Part 13 (2/2)

He has a somber look on his face that makes my stomach jump into my throat.

I won't be surprised if he sits down beside me and says he's done with whatever it is we are doing and moving back onto his bandmates tour bus.

I've been a b.i.t.c.h, using him for s.e.x without caring about his feelings at all. I'm being greedy by wanting to have that physical connection with Jordon; all the while refusing to allow myself to connect with him on an emotional level.

”You scared me.” I finally say just above a whisper. I gaze up at his tall towering 6'1” figure and get lost for a moment in his eyes. Those blue eyes that are glowing in the moonlight s.h.i.+ning over his face, ”I didn't think anyone knew I was down here.” I confess before dropping my gaze back to my lap.

I nervously peel at my beer label as Jordon sits down beside me in the sand without saying a word.

After what feels like an eternity of awkward silence, Jordon finally speaks. He has his hands resting behind him propping his body up mimicking the way I'm sitting.

He never looks at me, just keeps his eyes focused ahead which drives me insane because I love staring into his eyes as he talks to me. I love to feel his words in my soul rather than to just hear them, to allow our bodies to connect through our eyes locking onto one another.

”I saw you run out of the house like the f.u.c.king place was on fire or some s.h.i.+t and book it down to the beach. Curiosity got the better of me, and I wondered inside to find the two chicks Nash and Kingston brought back from the concert. I saw them doing blow in your living room and put two and two together. I called them cabs to take their a.s.ses anywhere but here. Then I stood up on your deck watching you down here trying to get the courage to walk down and tell you everything I've wanted to since that first night together in Miami.”

As Jordon's words sink in I feel my heart flutter as it fights to come back to life. It's been fighting to awaken since the night we met and no matter how hard I am fighting it, my heart is defeating me and starting to fall for Jordon.

Knowing he sent those girls away to help me fight the urge to get high makes me crumble. No matter what I do or say he never gives up on me. It's confusing the h.e.l.l out of me, and I don't know what to do.

Staring out at the waves as they roll in, I drink half of my beer before holding it out to Jordon, silently asking if he wants some. With how I am feeling I know I need a good buzz to deal with the s.h.i.+t in my head. I imagine he feels the same.

We've been drinking since backstage at the concert; add what I've had here, and my body is starting to relax. I can feel myself letting go; releasing the protective s.h.i.+eld on my heart.

I decide to speak my mind and later, if it bites me in the a.s.s, I'll blame it on the alcohol.

Jordon drinks down the remainder of my beer before setting it down in the sand and s.h.i.+fting his body towards mine as I turn slightly to face him. I curl my legs up behind me and lock my eyes where they've been begging to be since he sat down beside me.

Right onto his.

”I have so much I want to say to you...I just don't know how to get the words out.” I finally say with my words slightly shaky.

Jordon lets out a nervous laugh. ”Well let me help you by going first. I like you Brittan. Really like you. Yeah, you're f.u.c.king amazing in the sack, but besides being a fine piece of a.s.s.” He cracks a panty melting smile at me as he mentions our off the Richter scale s.e.x. I feel myself flush in the moonlight that's glowing over the two of us. ”I actually enjoy and want to be around you as much as I can. You are fun, outspoken, always keeping me on my toes, and you've invaded my every thought.” This time he lets out the deep raspy laugh I love so much, and slides his hand behind my neck pulling me closer to him. ”You're like a song that no matter how hard I try I can't get out of my head. Since we're being honest Brittan, I never want to get you out of my head.”

Holy-fricking-cow!

I don't know how to respond to that. It's as if every word he speaks. .h.i.ts my walls like a sledge hammer. Destroying the protective barrier I've worked so hard to build and making me question everything.

”Umm...” I lick my lips that are now very dry. It feels like the Sahara desert in my d.a.m.n throat right now. ”I don't even know how to respond to that. You make my brain go haywire, Jordon. It scares the living s.h.i.+t out of me. Anyone else I can throw any s.h.i.+t their way and after a while they throw their hands in the air and walk away. But you, you just throw it right back at me and push me to fight instead of allowing me to lock myself away from everyone and everything. You seriously scare the s.h.i.+t out of me. You make my heart flutter...like seriously flutter like a d.a.m.n b.u.t.terfly in my chest. When I swear it feels like it hasn't beaten a day since Cane died. That alone terrifies me. I don't know what it means.”

