Part 43 (1/2)
OLD LADY (at a ball game)--”Why do they call that a fowl? I don't see no feathers.”
O'RILEY--”No ma'am. It's a picked nine.”
Men are deceivers as a rule, And trust them far you never can; Though at confectioner's sometimes You may unearth a candied man!
A lady was looking for her husband and inquired anxiously of a housemaid, ”Do you happen to know anything of your master's whereabouts?”
”I'm not sure, ma'am,” replied the careful domestic, ”but I think they are in the wash.”
”Have you much room in your new flat?”
”Room! Mercy me, I should think not. Why, our kitchen and dining-room are so small that we have to use condensed milk.”
”Couples making love will beware of the rubber plant.” ”While driving through the park don't speak to your horses. They carry tales.” ”All animals are not in cages. There are some dandelions on the lawn.”
She heard the fog-horn blowing, ”And what is that?” quoth she, The sailor merrily Replied: ”it's just the dog-watch, ma'am, Whose bark is on the sea.”
”She thinks that her husband is very economical.”
”In what way?”
”She says that although he is pa.s.sionately fond of cloves, he never eats but one at a time.”
”I saw your sister on the street to-day.”
”How was she looking?”
”I don't know. I didn't see her face.”
”How did you know it was my sister?”
”Oh, I'm quick at figures.”
”What is the secret of success?” asked the Sphinx.