Chapter 31 - Volume 2 (2/2)

Those that know about the incident that happened once with the scars on my back all try to keep me away from magic. But whenever there’s something kept away and hidden from them, humans do end up excessively thinking about it and being curious about it. I mean, it’s magic. It’s the magic I longed for.

That longing itself was what caused that incident, so I myself think I should give up already and learn my lesson. But I am lost to the curiosity that welled up within me during the days I spent so obediently. Actually, I’m proud to be a loser. That’s a story that happened just a few months ago.

Just a little time after the marriage ceremony, I found myself with far too much free time than I knew what to do with. I had too much time on my hands that I would easily make more than 10 embroidered handkerchiefs in a day. I had no particular responsibilities except the housework.

At that time, I was struck by an idea and since then, I’ve been spending my days coming to the library like this without telling anyone, absorbed in magical books. The magical books I haven’t touched in around 10 years are formidable opponents, but they certainly are interesting, exciting my curiosity.

That’s right. In other words, I’ve been coming to the national library and reading magical books long before I fell into this situation of being tormented by a nightmare. That’s why I could come here and easily choose books with a goal in mind. Although, since I’ve been seeing that nightmare I just can’t bring myself to travel much, so I’ve been neglecting to come here too.

This is a secret. This is a closely-guarded, top secret. Thankfully, no one from my family has found out until now. At the same time as I visit the library, I go to that man’s room in the Black Lotus Court to deliver him something he forgot at home. Usually, he’s receiving that day’s herbs to use in food from the medicinal plants garden he controls, both as a hobby and for practical use. The garden is well managed by the gardener girl.

I myself initially had my doubts whether an ordinary person could so easily enter the center of the country, let alone visit the royal palace’s head wizard. But that man gave me the aforementioned bracelet as identification, saying, 「Use it when you need to.」 Whenever I show it, everyone quietly makes way for me, so I end up getting a little carried away.

The magic jewel is in the center of the bracelet, the same color as the magic jewel on that man’s cane……Namely, the color of his eyes, the sunrise. Inside that magic jewel is a lotus flower in full bloom. The bracelet has more authority than I initially assumed.

At first I thought he was finally giving me an ornament now, even though he had never given me one before. Then it started to seem like an outrageous thing – was that just my imagination? Well, I’m not in any position to say that anyway as I always keep that bracelet close to me with great care.

At any rate, my husband generally returns home late as I mentioned before. Thanks to that, I can read freely to my heart’s content. The vital point is to leave after he leaves, and return before he returns, so it’s simple. Whenever he comes home he says, 「Did anything happen today?」 I’ve gotten used to smiling and saying, 「No, nothing.」 Don’t you dare make light of how bold we mentally [redacted]-year-olds are.

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That man’s disciple also shows up often to borrow magical books, so I’ve been startled by that at times. But he’s usually always in a big hurry, and the books he needs are ones that the general public is restrained from even reading, let alone borrowing. So as of now, I’ve never ran into him.

And my father, the Governor of Magical Books, also works in this national library. There is a risk of bumping into him as well. But I hear that his workplace is actually deep inside the library. Even at home, I’ve known since I was a child that he works from morning to evening shut up in the same spot.

So I’m safe for now, or I’m supposed to be safe for now. Since he really hasn’t found me yet. So I’m probably safe, yes.

Because they’re all thinking about me, they all try to keep me away from magic. However, I’m going against their good wishes, so it’s not like my own conscience doesn’t feel bad. There’s nothing more troublesome than doing something that you know is forbidden, if I do say so myself.

Well then——what was I talking about? Ah, that’s right, books, books. I was talking about the magical books.

Looking down at the magical book open in front of me (an introductory manual of the basics), I run my fingertip across its table of contents. Maybe I’ll be able to find a way to deal with the nightmare to some extent if I add together my childhood memories as well as the hasty knowledge I’ve learnt in the past few months. With that faint hope in me, I silently pursued the magical language.

The word 『magic』, it is actually quite complex. The word 『magic』 can be used in a broad meaning, but there is also『magic』 that uses your own magical power.

There is also the kind where you borrow the power of spirits, called 『spirit magic』, the kind where you borrow the gods’ power, 『light magic』, and then there’s the kind where you borrow the power of demons, 『black magic』. They say each of them has their own aptitude and talent necessary; you have to be born with the power to master certain types of magic.

I thought about this before too, but it really is the typical fantasy trope. Back then, 『I』 thought it was a worn-out joke. Basically, it’s hopeless to use that man as an example to show how each of them differ. In his case, he was born with endless magical power, so no matter what kind of magic he does, he can do it easily. So he’s not really a good reference.

He did it even that time when we were 9 years old. He calmly and easily succeeded at summoning a high-class spirit, that fire demon. Normally, one would have to first gain the proper knowledge to summon, then go through the proper procedure with no mistake, and only then can carry out a ritual. I only have a little knowledge from my dabbling in reading, yet I still understand that.

Which means, it really had to be my fault…… No, I mustn’t. I lost my train of thought again. And in a bad direction, on top of that.

Despite how much I want to do something by myself, my heart just keeps being timid and weak. Is it because I haven’t been able to sleep? I feel like I can hear that crying voice once again, slowly, slowly getting closer. My ears aren’t meant to be trembling. It passes through my eardrums, to my head, and echoes in my heart. Why do I feel dizzy? My vision, filled with letters, starts going warped. I feel like I’ll fall asleep like this. But if I fall asleep, I’ll see it……

「Thought you looked familiar, is it you, Suzette?」