Part Ix Part 139 (1/2)

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: ”Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: ”yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

”You must work in Information Technology” says the balloonist.

”I do” replies the man. ”How did you know.”

”Well” says the balloonist, ”everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone.”

The man below says, ”You must work in business.”

”I do” replies the balloonist, ”but how did you know?”

”Well”, says the man, ”you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help... You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault.”

Need a Coffee.

The captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the pa.s.sengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use.

When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came on over the intercom. ”Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I'm happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like to thank you very much for your calmness and co-operation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston. After a short pause and several clicks...... ”Jesus Christ - whadda b.i.t.c.hin' ride! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a b.l.o.w. .j.o.b, right about now!”

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the pa.s.sengers called after her, ”DON'T FORGET THE COFFEE”

Old Maid in a Bus.

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, ”I have a dead p.u.s.s.y.”

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, ”Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.”

Plunging Boeing 747.

A 737 Boeing flying over the Caribbean suddenly loses all power and starts plunging to earth. The captain in a flash of brilliance gets on the speaker-and tells everyone to throw the luggage out.

In panic everyone complies. It fails to work and the aircraft continues its downward spiral.

For his next bright idea the captain orders everyone to divest themselves of all their clothing in an effort to reduce the weight.

Alas this too failed and the aircraft pa.s.sed through the 10000 ft clouds.

In total desperation, the captain decided to order people to jump out in alphabetical order and since they were over the sea they would survive the fall.

Very enthusiastically he turned on the speaker and announced, ”All African Americans leave the plane now”. No one moved.

He then asked all Blacks to leave. Again there was a negative response from the full plane.

Now in total panic he asked if all c.o.o.ns would leave the plane which was now down to 5000 ft. No one moved a hair.

Finally a little girl turned to her mother and asked ”Mama ain't we one of dem categories?”

Mama glared at the child and replied, ”Hush child, today we' us are n.i.g.g.e.rs

Punk Rocker.

An old guy's sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on.

The punk rocker's hair is red, green, yellow, orange...he's got feather earrings, and he sees the guy staring at him. He says, ”What's the matter, old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild?”

The old guy says, ”Yeah. I f.u.c.ked a parrot, once. I thought maybe you were my kid.”