Part 14 (2/2)

”Yes. I live in New York, now.”

”Good for you, hon. I always knew you'd be something special. Even when you was a kid.” The compliment meant nothing to me coming from her. Why couldn't she have had as much confidence in her own daughter? I thanked her anyway. ”So, what you doing up so late?” I dug my hands deeper into my pockets, and glanced up at the sky.

”Couldn't sleep.” She nodded, and stood.

”I hear you. Haven't been able to sleep a wink in about a week.” She put a hand on my shoulder, and I got a good look at her. Nora was younger than my mother, but looked at least ten years older. Gone was the beautiful woman of my youth. ”Freezing my a.s.s off. Gonna go try and get some sleep. Good to see you again, Emily.” With that, she headed back into the house. I watched her, and then headed back toward the sidewalk. She had not mentioned Beth once. Did she even give a d.a.m.n?

I turned right at the end of the Sayers' drive, not even thinking of a destination, just that I needed to walk. I gazed at the quiet houses around me, wondering who lived in them, and what they did. My mother had told me that much of the old neighborhood was gone. New families moving in every year. My feet stopped suddenly, and I was not surprised to find myself at the start of the trail to the Bowl. With a small smile, I headed down the semi-dark trail. I could have walked back in time, for all I knew. It looked exactly the same; all the trees on either side of the path, slightly overhanging it, blocking out the moonlight. As I got closer, I could see the scarce light reflecting off the rippling water of the small pond. I chuckled to myself when I glanced down at the small body of water. It had seemed so much bigger to me as a kid. I walked in a circle, taking in everything around me, my eyes stopping when I saw a small tent in the trees, pictures of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on the sides. The circular light from a flashlight lens could be seen through the thin walls. I grinned, and decided to leave before I scared the occupants to death.

”What was that, Beth?” I had asked, my green eyes the size of saucers. My best friend looked around, her eyes just as big. We could see nothing through the blue walls of our tent, but imagined we could. She slowly shook her head.

”Don't know.” She whispered. Being the brave soul she was, she grabbed up our flashlight, and unzipped the tent flap, crawling out of the small opening. I sat, holding my breath as I waited for her to come back. Our first night ”camping” at the Bowl, and I had been scared to death. I had been so glad that Beth had been there. I knew she could protect me. I jumped when someone tapped the tent, my breath held in my throat.

”Beth?” I whispered. She didn't answer. ”Beth?” I asked again, my voice becoming desperate. Another thump, and another gasp from me. Oh no. Beth was captured, I just knew it. They were coming for me. I scrambled onto all fours, and searched for another flashlight when the flap suddenly opened, and Beth's smiling face looked in at me. I glared, rolling my eyes at her mischievous look.

I turned around, heading for the path again when my long coat brushed some bushes. I grinned as I heard a whispered, ”What was that?”

Our time at the Bowl was over. It belonged to the new generation. Now all I felt was like an intruder. A giant who had no place among the little people. It was a daunting feeling.

I headed back toward my parent's house, looking into the street. That had been where I had learned to ride a bike for the first time, where an endless number of adventures and games of football had been played out. Where I ran over the mailbox twice. It all felt so strange, and unknown to me as an adult. Did everyone feel that way after going home?

I stood in the darkness of my old room, removing my clothes.

”Babe?” was quietly whispered. I turned to the bed. Rebecca's head was raised, but I could not see her face.

”Yeah?” I said, tossing my s.h.i.+rt into the pile on the floor.

”You okay?”

”Fine.” I walked over to the bed, and crawled under the blankets, feeling her grab me, and pull me to her. She was warm from being under the blankets, and I snuggled up to her, the chill night air finally getting to me. With a soft sigh, I closed my eyes.

The ride over to the church seemed to take forever. I sat in the backseat of my parent's car, my hands beginning to sweat in my lap. I felt a soft touch on my knee, and turned to meet soft, blue eyes. I tried to return the smile, but if faltered somewhere. I got an understanding nod instead. I turned my attention back to the street, and pa.s.sing cars around us, wis.h.i.+ng that I were in any of them, going anywhere but where I was going.

