Part 16 (1/2)
”DECEMBER, 1802.
”The lovely plant which the Lord had blasted, which brought down our hearts with grief, which he had restored and clothed with smiling health and comfort, again sickened, declined, wasted; every means proved ineffectual; the Lord refused the healing virtue. He was brought to town to be near the physicians, but the Physician of Israel aided them not. Disease increased; with pain, sickness, convulsion, much he suffered, and long; he had a taste of the bitterness of sin, but no part of the curse: _that_ the Redeemer drank and expended; and having by his atoning blood purged this little one from his sins, and perfected all his redeeming work in his soul, he received him into his own heavenly abodes. It is well, all well. Amen.”
Mrs. Graham lived alternately with her children Mrs. Bethune and Mrs. Smith until 1803, when Mrs. Smith removed from New York. After that time she made her home with Mr. and Mrs. Bethune until her departure to her heavenly home. They loved her not only from natural affection, but for her superior worth. They believed that her prayers brought a blessing on the family, as the ark of G.o.d did to the house of Obed-Edom.
”MARCH, 1803.
”I read this day the 36th chapter of Ezekiel, and pleaded G.o.d's promises from the 22d verse to the end, for myself, for my children, and for my children's children; for the church of G.o.d throughout the world, in particular for this country, for Britain and Ireland, France and Germany, where his name was once known, and his gospel flourished.
That the Lord would 'build the waste places and repair the breaches;'
that he would 'purify the sons of Levi,' fill all pulpits with able, faithful ministers of the new testament, who shall 'declare the whole counsel of G.o.d;' and that wherever his name is recorded, the Holy Ghost might fill the place, and convince the hearts of preachers and hearers, of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment; might take of the things of Christ and show unto them; and that the great Head of the church might regulate and overrule all these breaches, differences, and shakings in his churches.
”O Lord, I am ignorant; I know not the mind of the Spirit of promise as thou knowest it. The promise of the fruit of the tree, and the increase of the earth, of the corn, the wine, and the oil is thine, as are all others. I am ignorant how far this refers to spiritual prosperity, how far to temporal. I ask, O Lord, covenant provision, the fruit of the seed sown in the hearts of men by thine own Spirit; and that thou mayest build the ruined cities of thy churches, and fill them 'with men like a flock, as the flock of Jerusalem in her solemn feasts; so shall the waste cities be filled with flocks of men, and they shall know that thou art the Lord.' Thy fair, thy rich, thy beautiful creation is also the fruit of grace. The wicked possess it, but they enjoy it not. Thy people are the heirs, but thou, as a wise and merciful Father, givest them to possess according as thy wisdom sees safe and good for them. When with the things of this world they imbibe the spirit of the men of the world; when they nestle in thy gifts and forget the Giver; when they enjoy with a carnal spirit, and not with thankfulness and a due sense of their dependence on thee as the G.o.d of providence as well as of grace; thou, in mercy as in sovereignty, blastest their pleasant things, mixest their cup of prosperity with wormwood and gall, or sweepest all away with a turn of thy hand, that thou mayest teach them that man doth not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of G.o.d; that thou mayest withdraw them from sinful purposes, and hide pride from them; that thou mayest open their ears to instruction, and seal it on their hearts: thou dashest to pieces their broken cisterns, that thou mayest lead them back to the fountain of living waters.
”It is good, O Lord, all good; I lay hold upon it: be thou the provider of me and mine; feed us with food convenient for us. Thine own word testifies that 'every creature of G.o.d is good, and nothing is to be refused if it be received with thanksgiving, for it is sanctified by the word of G.o.d and prayer.' I and the children for whom I pray, possess many, yea, and abundance of temporal good things. O Lord, give suitable grace, grace for grace. Spirit of grace, keep us thankful, humble, dependent, spiritual; enable us to receive all through a covenant channel, as the provision of our Father by the way, through this wilderness. O may all be sanctified by thy word and prayer, and we be enabled 'to eat and drink to thy glory.' Amen.
”Read the 138th Psalm: 'Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly; though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me. The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me; thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever; forsake not the works of thine own hands.'
”Redeeming work is thy work; regenerating work is thy work; sanctifying work is also thine.
”The first is finished, the second begun, to be perfected in the third. O Lord, I hang on thy promises, which with Christ are all mine, though I have not at all times the savor of them; this is mine infirmity, and often my sin. O keep me looking unto Jesus.”
”MARCH 25, 1803.
”Communion Sabbath, Dr. M---- preached from Romans 6:17: 'But G.o.d be thanked that ye were'--were in the past time, not now--'the servants of sin; but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.'
”O Lord, I believe the doctrines of thy gospel; I know that I am delivered from sin as a master; it hath not dominion over my will, nor entire dominion over my affections; I would be thine, thy servant, thy child, thine in all obedience. I feel this new principle in the desires of my soul. I would do all things to thee, in act and in principle. But O, Lord, the old man is still here, hara.s.sing and hindering my new will, which I have received from thee, from acting with freedom and energy. Unhallowed motives steal in, by-ends present themselves; and when outward duty is attained to, there is more of sin than of righteousness. Though entered upon with some measure of purity, yet before it is finished I am at a loss to discern the true principle by which I am actuated. Lord, help me; hast thou not promised to work in me both 'to will and to do of thy good pleasure?'
Is it not the grand end of thy death, that thou mightest purify to thyself a glorious church, 'not having spot nor wrinkle, nor any such thing;' and shall not I be a partaker? Art thou not made of G.o.d unto thy people, wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption?