I shake my head as I try to make sense of everything I'm saying. I am hoping Jordon understands what it is I'm trying to say. I just have so many words in my head that I'm trying to get out. If I don't, I am afraid I never will.

”Brittan, I know you love Cane and always will. I don't want to ever make you feel like that is a deal breaker for us. I'm okay with sharing, because like I told Roxie earlier, baby I'll take you any way I can have you. If that means I only get a piece of your heart, then I'll cherish that one piece as if it is the most priceless item on the G.o.d d.a.m.n planet.”

I can't believe this man. This man who looks like the rough bad boy on the outside, but beneath the tattoos, bad att.i.tude, and rock star whoring ways is the man who's awakening my heart. He's asking me to give him a chance.

He wants me, even when I'm broken and damaged; he still fights to be with me.

Other men would rather toss me aside and find the next pretty s.h.i.+ny girl to have fun with. Even after he discovered the girl hiding behind the broken pieces, Jordon hasn't stopped trying. He sees the real person I am beneath it all.

He sees the real me I didn't even know existed anymore.

She's been hiding away trying to mask the pain and sadness and afraid to let anyone inside, until Jordon came along ignoring my pleas to leave us at just friends. He broke down everything I'd built around myself, forcing me to step out into the sunlight and for once say it's okay to feel alive.

It's okay to feel life after loss.

Not wanting to speak anymore, I give in to the feelings consuming me and allow myself to let go of everything holding me back, and just live in the moment.

I reach out and hold Jordon's face between my hands pulling him to me. The instant our lips touch, I feel that tiny flutter in my chest shatter the ice that had coated my heart for all these years. For the first time since Cane was alive my heart beats forcefully against my chest.

As I deepen our kiss, Jordon grips the back of my neck pinning my mouth to his. I feel like he's holding me there, fearful that if he lets go I'll vanish, making none of this real.

Frantically, I grab Jordon's free hand and press it against my chest, letting him feel the rhythmic beat of my heart against his hand. I'm letting him feel what I'm feeling: his kiss awakening every part of me.

For the first time, I'm not fighting him or the feelings he's bringing out of me. As tears mist my eyes, I whisper against his lips, ”Do you feel that?”

He just nods and presses his lips to mine, eagerly sliding his tongue into my mouth. He causes moans to erupt inside of my throat and vibrate into his mouth as our tongues intertwine.

Wanting to grab this moment with both hands before it has a chance to slip away, Jordon swiftly jumps to his feet, lifting me up and hugging me against his chest. I wrap my legs tightly around his back, lock my ankles together and hook my arms around his neck.

Within seconds, he's climbing the stairs of my deck and making his way into my house. All I can do is laugh and wave to the guys and Roxie as they watch us disappear up the stairs towards my bedroom.

Entering the bathroom and dropping my feet onto the tile floor, Jordon begins stripping his clothing off. With a sly smile on his lips, slips me out of my skirt and top.

”We're going to f.u.c.k in this shower. Then again in your bed, where you're going to fall asleep curled in my arms. When we wake up in the morning, we're going to do it all over again. Do we have an understanding?”

A s.h.i.+ver slides down my spine and stops at my heart. It's now thumping so fiercely against my ribs I think there's a good chance it's going to bust straight through and onto my bathroom floor.

Nodding, I bite nervously on my lip as I allow all my reservations to float away. A calm settles over me as I stand naked in my bathroom under the intense stare of Jordon's piercing blue eyes.

Before I have a second to change my mind, Jordon grabs my hand and leads me into the shower.

Tonight is a turning point for us. I have Roxie to thank for it. Without her words smacking me hard in the face I would still be living in denial.

I don't know what this will mean once we're both sober in the morning, but for the first time I'm not allowing myself to worry about what tomorrow will bring.

Will You Be My Valentine?.

Jordon.

It's been three days since Brittan, and I talked on the beach, opening up to each other for the first time. I have never in my life been so d.a.m.n nervous. I was pouring my heart out to her and preparing for Brittan to stomp on it and throw it out into the ocean for the sharks to eat. Instead, she shocked me by confessing she felt the same.

Brittan is a very complicated chick. I know that she's worth it. My bandmates think I'm crazy settling down. Well, all except Lawson. He's happy that he won't be the only one not whoring around backstage every night. Kingston and Zane, on the other hand, are p.i.s.sed they're losing a wingman.

They just don't get it. I don't think they ever will until they meet that one girl who shakes their entire world, making them feel like they're nothing without her in it.

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