I ran my hands down my legs to smooth the skirt of my black dress. The church was cold, I noticed. I wondered why. I watched as my parents walked out from the side room, my mother wiping at her eyes with a Kleenex, my father leading her by the elbow toward the sanctuary. I glanced back to that small room, unsure if I would be able to go in or not. I felt warmth along my right side, and turned to see Beth, never more than a few inches away from me. I could see just the barest bit of the s.h.i.+ny, brown casket from the doorway. I took a deep breath, and took a step forward, then stopped. My heart was in my mouth, and I couldn't breath.

”It's okay, Em.” Beth whispered in my ear. I leaned back into her a bit, then turned away from the door.

”I can't.” I murmured ”It's okay. You don't have to.” She said, rubbing my back with her hand. ”Kitty won't know the difference, anyway.” I turned to look into Beth's eyes. She looked so beautiful in her black pant suit. It was well-fitted, and looked gorgeous on her. She wore her long hair down, the colors coming in from the stained gla.s.s window turning its darkness into brilliant red and blue. ”Let's just go sit down, okay?” I nodded, and let her lead me to the sanctuary by my hand.

I glanced around as I sat in the wingback next to the fireplace. Beth sat on the hearth, her hand on my knee in support. People talked in that hushed tone that always seemed to befit a funeral. They balanced plates of food as they looked for a place to sit. I glanced down at the nearly full cup of bunch that sat my feet. Beth had been trying all afternoon to get me to eat something, but I couldn't do it. She had never left my side. I wondered if she would ever know just what her presence had meant to me.

”There's a lot of people here.” Beth said quietly. I nodded, but said nothing. It had been a huge funeral. Usually when one so young dies, it is. It made me proud to know that my aunt had touched so many people in her short life. Ron walked out of the kitchen, his black tie loosened a bit, the top b.u.t.ton of his s.h.i.+rt open. He had held it together in the church admirably. But once we got to the cemetery, he had lost it. I had watched him, holding on to his brother, Steve as if his life had depended on it. I don't think there had been a dry eye as we all watched his anguish, sitting in the front row near her grave. My father, who had been sitting behind him, had kept one hand on my mother's shoulder, and the other on Ron's through the whole ceremony. Ron glanced over at us, and smiled weakly. I did the same, but we could both see it in the other's eyes.

I looked around our living room, and the last place Aunt Kitty had ever seen. She had lived with us for just under six months. I thought back to a week ago, just two days before she had died.

”Honey, your aunt wants some water. Will you take this down to her?” my mother had asked as I walked into the kitchen, a long day at school behind me.

”Sure.” I took the small pitcher and gla.s.s, and headed downstairs. I tried to go see my aunt at least once a day, but with the hectic schedule I had, she was usually already asleep. I walked toward the closed door of my brother's old room, and quietly pushed it open with my shoulder, both hands full. My aunt's head turned slowly, and she smiled when she saw me. I smiled back. ”Hey, you.” I said.

”Hi.” She whispered. It had been rare to hear her talk above a whisper for a month or so. I set the gla.s.s on the side table, and poured water into it, then helped her to drink. She closed her eyes as the water slid down a parched throat, and smiled a thanks. It was truly heartbreaking to see her. She was almost skeletal, her cheeks shrunken in, making already big eyes bulge. Her hair, which used to be so rich and thick, was dull, looking more like straw. ”Have a good day?” she asked, her eyes full of interest. I nodded.

”Wasn't bad. I had to fill out some more forms today for my scholars.h.i.+p. That's such a pain.” I sat on the side of her bed, careful not to jostle her too much.

”I'm so proud of you, Emmy.” She breathed, reaching her hand out. I grabbed it, and held it in my lap, gently caressing the frail skin. ”You make me happy seeing you so involved with your life.” I smiled, but said nothing. ”How's Beth?” she asked after a moment.

”I don't know. She won't talk to me.” I said, staring off out the window. So much pain was attached to that name.

”Don't let her go, honey.” She said, her eyes pleading.

”I don't have a choice, Aunt Kitty.”

”Sure you do.”

”How are you doing?” I was snapped out of my reverie by my brother. I looked up at him with wide eyes. He grinned.

”Fine.” I said with a nervous smile. He patted my shoulder, and bent down so he was mere inches away.

”Listen, Emmy, you need anything, you tell me, okay?” I smiled up at my big brother, and nodded. He gave me a light peck on the cheek, and walked away. I looked on as the crowd seemed to be thinning a bit. Then I looked to the wall above the couch, and saw the family portrait we had taken the fall before. My gaze met that of my aunt, and I felt my throat clench shut, and the tears just below the surface.

