Part 13 (2/2)
CHAPTER IX
GENERAL CONUNDRUMS
Why is a baby like a sheaf of wheat? Because it is first cradled, then threshed, and afterward becomes the flower of the family.
What is it that is queer about flowers? They shoot before they have pistils.
What is the worst thing to catch afire? Nothing.
Why is a man who has parted from his bed like one obliged to keep it?
He is bedridden.
What is the oldest coupler in use? The wedding ring.
Why are hot rolls like caterpillars? Because they make the b.u.t.terfly.
What is the difference between a mouse and a young lady? The one harms the cheese, the other charms the ”he's.”
When is a man thinner than a lath? When he is a-shaving.
Why is a pretty young lady like a wagon-wheel? Because she is surrounded by felloes (fellows).
Of what religious persuasion is the sea? A Quaker--for it has a broad brim.
Though I dance at a ball, yet am I nothing at all. A shadow.
What is that which, though black itself, enlightens the world? Ink.
When is a sailor not a sailor? When he's a-board.
What is the difference between a chess-player and an habitual toper?
One watches the p.a.w.n, the other p.a.w.ns the watch.
Which animal is the heaviest in all creation? A le(a)d horse.
What sort of tune do we all enjoy most? For-tune, made up of bank-notes.
Why is a spendthrift, with regard to his fortune, like the water in a filter? Because he soon runs through it, and leaves many matters behind to settle.
Why is English grammar like gout? Because it's torture (taught yer).
Why is an office with no work to do like a good dinner eaten by an invalid? Because it's a sign-o'-cure (sinecure).
Why is a s...o...b..ack like an editor? Because he polishes the understandings of his patrons.
Why is opening a letter like taking a very queer method of entering a room? Because it is breaking through the sealing (ceiling).
Why are persons with short memories like office-holders? Because they are always for-getting everything.
What word is it which expresses two things we men all wish to get, one bringing the other, but which if we do get them, the one bringing the other, we are unhappy? Miss-fortune.
When is sugar like a pig's tooth? When in a hog's head.
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