Part 33 (1/2)

HE--Did you ever see anything at so-called bargain sales that was really cheap?

SHE--Yes; the look on the man's face who accompanied his wife to one of them.

TEACHER OF DRAWING CLa.s.s--”Willie, tell me how you would make a maltese cross.”

WILLIE--”Step on his tail, mum.”

GUEST--”Look here, waiter, do you call this a spring chicken? By the lord Harry, it is as tough as a mother-in-law's tongue.”

WAITER--”Yes, sir, I suppose it was hatched from a hardboiled egg!”

”About the only time my tailor gives his customers regular fit,”

said b.u.t.tons, ”is when they neglect to pay their bills.”

A man with the heart disease is about the only chap who desires a ”regular beat” for a bosom friend.

The landlord came to Mrs. O'Hooligan on the first day of May last, and said: ”See here, my foine loidy, I am going to raise your rent.” ”Oh thanks be to the Lord,” said Mrs. O'Hooligan, ”I'm so glad that you intend to raise it for me as Dan aint'

working and I'm nather able nor willing to raise it myself.”

HE--The bride looks radiant, as brides usually do.

SHE--Yes, but the bridegroom appears rather run down.

HE--Run down eh? That's just it; caught after a long chase.

SHE--You look as though you had raised Ned at your club last night.

HE--I did; and, what is worse, he raised me back.