”O Lord, my heart pants for redemption from indwelling sin. This depravity of my nature, this opposition, this evil that is ever present with me when I would do good, this indolence, this listlessness, this want of zeal, or else self-will, keenness of temper, impatience, haste: O Lord, there is a host of enemies; gird me, arm me, s.h.i.+eld me, lead me forth under thy banner; be my victorious King. 'I will go in thy name, trusting in thy promised strength and grace to help in every time of need.' Glory be to G.o.d, Father, Son, and blessed Spirit, for the grace in which I stand. But for grace I had been a willing slave to sin to this hour. By that same grace I shall one day attain to victory. I cast my burden on the Lord, he will sustain until he deliver; I will go up through the wilderness, trusting in the promises, and continue fighting in his strength. 'My soul waits for thy salvation.' Lord, enable me to keep 'looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of faith.' O give faith in every part of his mediatorial character. May I feed upon him and be strong for this sore fight. Give courage, O Lord; press me forward: may I resolve, and keep the resolution, to resist unto blood, striving against sin.
”I have been a slothful servant in thy family, an idle laborer in thy vineyard, 'an unfruitful branch,' a poor dwarfish member in thy body. Grant, O grant a little fruit on the topmost bough. O, at the 'eleventh hour' may I begin to work, to bear some fruit, to the glory of that grace by which my soul is saved from the wages of sin, death, and h.e.l.l, and made heir, by free gift, of the wages of righteousness, eternal life, and glory. I wait for thy salvation.”
There being no public, free, or Sabbath-schools in the city, Mrs.
Graham used her endeavors to promote such as would at least furnish education to the children of the widows under her care; and several young ladies offered their services, which she thus notices:
”FEBRUARY, 1804.
”A new thing is on the wheel in the city of New York. A society of ladies, organized for the purpose of relieving widows with small children, was new in this country. It is now, by the blessing of G.o.d, apparently established. It was entered upon with prayer; it has been conducted thus far with prayer. The blessing of G.o.d has rested upon it, and much good has been done by it. Some of us have looked long, and requested of G.o.d to open a way by which the children of these widows might be instructed and taught to read his word, and by his blessing on it, come to the knowledge of the way of salvation. One means has been attempted of an ordinary kind: twelve children were last week placed at school with Mrs. L----, to be taught to read, and some more are to be placed with another of our widows, for the same purpose. But this indeed is new. A society of young ladies, the first in rank in the city, in the very bloom of life, and full of its prospects, engaged in those pleasures and amus.e.m.e.nts which tend to engross the mind and shut out every idea unconnected with them, coming forward and offering--not to contribute towards a school, but their own personal attendance to instruct the ignorant, O Lord, prosper their work. If this be of thee, it shall prosper, and be productive of much good; but if thou bless not, it will come to nothing but shame.
No good can be done but by thee, for there is none good but One;' and what are all thy creatures, but instruments in thy hand, by which thou bringest to pa.s.s the purposes of thy will? _Christians_, redeemed, enlightened, sanctified, are no more; thou workest all their works in them; they themselves are thy workmans.h.i.+p, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which thou hast prepared, that they should walk in them. Worldlings also are thy instruments: by them thou workest and bringest to pa.s.s the counsels of thy will; thou puttest into their heart the good thing which thou workest, and girdest them for the purpose: though not the children of thy covenant, they are the instruments of thy providence.
”O Lord, take up this matter; gird these young women to this very purpose, and prosper them in the art of teaching these orphans of thy providence. And Oh, Lord, hear my more important pet.i.tion. I am not worthy to be heard. O Lord, I am not worthy to be named in connection with any good done by thee. I am the chief of sinners, the chief of backsliders; every thing in me, of me, or by me, is vile as far as it is mine. All that is otherwise, all good implanted in me, or done by me, is thine own; it is grace, free grace, the purchase of thine own Anointed, my dear Redeemer, my dying, risen, ascended Saviour, and the fruit of the Holy Ghost, the sent of the Father and of the Son, to set up a kingdom of righteousness in the hearts of the redeemed. Let me, as a sinner saved by grace, to whom thou hast been pleased to give the exceeding great and precious promises--let me, under the sprinkling of the blood of the covenant, and in entire dependence on my surety-righteousness--let me draw near and present my pet.i.tion, in the name and for the sake of Him whom thou hearest always. O Lord G.o.d Almighty, by this very thing, build up thy Zion. Lay hold of these young creatures, and while they are in the way of thy providence, bring them to the house of our master's brethren. O thou great Teacher, teach thou teacher and taught. Be found of them who seek thee not, and say with power, 'Behold me, behold me,' to a people not yet called by thy name, and out of this small thing in thy providence, bring revenues of praise to thy name as the G.o.d of grace. Amen.
”And now, O Lord, for myself, I pray for deep humility; I ask, for His sake who was meek and lowly, to be kept where my place really is, at the feet of all thy servants; and if it be thy pleasure to make me a useful instrument, in proportion make me a humble soul. Let me ever remember my ways and be ashamed, and never open my mouth any more because of my shame, when thou art pacified towards me for all that I have done. O keep me in this contrite frame of mind. In all that to which thou callest me, give me a willing heart, and furnish me with every necessary for thy glory. And now prepare me to speak to these young women good and acceptable words. Save me from sacrificing truth, or departing, in any respect, from Christian duty; give me such wisdom as maybe suited to the occasion: in all things mine eyes are to the Lord; from thee let my fruit be found.”
”FEBRUARY 17, 1804.