Part 21 (1/2)

I sat there, the phone still in my hand as I processed what she had just said. What did she mean by that? Or had she meant anything at all? I buried my face in my hands. I seemed to be reading into everything she said, and that was not good.

”Why?” I moaned into the empty room.

Beth drove us to Laney's house in the piece of c.r.a.p car she'd bought over the summer. ”Hey, it was cheap and gets me where I need to go.” Had been her defense. ”Okay. Well it sort of gets me where I'm going.” She had grudgingly amended.

Laney Wilson was one of my best friends at CU, and had taken to Beth right away. Everyone had fallen in love with Beth when I'd introduced her. She was so charming, and fun. She had fit in just fine. Sitting in the pa.s.senger seat that had been taped together with duct tape, I thought about this. I was glad Beth got along with my friends. It made it much easier for us. However, part of me, the childish, selfish part, wanted Beth all to myself. When she had shown up at my dorm, she had looked great in a pair of loose cords, and a tucked in flannel. Her hair, which she had begun to grow out the year before, was s.h.i.+ny and clean, her long bangs tucked behind her ears. She had looked great. But then, Beth would look great in a potato sack.

I watched as the night pa.s.sed by the windows, the darkness tinged with a pinkish/orange hue from the snow reflecting off the street lights. It was truly a wondrous night.

Laney's house was well lit, cars everywhere they could possibly find a place to park, as well as one or two on the front lawn. I wondered if Laney knew this? Pulsing base bounced around the night, vibrating the air. The Go Gos song, ”Head Over Heels” throbbed out the front door. I smiled. I had fond memories of that song from the year before. Beth and I made our way up to the house, and went inside.

Blindly, I made my way down the side aisle of the church, the tears in my eyes making it impossible to see any of the sympathetic faces that I pa.s.sed. I didn't want to see them, anyway. I had to get myself together.

Once out in the cold, October air, I leaned against the brick building, my eyes closed as I took in deep breaths, filling my lungs.

”Emily.” My eyes opened and I turned my head to see Rebecca standing just outside the door. ”Are you okay, babe.” She said, her voice quiet as she walked over to me. I pushed away from the wall, crossing my arms over my chest to ward off the chill. I think I was also trying to push her out, make myself inaccessible to her.

”Yes. I'm fine.” I said with a sigh. I really just wanted to be alone. She stepped closer, placing her hand on my arm. I could feel her eyes on me, the worry radiating off her in waves.

”What is it, Emily? Pleas don't shut me out. Talk to me.”

”What would you like me to say?” I asked, turning on her, taking a step back. She sucked in a surprised breath, her eyes wide. ”I just,” I stopped, looking out into the parking lot, trying to think just what I was trying to say. ”I think I just need to be alone right now, Rebecca. I need to think.” I looked back at her with pleading eyes. She nodded, her eyes wondering, not able to meet mine.

”Okay.” She said, then walked away. I could see the slump in her shoulders, the edge in her walk. She was hurt, and confused. I felt terrible. Why was I not able to let her in? Explain to her what was going through my head? I supposed because I was not sure, myself.

”Hey, you two.” Laney grinned when she saw us walk into the small house. She came over to us and hugged me, patting Beth on the shoulder. ”Good for you, Beth. Don't know how you got her to come, but good for you.” Beth grinned down at me.

”I gave her a word.” Laney's brows drew in confusion, but she just shrugged when Beth did not explain any further.

”Um, okay. Well, anyway, have fun, ladies.” She winked at me, and I stared at her retreating back as she disappeared between dancing bodies.

”Alrighty then,” Beth said, rubbing her hands together. ”I want a drink.” She began to look around, trying to find where the alcohol was being kept. ”A ha!” she exclaimed, tugging me by the hand toward a distant place in the corner of the room.

”You know, it really must be nice being tall.” I grumbled as I tried to avoid a nasty collision with some writhing person who was getting into the beat of the Go Gos just a bit too much.

”What are you having, Em?” I heard asked. I snapped my head around from looking at the other party-goers to see Beth holding two bottles in each hand. I scrunched up my nose. ”Come on, Em. Just have one drink. For me?” she begged, the bottom lip sticking out. I had such an urge to nip that protruding lip between my teeth. Taken aback by my thoughts, I actually took a step back.

”Okay. One. I don't care. Whatever you're drinking.”

Beth handed me a gla.s.s bottle, which surprised me. I looked up at her, and she shrugged. ”Eh, figured you'd be able to handle a Coors and still study later.” I grinned at her, and followed her through the throng of people until we ran into a few of our other friends. We all stood around talking when I noticed a woman walk into the house with another girl, neither of which I knew. The woman looked around her long, brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. She spotted our little circle of friends, and stared at me, then brown eyes moved on to Beth where they stayed. I stared at her as she stared at my best friend. I wanted to find some way to ward her off, get her to leave Beth alone, even if she was just looking. I hated the feeling of jealousy, but it permeated my body, making me angry.

”h.e.l.lo? Earth to Emily?” my head snapped around until I saw our friend Richard staring at me, his eyes expectant.

”Sorry. What?” I asked as I sipped my beer, trying to not wince. Nasty, nasty stuff.

