Part Ix Part 132 (2/2)
Nicklaus thinks it over and says, ”OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?”
”I don't care - any night next week is OK with me.”
The Big Tree.
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, ”You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree.”
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, ”Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.”
Ticket to SuperBowl.
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realises the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, ”Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says no.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, ”This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?”
The man replies, ”Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she pa.s.sed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967.”
”Well, that's really sad,” says Bob, ”but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?”
”No,” the man replies, ”they're all at the funeral.”
Two Guys Playing Golf.
Two guys were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The first guy finds his ball in a patch of b.u.t.tercups. He grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. He hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process he hacks the h.e.l.l out of the b.u.t.tercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks his path to his ball and looks at him and says, ”I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my b.u.t.tercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of b.u.t.ter. Each time you eat b.u.t.ter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.” The woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the guy calls out to his buddy. ”Hey, where's your ball?”
”It's over here in the p.u.s.s.y willows.”
The first guy screams back, ”DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!”
1997 Ferrari GTO.
A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO. It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000.
He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, s.h.i.+ny surface of the car and asks, ”What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?” The young man replies, ”A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!” ”That's a lot of money,” says the old man, shocked. ”Why does it cost so much?” ”Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!”, states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, ”Can I take a look inside?” ”Sure,” replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, ”That's a pretty nice car, all right!”
Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! ”What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?” the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooos.h.!.+ It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped. ”Couldn't be,” thinks the guy. ”How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!” Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooos.h.!.+ Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolis.h.i.+ng the rear end.
The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurtin' for certain. He runs up to the old man and says, ”You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?”
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