”Are you okay, Em?” Beth whispered, squeezing my knee. I bowed my head, taking deep breaths so I wouldn't lose it again. I was so tired of crying. ”Em?” I couldn't answer. ”Come on.” I felt myself being pulled to my feet, and blindly I followed as Beth pulled me by my hand. We walked through the crowd of people, headed toward the stairs. My father was coming down as we started to go up. He stopped, as did we. I nearly ran into Beth's back. My father recovered his surprise, and glanced down at our joined hands, then his eyes traveled up to meet my eyes. I couldn't read his expression.

”Is everything okay?” he asked.

”Em's getting upset again. I'm taking her upstairs so she can calm down.” Beth answered, her head raised defiantly, her protective mode kicking in to my father's speculative gaze. He nodded, and walked on. I next found myself in my room. Beth let go of my hand, and went to the bathroom to return a moment later with a warm washcloth. I stood in the middle of my room, my shoulders slumped, my eyes feeling so heavy. I just wanted to lay down and sleep. Forever.

”Here.” I looked up to find Beth standing in front of me, the washcloth in her hand. I ignored the cloth, and collapsed into her. ”Whoa.” She breathed, nearly toppling over backward. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight as I felt my emotions rise, and spill over my reserve. I cried like I had never cried before. I was crying for my aunt. I was crying for Beth. I was crying for me. I was crying for all that could be, but never would. Soon, to my surprise I felt Beth's body shaking against mine as she cried her own tears, for her own reasons. My tears almost immediately dried up in my concern for her. I rested my face against the warm skin of her neck as she did mine, and rubbed my hands up and down her back, raising to play in her hair, then back down to soothe across the wide expanse of her shoulders. The sensations under my fingertips were amazing. I felt her pull even closer as her tears slowed, finally dying altogether.

We stood where we were, just holding each other, our bodies swaying slightly. I closed my eyes as I felt utterly content. Being in Beth's arms like that was like coming home. I needed to feel her, to know she was still with me. I opened my eyes only to close them again as I felt warm lips against my neck. I buried my face deeper into her, intoxicated by her smell. The lips moved up to my ear, warm breath tickling the flesh there. I heard my name barely whispered. I raised my head ever so slightly, why, I did not know. It was almost on instinct, or as if my body had gained a mind all it's own. My fingers found their way into thick, dark hair, leading somehow. I felt hands on my back, running down lower with every caress, my lower body on fire, begging to be next. The lips moved from my ear to my throat, my head arching back even more. Those roaming hands found their way to my side, moving up my ribs up to the sides of my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, gentle thumbs exploring over increasingly sensitive areas. Another hand found its way down some more, cupping one side of my b.u.t.t, pulling me ever closer to the warmth. Eyes still closed, my lips opened for what I sensed was coming. I felt those warm lips move up my throat, over my chin, and finally finding mine. I leaned into her as a sigh escaped me, and I gave in to the pressure against my mouth, willing it to crush me, eat me alive. The softest touch of a tongue ran over my lip, and my own tongue reached out, desperate to touch, and invite. Beth groaned deep in her throat as she filled me, her hand on the back of my head to bring me in as much as possible. I was being barraged by sensation when I was pulled from my world with the soft knocking on my bedroom door.

”Emmy?” I pulled away from Beth, my chest heaving. Her cheeks were stained red, as I had no doubt mine were. I stared at her, backing up a step to put some distance between us.

”Yes?” I managed to call out.

”You okay?” Billy asked. ”Sorry to bother you, but dad asked me to come up and check on you.” I closed my eyes and swallowed hard.

”I'm fine.” I blurted out. I could hear my brother's steps as he walked away. I could not look away from Beth as I stood there, realization of what had just happened, and what could have happened set in. Her eyes began to wonder, looking at anything but me. She reached into her jacket pocket, bringing out a hairband. With shaking hands, she began to pull her long hair back away from her face.

”Why did you do that?” I finally breathed. Blue eyes darted to meet mine. She stared at me for a moment.

”Why did you let me?” she asked, her voice quiet, calm. Deadly calm.

”I didn't.” I ran my hands through my hair, my heart still pounding.

”Well, I sure as h.e.l.l didn't force you.” Her voice dropped yet another octave.

”d.a.m.nit, Beth! I'm not into that!” I yelled. My panic was quickly turning to guilt, which was quickly turning to anger. At who?

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