Chapter 31 - Volume 2 (1/2)

That extraordinary nightmare is always the same, too cruel to be declared just my imagination or just a coincidence. Hearing that unceasing crying voice makes me feel like I’ll be imprisoned in that dream just like that. Somehow, it feels like it’s approaching closer to me too, so I feel even more depressed. What kind of horror is this?

Well now, even though I said I’d look for ‘some way to deal with this’, I can’t deny that the truth is I have absolutely no idea where to start or what to do. At times like this, consulting a professional is best. But the closest professional to me currently, that man…… My dear husband, is the one I especially don’t want to tell about this.

Since there’s no point arguing over that, I reject that option. It may end up becoming a huge pain for me in the future if he finds out, ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ but it’ll be alright if he doesn’t find out. If he doesn’t find out.

Since that’s out of the question, what about my father-in-law Lancent who’s also a wizard, or my father who’s the Governor of Magical Books, or my brother? My father-in-law is an excellent wizard. I’m sure he’d give me good advice. But if I ask him about it, the possibility of it being leaked to that man is extremely high.

Then what about my father or brother? The two of them usually dealt with great numbers of magical books, so they would gladly share some of their knowledge one way or another.

However, the two of them are very overprotective and doting of me. If I told them, there’s a chance they might take the opportunity to tell me to come home. My young brother might especially flare up at that man, saying, 「What did you do to her when you were together?」 So I must dismiss that possibility as well. Which means.

「Looks like I really can’t do anything except to do some research myself……」

Saying that in a half-sigh, I put on the dress coat I’d taken out from the closet in my room. Then, not escorted by anyone, I left the mansion alone and boarded a shared carriage on the main street.

That man relies on a carriage from the association every morning that comes to our mansion. However, I don’t go outside everyday. So leaving for the main street and searching for a carriage was just like getting a taxi or bus if you compare it to『before』.

It wouldn’t be strange for us aristocrats to have our own exclusive carriage in the first place. However, our estate doesn’t have it for the same reason we don’t have any servants. Under normal circumstances, everyone would be raising their hands to work as an exclusive carriage driver for a great hero. But in that man’s case, that didn’t happen.

He is one of the heroes of the saved world. But if you ask whether the fear and hatred towards the color 『black』 has completely been cleared off, the answer is no. The perception towards 『black』 has already been deeply ingrained in this world, and I’ve already realized that nothing can be done about it.

Everyone reacts to the color black, more or less. Of course, there are exceptions, but they’re still a small minority. Even I don’t know how things would have turned out between us if the 『past』 『me』 didn’t exist.

——If the 『past』 me didn’t exist.

Would I have been afraid of that man then? Would I have loathed him? But right now, all that I am is just because of the past 『me』, so this is nothing more than a ‘what if’.

The carriage shook and clattered for a little while, but before long, it stopped in front of a certain building. I looked up to see the white palace, stretching across my entire vision. This is the place where all the royals live, where the leaders and officials that manage this country, the magicians and knights that protect it all gather. The city center of our country.

The place I was heading to was the national library, open to even the general public, located in a corner of the palace. It boasts of having the greatest collection of books in the country, and it’s a place I’ve stepped foot in countless times, taken here by my father at an early age.

I stand in front of the large door that had already turned amber, with its beautiful delicate carving. In place of my identification documents, I present the magical jewel bracelet that man gave me, and enter like usual. Right as I did, the unique library scent of paper and ink wafted to my nose. No matter what time it is, this place is always full of the unchanging silence.

「Well now.」

Muttering that quiet enough to not disturb the silence, I immediately head towards the bookshelves where magical books were lined up. Hanging my dress coat on a nearby chair, I begin rummaging through the bookshelf right away.

Near the bookshelves are people who are clearly magicians, people that seem to be spell teachers, and people who are probably studying to get in the Academy of Magic. They are of various genders and ages, but they all have just one common feature. Which is that their hair is all close to black……

For example, there are those with grey hair, hair like silver ink, silver hair with a tinge of black mixed in it, and dark grey hair. Some have hair with just a little part of it black or close to black mixed with their hair, some have hair where just the tips or roots are those colors. Thanks to that, this section of the library gives off an unusually black impression.

Looking at them all gathered here, I can say that my father-in-law Lancent and that man’s disciple both have hair colors rather close to black. Then, that man’s hair, closer to black – or, rather, black itself, really is so rare. Thinking about that, I let my eyes glide to the spines of the books lined up in front of me.

Like the others, I pick out several books and head towards the seating area. Taking my dress coat from the chair, I settle down at a small tablespace near the window. The area is big enough for a few people to sit and read. Even though it’s by the window, it barely gets any sunlight. The dimly lit seat seems to seldom be used.

At least it’s almost always empty whenever I go here, which is very convenient. Since it’s in a secluded space surrounded by bookshelves, it’s far away from the public eye, so it really is just perfect. While being thankful that the seat is luckily empty today as usual, I take one of the books in my hand.

——Magicians certainly have a side that is feared, but more than that, they have a side that is closely connected to daily life.