Part Ix Part 138 (1/2)

Building a New Kind of Car.

Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. ”Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?” one asked.

”He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car,” his co-worker replied.

”How was he going to do it?”

”He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and, well, you get the idea.”

”So what did he end up with?”

”Ten years to life.”

b.u.mper Sticker.

The other day I went into the local religious book store, where I saw a ”honk if you love Jesus” b.u.mper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back b.u.mper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughts of the Lord, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. That b.u.mper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who loved Jesus..

Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must really love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled ”Jesus Christ” as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with his shouting, ”Go Jesus Christ Go.”

Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a ”sunny beach”, and I saw him waving in a funny way with his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant, they squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

Several cars behind, a very nice large man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like ”mother trucker” or mother from there. Maybe he was from Florida too. He must really love the Lord.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed the light had changed to yellow, and I stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign and I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful people.

Device for Testing Winds.h.i.+elds.

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of winds.h.i.+elds on airplanes.

The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's winds.h.i.+eld at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the winds.h.i.+eld doesn't crack from the carca.s.s impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.

It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a winds.h.i.+eld on a brand new, speedy locomotive they were developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired.

The ballistic chicken shattered the winds.h.i.+eld, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.

The FAA reviewed the test and made only one recommendation: ”Use a thawed chicken.”

Engine Failure.

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, ”Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, ”One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines.”

An hour later the captain announced, ”One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left.”

A young blonde pa.s.senger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, ”If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!”