Part 12 (1/2)

Opening them, I peer up into his and allow myself to get lost momentarily in his deep blue irises. They send a wave cras.h.i.+ng over me was.h.i.+ng my fears away, and allowing a calm to settle inside my heart that was only a moment ago beating frantically against my chest.

”You okay?” His words are filled with fear, and I don't want him to be afraid to touch me. Or for him to worry that one wrong move will shatter me, sending me back into the addiction that has crippled my life for too many years.

Nodding, I give him a weak smile, ”I'm okay. Just a little overwhelmed. For the first time in eight years, I don't feel guilty.” I answer honestly with my voice cracking.

I refuse to cry.

I have cried enough tears. It's time to allow myself to feel happiness.

Jordon sucks in a sharp intake of air, as he processes what I'm saying.

Sliding out of me, he leans down and presses a short kiss to my lips. Pus.h.i.+ng up he searches my face as he looks to be struggling with whatever thoughts are bouncing around in his head.

With each pa.s.sing second of silence, my body tenses as fear seeps into my bones.

I am hard to handle on a good day, maybe Jordon is thinking he bit off more than he can chew.

Surprising me, Jordon grips the side of my face and crashes his mouth to mine for a soul shattering, heart stopping kiss. I sink into the couch beneath me as my body relaxes.

Stopping our kiss, Jordon rests his forehead against mine and lets out the s.e.xiest chuckle, ”What are you doing to me Brittan McKenna?”

I let out a nervous laugh, ”I don't know...but I'd like to ask you the same thing.”

Riding a New Kind of High.

It feels like it was just yesterday we were loading our buses to kick off this tour, and now it's the eleventh of February! I never imagined I would be enjoying my tour as much as I am right now, but I'm actually have the most fun touring that I've had in years.

It's been almost three weeks and six shows since Jordon moved onto my bus. Things between us have been amazing.

Overwhelming.

But absolutely amazing.

I am trying to heal, and Jordon is helping me with that. For now, we're just friends with benefits, but I haven't seen him hooking up with anyone besides me. I've had more than enough chances to hook up with guys over the last few weeks after shows, but I'm trying to stop my destructive behavior and focus on my sobriety. I'm also slowly learning to accept that it's okay to be happy.

I have my moments where I feel like my world is starting to spin out of control, but whenever I do Jordon has been right there to help me through it. Roxie is Jordon's biggest fan, and she hasn't even met him yet. She says she can already see a difference. So I imagine she'll spend the entire time she's here grilling me about Jordon.

I've loved chilling together with both bands. We all have made it a ritual to get together on my bandmate's bus and have poker night or just hang out while all we all play Kinect. I haven't had this much fun with my own bandmates in forever. I've been so lost over the last few years and we all slowly began to grow apart.

Having Jordon come into my life has been a blessing in disguise. He's been the extra support I need to stay clean and has helped me learn how to live again.

We have a show tonight in L.A. and Roxie is flying in to watch and spend a few days with me here. Matt also has a game in Los Angeles, so they're going to spend Valentine's Day in Napa Valley. We have a few days of down time here before we hit the road again to travel through the Midwest, so we're going to stay at my house in Malibu. I haven't been there since just before I overdosed, so it's going to be weird walking through those doors sober.

My life fell apart while living in California, away from all my family and friends. I'm ready to start fresh and make some happy memories there. It's a good sized beach house, so I'm letting all of Tempting Tomorrow stay there with us. Nash, Holden, Casper and Levi all have houses between Malibu and Los Angeles, but said they'll stay the first night so we can party together. I told them we'll use this time to celebrate the first five weeks of our tour being a success!

Right now I'm getting my hair and makeup done because we have a photo shoot and interview for our new alb.u.m. The guys have it easy; they take ten minutes in hair and makeup they're all ready. Me, it takes two hours to look as amazing as they make me. I think I've tried on twenty outfits before I decided on a pleated red skirt, and black off the shoulder tee with a big skull on it. Adding a spiked bracelet, matching spike earrings and a new hoop ring for my nose, I complete the outfit with knee high lace up leather platform boots.

