Part 22 (1/2)
”All that will live G.o.dly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution; the natural heart is enmity against G.o.d, and hates his image wherever found. If individual Christians have the favor of individual worldlings, it never is for their piety, that is rather borne with than loved; and too often Christians save themselves from reproach by unfaithfulness; that, alas, has been my sin and shame. In all my friends.h.i.+ps with worldlings, some of which have been tender, how unfaithful have I been to friends.h.i.+p's highest office. How seldom have I endeavored to rescue my friend from sin and Satan, by leading her to the Friend of sinners, the source of happiness. Contenting my vile, selfish heart, with things pertaining to this life unconnected with that to come, leaving her under the influence of 'the l.u.s.t of the eye, the l.u.s.t of the flesh, and the pride of life;' without eyes to see her danger, or friend to warn her of it; and while she communicated with me in things common to both, in all the good she knew, keeping back nothing from me of all she possessed; how often have I concealed my richest treasure, without inviting her to the partic.i.p.ation. O, faithless friend! O, ungrateful, unfaithful--first to that gracious G.o.d who opened mine own eyes, arrested ray attention, stopped up my path, and turned me to the way of life; and next to my friend, whom I have left to pursue that same way of death, without attempting to lead her to this same sovereign, merciful, gracious Deliverer.
”And what withheld! Shame belongs to the heart governed by such motives; fear of contempt, reproach, or, at most, the loss of a carnal friends.h.i.+p. Of three such friends, now gone to their place, two continued their worldly course to the last, so far as I know; for the third the Lord provided a more faithful friend, who became worker together with the Spirit of G.o.d, led her to the Friend of sinners, who has compa.s.sion on the ignorant, and them that are out of the way, By Him she was received, and in Him she found life, light, and peace.
”She soon outran faithless me in the heavenly race; gently chid me for my remissness, but continued my friend and helper. Ever foremost in the race, humble and steady in faith, she looked not back, nor halted. She has long since finished her course, received her crown and reward of grace, and become fruit to the account of that friend who supplied what was wanting in me. I rejoice with them both, give glory to G.o.d, from whom their fruit was found, and take shame and confusion for my part.
”How many opportunities have I lost, and from the same sinful, shameful cause. O my Redeemer, what can I say to thee? Words are wanting to express my loathing of that vile, selfish cowardice.
”Didst Thou, who art the Creator of heaven and earth, the brightness of the glory of G.o.d, the express image of his person, and upholder of all things, suffer shame, contempt, anguish, death for my sake, that thou mightest redeem me from the second death, and purchase for me eternal life; and do I shrink and turn away from the least taste of thy cup, though the curse is extracted and a blessing infused!
”And after all this, art thou pacified towards me? I search in vain for words to express the amazing grace. 'As the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy towards them that fear him, and towards vile me, who can lay small claim to that character; yet, as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed my transgressions from him. Bless the Lord, ye his angels, who excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening to the voice of his word. Bless the Lord, all ye his hosts, ye ministers of his that do his pleasure; ye ministering spirits, sent forth to watch over and minister to them who shall be heirs of salvation.”
”FEBRUARY, 1812.
”Dr. M----. 'Behold the Lamb of G.o.d, which taketh away the sin of the world,' John 1:29.
”He dwelt chiefly on the subst.i.tution of the victim in the room of the transgressor. When a victim was offered for an individual, he was to lay his hand on the head of the animal, by the appointment of G.o.d, as a token of his faith that his sins should be transferred to the victim which suffered death in his stead, and that his sins were forgiven and his person accepted. If the victim was for the whole congregation, then the elders, as their representatives, were to lay their hands upon the head of the victim, signifying the same faith.
Great was the subject of the plan of redemption: The Son of G.o.d clothed with our nature, given and set apart as a propitiatory sacrifice, the victim upon whom the sins of his elect were laid, and he sacrificed in their stead.
”The Lamb of G.o.d, which took away the sins not only of the Jewish transgressors, but the sins of the elect out of every nation, kindred, and tongue throughout the world--on this Lamb of G.o.d rests my own individual hope for pardon and for acceptance. I lay my own individual hand of faith on his dear head, confess my sin, and rely upon his sacrifice for pardon and acceptance, through the atonement made by himself, G.o.d's anointed Priest.”
”SABBATH, April, 1812.
