Part 34 (1/2)

The first kiss only comes once in a lifetime.

The trouble with the fellow who loses his temper is that he always finds it again.

The man who plays the ba.s.s drum should have no difficulty in beating his way.

An amateur performance for charity demonstrates that charity uncovers a mult.i.tude of sins.

It takes a musical crank to play a hand organ.

It is possible to square yourself without resorting to cube root.

While some people mount upward to the pinnacle of fame, others reach the height of folly.

A faint heart may never win a fair lady, but five of them have won many a jackpot.

The portrait tumbled from the wall And hit the young man's head.

”A striking likeness!” That was all The rueful punster said.

The fact that a man has not cut his hair for ten or twelve years need not necessarily imply that he is eccentric. He may be bald.

When a couple are about to elope the young man asks, ”Does your mother know your route?”

”I will not sit that way!” angrily screamed the obstinate lady in the photographer's gallery. ”I can't, and I won't; so there!”

”Madame,” said the photographer, ”it will be impossible for me to make a good negative of you unless you quit being so positive.”

An Irishman in order to celebrate the advent of a new era, went out on a lark. He didn't get home, till 3 o'clock in the morning, and was barely in the house before a nurse rushed up and, uncovering a bunch of soft goods, showed him triplets. The Irishman looked up at the clock which said 3, then at the three of a kind in the nurse's arms, and said: ”O'im not superst.i.tious, but thank Hivins thot Oi didn't come home at twilve!”