I love the outfit so much I'm going to see about keeping it and wearing it tonight at our concert. I look pretty f.u.c.king bada.s.s if I must say.

As you can guess, Envy Magazine is going for a hardcore cover to promote our Falling Into Darkness alb.u.m. We'll have our cover and interview in the April issue, a month before the alb.u.m releases. Our first single on the alb.u.m has already broken into the top ten on Billboard's Top 100. I will freak if we hit number one because it's one of the songs I wrote while in rehab. I poured my heart and soul into it.

An extremely s.e.xy guy appears wearing nice tight jeans, b.u.t.ton up white dress s.h.i.+rt and dirty blonde hair styled in a faux hawk. He is definitely hot, and if I wasn't banging Jordon and trying to stay on the straight and narrow, I'd so bang him in the closest storage closet I could find.

”Hey, I'm Reagan and I'll be shooting you guys for the magazine cover and article.” He says reaching his hand out to me first. He gives me a wicked grin that makes me just a little bit weak in the knees.

After shaking hands and introducing ourselves to Reagan, we dive straight into photo shoot mode. The shoot takes two hours and by the time we head to the boardroom for our interview; my feet are killing me, and we still have a show this evening.

Maybe I'll skip wearing these boots tonight.

When we walked into the boardroom I instantly recognize Savannah Livingston-Knox. She's been all over the press the last year. Her husband is Kayden Knox, a billionaire oil tyc.o.o.n from Houston and owner of Vertigo, one of the top night clubs. We have performed many times at the South Beach location.

Her parents are a chart topping country duo, and she was blessed with an amazing voice, but as we saw today, her pa.s.sion is in interviewing and not singing. I've seen the performances she's done at her husband's club posted on YouTube. She's really progressed with her vocals, so I'm shocked she didn't follow in her parents' footsteps. I guess you have to really want to be in this business because it can easily chew you up and spit you out.

After the shoot, we all went to the arena to get ready for rehearsal. I opted to take a nap on my tour bus before rehearsals, while the guys went and hung out with Jordon, Kingston, Lawson and Zane in the green room.

They won't pa.s.s on a full bar anywhere.

I set my alarm on my cell to make sure I don't oversleep but didn't need it. I instantly wake up to the feeling of familiar hands sliding along my thigh under the blankets.

Opening my eyes, I am met with a heart stopping smile from Jordon.

”Hey, sleepyhead. We just finished our sound check. You guys are up in thirty.” He says as he leans down and begins fluttering kisses along my bare shoulder.

I had taken my outfit off because I didn't want to wrinkle it, and I think Jordon is pleased with me opting to sleep in my bra and panties. He has a mischievous gleam in his eye as he traces the top of my b.r.e.a.s.t.s with his rough, callused fingers.

Just the thought of what those fingers can do to me in a matter of seconds makes me clench my thighs together. I try to ignore the insistent throbbing between them.

”Well that hour went by fast.” I laugh as I fall back on the bed, and gingerly slide my fingers through Jordon's silky locks.

”I got you a mocha frappachino...well my a.s.sistant did, but hey, it's the thought that counts.” Climbing up onto his knees, he grabs the ice coffee off of the stand beside my bed and dangles it above my head.

I don't think I've smiled this much since Cane. A hurt my cheeks; face-splitting grin is going on right now.

It's surreal.

”Well, I think that deserves a proper thank you.” I say matter-of-factly.

Fisting Jordon's tight Nirvana tee, I pull him to me for a quick kiss. Just as he's trying to deepen the kiss, I break away from his lips and with a sly smile I shoved him back onto the bed.

”No s.e.x, at least not until after the show. I need all the energy I can muster after the day I've had.” I crawl between his legs and giggle at the sad puppy dog face he is displaying.

”You had me at proper thank you, and then you break my heart all in the same breath.” His words come out whiny and oh-so-adorable.

Rolling my eyes, I get to work on unb.u.t.toning his jeans and freeing his d.i.c.k that is already hard and ready.