”Dr. Romeyn. 'Yea, and all that will live G.o.dly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.' 2 Timothy 3:12. Gone as usual; but it came home to my heart. I have not suffered persecution; and why? because my life has not testified sufficiently against a sinful world. Alas, alas! the world loves its own, and I have been so accommodating, to say the least, as not to disturb it. 'The carnal mind is enmity against G.o.d; is not subject to the law of G.o.d, neither indeed can be;'
but the world saw little in me of that image which they hate, and enough of a.s.similation to balance that little. O my G.o.d, my long-suffering, sin-pardoning G.o.d, thou knowest my vile cowardice; with professors a professor of thy name, with worldlings a seeming worldling. And now the season is past, the opportunity lost; the time of life is arrived when the world itself expects to be abandoned. No line of conduct in me will now reprove them; they account it wise to look out for a better portion, when the world can no longer be enjoyed; and through the deceitfulness of their own hearts, and the suggestions of the ever-vigilant enemy of souls, may be hardened in sin, by hoping to become religious in old age. O, let thy grace prevent it.
”The sinfulness, and O, the ingrat.i.tude of my past life rise in magnitude every review I take of it. And what can I say? Father, forgive. Yes, I dare say, Father, forgive. I dare say more, Thou hast forgiven. This grief of heart proves that thou hast not sealed me up in impenitence. Thou rememberest thy covenant with me in the days of my youth, when thou didst draw me with the cords of love and the bands of a man; and though no language can express my baseness and my ingrat.i.tude, through all my backsliding life, thy covenant stands fast.
”'I remember, and am confounded, and will never open my mouth any more because of my shame, now that thou art pacified towards me for all that I have done. And I know that thou art the Lord.
Contrition dwell within this breast, That G.o.d within this heart may rest: Shame and confusion flush this face, And magnify this glorious grace.
Grace be my theme while I have breath, And on my quivering lips in death.
Angels and fellow-sinners, say, Will you not join me in this lay, Now, and through heaven's eternal day?
”Blessed Comforter, thou seest old age upon me, loss of memory, and a desultory mind; I cannot retain even the substance of my dear pastor's sermons. I thank thee for the food and refreshment at the time, and often after for refres.h.i.+ng meditations on the same subjects.
I commit all to thee; keep them for me, and feed me with these truths as thou seest I need. O be to me memory, judgment, presence of mind, for order, regularity, and natural powers are gone. I rejoice in my dear Saviour, who of G.o.d is made unto me wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. He shall perfect that which concerneth me, and finish the work he has begun. Therefore I say, All is well.”
”COMMUNION SABBATH, May 17, 1812.
”Was much melted under a sense of indwelling sin, and the deceitfulness of the human heart, and of my own heart in particular. I have been. I think, much in the exercise of contrition for the sins of my past life, and exercised in watching over my words, thoughts, and actions; now that the Lord has delivered me from all necessity to care, having every thing provided for me _necessary to life and G.o.dliness:_ pleasant food and clothing both for body and mind; my dear room, retirement, fire, candle, attendance; my precious Bible, and precious, lively, spiritual ordinances; a faithful and beloved pastor, who feeds me with truth: I taste it, and I am fed. I am, as the Lord G.o.d merciful and gracious has awarded, under the constant influence of shame and confusion for my highly aggravated transgressions: but I also enjoy the full sense of pardon; being justified by faith, I have peace with G.o.d through our Lord Jesus Christ; and knowing that I have a 'great high-priest that is pa.s.sed into, the heavens, Jesus the Son of G.o.d,' I am enabled to hold fast my profession, comforted by this, that I have not a high-priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of my infirmities, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. I dare come, not very boldly, for I am under much depression, to the throne of grace, that I may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Every time is a time of need with me, for sin still dwelleth in me. I have peace with G.o.d through my dear Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, but am at constant war with myself. I plead thy promise, that thou wilt subdue my iniquities, that sin shall not have dominion over me. And now, Captain of salvation, I renew the fight, but it is depending upon thee to fight for me, with me, and in me. I will set myself to watch, but I shall watch in vain, if thou keep not the avenues of my heart, and the door of my lips. O, clothe me with thy meek and lowly spirit.”
”SABBATH, July 26, 1812.
”Tired of the bustle of Rockaway, and having some subordinate motives for returning home for a time, I embraced this season in particular; having, in the compa.s.s of one week, Sabbath, Wednesday my birthday, and the day set apart both by the General a.s.sembly of our church and the Governor of our state, for fasting, prayer, and humiliation, besides lectures on the same evening. I returned therefore on Friday, the 24th.
”Dr. R---- preached from Psalm 27:1,'The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?'