had the luxury of two smal bedrooms, and she and Ginger had fil ed it up nicely together. The monthly maintenance fee was hefty, but she could cover it without help from Ginger. It had been their home for decades.
Lily Ann had come over to help her move Ginger's belongings into the second bedroom, which Jefferson had been putting off, unable to bear the finality of packing Ginger away.
”I did cal Ginger's parents. Four times.” She rested her forehead on Lily Ann's shoulder. ”They hung up on me.”
Lily Ann patted her on the back. ”I thought you al got along.”
”So did I. But now she's with a guy and they must be in pig heaven.”