Part 33 (2/2)

When is a cigar like a shoulder of pork? When it's smoked.

When is a man most likely to get floored (flawed)? When he's up late (a plate), and so runs a chance of becoming cracked.

What are the features of the cannon? Cannon-mouth, canon-ize, and cannon-eers.

Who always sits with his hat on before the queen? Her coachman.

Why is a pig in the drawing-room like a house on fire? Because the sooner it is put out the better.

When is a river not a river? When it is eye water (high water).

What trade never turns to the left? A wheelwright.

What trade is more than full? Fuller.

Why is electricity like the police when they are wanted? Because it is an invisible force.

When is a borough like a s.h.i.+p? When it is under canva.s.s.

Why are guns like trees? People plant them and they shoot.

How does a boy look if you hurt him? It makes him yell O! (yellow).

What part of your ear would be the most essential for a martial band?

The drum.

What is it that stands aloft, and regulates our daily movements, yet feels no interest in our concerns; directs us when to go, and when to come; yet cares not whether we attend or not; still, thus indifferent to our fate, often strikes a heavy blow to urge us on, and we feel no resentment when the reproof is given? A clock.

Why is the dove a very cautious little dear? Because he minds his peas and coos.

When is a baby like a breakfast cup? When it's a tea thing (teething).

Why is a chicken served to a minister like a theological student?

Because it is about to enter the ministry.

What animal keeps the best time? A watch dog.

When is a young lady's cheek not a cheek? When it is a little pale (pail).

When is a nose not a nose? When it is a little reddish (radish).

What sort of a face does the auctioneer like best? One that is for-bidding.

When is a straight field not a straight field? When it is a rye field (a wry).

What is it that walks with its head downward? A nail in a shoe.

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