Chapter 52 - Volume 2 (2/2)

Every time I step forward, my hands get burnt from the vines I tear off, the thorns hurting my face and body. It’s not like it doesn’t hurt. But even so, I move forward. The sizzling sound of my hands burning is awfully clear even amidst the resounding crying voice.

It’s because of this pain that even I shed tears. Definitely not because the thoughts – the memories of the past 『me』 – are nostalgic. What’s the point in clinging to a past I can never return to anymore? I already have the 『present time』. Just like how 『I』 don’t have something 『I』 can give up, I also have something I can’t give up.

The truth is, you understand. Don’t you, 『me』?

Finally coming out of the cage of thorns, I stand in front of 『me』. Crying, sobbing in a way so unbecoming for 『my』 age, 『I』 wear the same suit worn for an interview that day, that second 『I』 lost my life. It’s an awful state, if I do say so myself.

But even so, right now I can’t criticize 『me』. My dress is in tatters, my body covered in cuts and gashes, bleeding from everywhere, both my burned hands smell somehow burned, even my face has wounds on it. Even my carefully plaited, arranged hair, is now unrecognizable. ‘This is definitely what they mean when they say ‘walking wounded’,’ I think matter-of-factly.

『I』 slowly look up at me in this state. Yes, now that I look at it again, that really is an awful face. That makeup put on so painstakingly is now all soppy. But this, this really is 『me』.

In front of 『me』 crouching, I crouch down too. Then, I put my arms around 『my』 back. In my arms, 『I』 gasp. I whisper softly to 『me』, who is trembling all over.

『You didn’t want to die, did you?』

———!

『I』 completely freeze. I hug 『me』 even harder, continuing again.

『You didn’t want to die. I get it. I’m the same too.』

Three years old, I got a sickness from an epidemic. Somehow or another, back then I didn’t want to die. But essentially, I must have been dead then. Since I was in the grips of death, 『I』 showed up. I managed to keep my soul latched onto the present world by swallowing down 『me』. Because of that, at three years old I ended up with 『me』. There’s no way I could have accepted the part of 『me』 that had personally experienced ‘death’. Because of that, I ended up deserting 『me』 in a place like this.

『I’m sorry. Though I know apologizing makes no difference here.』

Even so, I can’t help but apologize. 『My』 tears soak into my dress. 『My』 body, which was heaving with sobs, stops shaking. 『My』 hands wrap around my back, as if clinging to me.

——I didn’t want… to die.

『That’s right.』

——I wanted… to live.

『That’s right.』

——I’m scared… of death.

『That’s right. But—』

I cut my words off for a moment, looking up at 『my』 face. I smile at 『me,』 who looks like a deer in headlights.

『Hey, 『me』. Now we’ve known things even scarier than that, right?』

Those dark brown eyes widen at my words. Large teardrops fall from those eyes.

That’s right. I know scarier things than death. I remember the time of the demon king’s rule. I’m sure even 『I』 know that too. Why, because 『I』 am me. What comes to my mind is that man’s face, so beautiful it makes me angry. I can’t help but smile at how he makes me remember his sunrise-colored eyes looking at me, whether I like it or not. That’s right. In other words, it’s just like that.

All these thoughts that I don’t put in words must have reached 『me』. As if ambushed, 『I』 look at me. Those lips move. It looks like 『I’m』 trying to say something, but 『my』 voice doesn’t come out.

————……mina.

We both exchange glances at the faint voice we hear. I smile again. Tears fall from my eyes too at that.

————Filmina……!

Hey, I know you can hear it. That voice, calling us. That man’s voice, calling us with such an unimaginable grieving voice. Because he’s just hopeless. What can he do if we’re not there for him? Hey, you get it, don’t you? The truth is, you understand, don’t you?

I ask that to 『me』 in my arms. In response, 『I』 nod countless times, smiling while crying.

——You married such an unthinkable man, 『me』.

I can’t help but laugh at 『my』 words, spoken with a tearful voice. My wounded body hurts everywhere, but laughter overpowers that. It really is just as 『I』 said. But the one that chose that man was none other than me. There’s no way I can complain after so long. My one and only is that man and no one else.

Well then, let’s go together. We have to go, for that man’s sake and for our sakes too.

My words are transmitted to 『me』 even without speaking them out loud. 『I』 nod deeply. Then, 『I』 disappear from my arms. No, not disappear. 『I』 just dissolved. Dissolved within me, this time for sure.

By the time I realize it, countless warm tears fall down my cheeks. But for some reason, even though my vision is warped with tears, I feel like everything in front of me has opened up completely. Tears sting the wounds on my face but I couldn’t care less about that. Holding my aching body, I somehow manage to stand up. By the time I realize it, those black thorny vines have all withered. The darkness still hasn’t cleared up, but now I know where to go.

————Filmina.

I just have to walk where that voice guides me. Yes, Edi. I’m coming now. So just wait a little more.