The party dragged on, as parties tend to do. I was not a fan of them. Never had been, and certainly never saw myself as being one. As my conversation continued with Richard and his girlfriend, Ann, I turned to ask Beth a question, and noticed that she was gone. My brows drew, and I looked around.

”She want dancing, Emily.” Richard said. I looked back at him, shocked. I had never seen her go. I sighed, suddenly feeling very alone.

I stood in the back of the sanctuary leaning against the wall as the minister said his last words, bringing the service to an end. My eyes grazed the crowd, seeing the backs of their heads as they all listened, some putting their coats on, or gathering their children. Ready to leave. My eyes strayed back to the front, seeing the minister with his eyes closed as he finished with a prayer, then gave the congregation instructions as to where the service would be to inter Beth. I walked out, headed toward my parent's car. I'd wait for them there.

Many beers, a few dances, and many discussions later, I began to wonder through Laney's house, looking for Beth. I was ready to go home. It was late, and I was beyond tired, my mind reeling to the test I had the next day. I peeked into the bedrooms, the kitchen, even the bathroom, but she was nowhere to be found. Curiously enough, I realized that I had not seen the brunette since, either. I knew I was being silly, but still....

I tossed my half-empty beer into the trash under the kitchen sink, and glanced out the window, and saw some people scattered throughout the backyard. Curious, I opened the back door, and stepped out onto the back porch, then froze. Out in the yard, just barely in the light from the porch light, stood the huge cottonwood. Sitting on the hard, cold ground, her back against the ma.s.sive trunk, sat Beth. The cute brunette on her lap, straddling her. They were kissing, hands everywhere. The brunette, with closed eyes, broke the kiss, arching her neck for Beth's mouth to probe. Struck, I felt nauseous. Suddenly images crashed into my mind: stepping out of the bathroom at the State Fair to see Beth and Casey ducked behind the trailer of a rig making out. Opening the big, metal door at the theater only to find Beth and the redhead at the far end of the hallway. I felt hurt and betrayed. Why? Why couldn't she see me like that? Why couldn't it be me who sat on Beth's lap, tasting her mouth, then having her mouth on my neck?

Suddenly feeling suffocated, I needed to get out of there. I wiped an impatient hand over my eye before the tears that were threatening to seep out could dare fall, and searched my pockets for my keys before remembering that Beth had driven us.

”d.a.m.nit!” I searched through the house until I found Laney. I called to her, and she turned to look at me, concern immediately filling her face.

”Emily? What is it?” she walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

”Please take me home, Laney.” I said, my voice small, feeling even smaller.

”What? Why? Are you okay?” she pushed me away from the group she'd been talking to, taking us to a place a little less populated. I was grateful. I felt ridiculous enough as it was.

”Please, Laney?”

”Where's Beth? I thought-”

”Laney!” I exclaimed, not wanting to go into it, and getting extremely irritated. d.a.m.nit, why couldn't I just go home? She could read it on my face. She nodded, her face softening.

”Okay. Let me get my keys.”

I sat in the pa.s.senger seat of Laney's little Honda, my coat folded in my lap, staring out the window. Laney drove in silence, and I was glad. Finally we reached my building. The car idled quietly as we sat there. Me not ready to get out quite yet, Laney not ready for me to go. I knew she wanted answers, but I wasn't so sure I had them.

”What do you want me to tell her?” she finally asked. I took a deep breath followed by a shrug.

”You know, I really don't know.” I smiled ruefully over at her. ”I guess just tell her that I had to go home.”

My friend smiled sadly at me, but nodded. ”Okay.”

I gathered my belongings and myself together, and opened the car door, stepping out. She leaned across the pa.s.senger seat and looked out at me.

”You know, I don't know why you two don't just do it and get it over with.” I could only stare. She smiled, and drove away. Why, indeed.

I could feel the rough bark against my hands, my fingers digging into it as I felt soft lips beneath mine, parting for me. My eyes were closed, but I knew who's lips they were. Beth, I whispered, feeling her beneath me, as I sat in her lap, my knees on either side of her. I felt hands in my hair, running down my back, down lower until they slipped underneath my sweater. I sighed, feeling the wetness of a tongue against my neck suddenly. I sighed again.

BAMBAMBAM!.

My eyes snapped open, my surrounding strange, me completely disoriented. I sat up on my elbows, trying to figure out what the h.e.l.l had just happened. I began to realize I was in my bed, in my dorm room when I heard the banging again, and realized it was my door. Someone was knocking on my door. Well, more like banging on it.

”What?” I called out, irritated as I looked over at the clock to see it was barely eight in the morning. More banging. ”Jesus,” I muttered as I threw back the covers, and sauntered over to the door in my sweats and tee. ”It is too G.o.d d.a.m.n early-” I stopped as Beth stared back at me. I just looked at her, not sure what to say. Then my dream began to filter back in, and I remembered her mouth on mine, her hands on me, and I knew my face must have turned every color known to man. I took a step back. ”Hi.”

”Hi.” She returned, though she did not sound like a happy camper. Then without a moment's hesitation, she strolled past me into the room.

”Come on in.” I quipped, standing near the door, but pus.h.i.+ng it shut. I turned to look at her, waiting for her to speak. She took her leather jacket off, tossing it on Candice's made bed. Good thing she had a morning cla.s.s.