Part 3 (1/2)

”You look fricking awesome, girly!” Roxie shouts, as Dalton and Matt make cat calls up at me.

I can't help but blush. I'm wearing a micro mini leather skirt, black lace bra and red sheer tank top over it. I have on fishnet stockings and red stilettos which seem to be a favorite for all the guys in here tonight, because my friends aren't the only ones making cat calls. My dark auburn hair is falling down my back in big curls with the bright red highlights I added this week to give me an edgier look. I was nervous about it, but Roxie a.s.sured me it looked amazing.

Pressing my mouth to the mic and raising my hand in the air towards the crowd, I yell out to them, ”Are you guys ready to ring in 2006 with Beyond Redemption?!”

The shouting of 'h.e.l.l yes! f.u.c.k yeah!' Make my ears ring; we're in a pretty good sized night club, with about two hundred people in here. The screams echo around us continuously.

All the guys behind me yell out at the crowd getting them pumped up, while Holden shouts into his mic, ”Why don't y'all give our girl Brittan a proper welcome!”

The crowd is going crazy chanting, ”Brittan...Brittan...Brittan!” I can't stop grinning; my cheeks are starting to hurt! The excitement is intoxicating, and the show hasn't even begun yet!

Shaking my head, I grip the mic stand, ”Thanks! I am so excited to perform for y'all with these guys tonight!” Glancing over my shoulder, I signal to Casper that I'm ready, and as soon as he begins strumming the guitar to Flyleaf's, Fully Alive, Nash joins in on drums followed by Levi and Holden on their guitars.

I let the music take over my body. Closing my eyes, I start singing and the words flow out smooth and effortless as every bit of nervousness seeps out of me, vanis.h.i.+ng into the crowd. I feel at home up here, and never felt more alive than I do at this moment.

This is exactly where I belong.

January 11, 2006.

”I swear that cla.s.s was so boring, I almost resorted to taping my freaking eyelids open so that I wouldn't fall asleep. Mr. Garrett's voice is like that guy's from the d.a.m.n Visine commercials; I cannot wait to be done with his cla.s.s.” I say dryly as Roxie, and I pull out of the Starbucks drive through.

Taking a sip from her Mocha Frappuccino, she nods her head in agreement. We are both in different majors but have the same calculus cla.s.s.

”I pray to G.o.d I pa.s.s this d.a.m.n cla.s.s because I don't think I can go through another semester listening to him go on and on for an hour.” Roxie says as she lets out an aggravated moan.

I mentally cringe as she mentions grades. I'm doing well in all my cla.s.ses so far, but that one, I'll be lucky if I pa.s.s. ”I don't even want to think about that right now. I say we just head back to my place and spend the rest of the day sitting out on my balcony drinking a bottle of wine and promise to not mention calculus for the remainder of the day!” I laugh as I pull onto my street.

Holding her hand up like a Boy Scout, Roxie laughs, ”I swear to not mention Mr. Garrett for the remainder of the day, or I hope, this lifetime!”

Parking my car next to Cane's Silverado, I grab my tote, slinging it over my shoulder and head towards my condo. It's a gorgeous day today, so I'm ready to spend the afternoon chilling on the balcony, enjoying the warm ocean breeze.

Running up the stairs, I can hear Roxie b.i.t.c.hing behind me, ”Brittan seriously...ughh...wait up!” as I hear her heels click clacking up the stairs. She dresses to the nines every day for cla.s.s because she does the college news for one of her journalism cla.s.ses.

Laughing, I gaze down at her as I get to the top of the stairs of my condo. ”That's what you get for wearing heels to cla.s.s, biotch!” She rolls her eyes at my sarcasm.

As soon as my feet hit the top of the stairs, they freeze as a cold chill settles over me, causing my entire body to go numb. My heart is beginning to race, feeling as if any second it's going to burst out of my chest.

”What the h.e.l.l!” Roxie yells as she crashes into the back of me and catches herself on the railing.

I can't respond because my mouth won't work. I'm frozen like a statue, and my throat has shriveled up making it physically impossible to form a single syllable.

Gripping my arms, Roxie physically moves me out of the way, stopping beside me. Her eyes search my face, ”What's wrong? You look like you just saw a fricking ghost or something.” Waving her hands in front of my face, she yells, ”Brittan?”

I just start shaking my head no, as tears well up in my eyes. I try to swallow, but it feels like a golf ball is lodge in my throat. My eyes are locked on the two men standing by my door in military uniforms.

My worst nightmare is coming true.

Panicking, I release my grip on the iced coffee in my hand, and it crashes to the ground as my bag slips from my shoulder. Nothing moves me. Not the coffee on my feet, or the thud of my bag as it hits the wooden deck.

The next few minutes are a blur and go by as if I'm in a nightmare waiting to wake up. Roxie spots the two men that have me frozen in a world of panic, and takes my hand leading me down to my door. Each step feels like my feet have hundred pound weights on them.

I hear voices in my head screaming to turn around and run, never stop. If I don't hear the words; they won't make the reality real. I can live in a coc.o.o.n of false hope where my mind see's Cane still in Iraq for his deployment.

Tears I'm trying to hold back begin falling one by one of their own accord as the two men whose faces will now forever be burned into my mind, look down at me sympathetically.

I don't want their sympathy! I want my fiance!

”Brittan McKenna?” The older one asks as his eyes lock onto mine.

Nodding my head yes, I drop my eyes to the ground. I can't look at him; I wish the floor beneath me would open up and take me away from here.

The older man clears his throat causing my eyes to snap back up to his, ”Ma'am, we need to speak to you in private, so if we can please continue this inside.” His words come out almost robotic, as if he's said them a million times before.

I know once we're in private he'll confirm what I know. I don't think I can hear those words. I don't want to hear anything they have to say.

I shake my head no. ”You can say whatever it is out here or you can go.” My words come out hoa.r.s.e, but firm. Roxie immediately cuts me off and grips my arm with her left hand which is shaking as badly as mine is.

”Ma'am, we have to discuss this in private.” The younger soldier says, with a softer tone.

”I'm so sorry, Sir...” Roxie says with a shaky voice, ”Please, come inside.” Turning her attention to me, she whispers into my ear, ”Brittan, I know you're scared but it could be other news. Maybe Cane is just injured. You can't lose hope.”

I know she's trying to be supportive, but I can feel it deep in my soul that Cane is gone. Tears continue to fall as I gaze out at the ocean and to all the happy people running around on the beach without a care in the world; while I stand up here with my heart breaking and my entire world shattering around me.

Roxie quickly moves in front of me, unlocks the door with her key, lets the two men into my condo and pulls me in behind her.

Roxie and I make our way over to my sofa and sit down while the two men stay standing in the center of my living room.

Holding his hat in his hands against his abdomen, the younger man focuses his eyes on me while Roxie holds my hand, squeezing it to the point where I don't think the blood is flowing to my fingers.

”We're sorry to inform you that Specialist Cane Allen died early this morning in Germany. His Humvee ran over an IUD in the early morning hours. He was flown to a military hospital in Germany for emergency surgery but...” He says pausing, then continues, ”He succ.u.mbed to his injuries...”

Screams erupt from deep within me as the words I've been trying not to hear hit me like a freight train.

Cane. Is. Dead.

”No...no...” I look to Roxie for support, for her to demand they check again. It can't be Cane. This isn't how our story was supposed to end!

Roxie's eyes are full of tears as she wraps her arms around me, while we sob against each other. ”I'm so sorry, Brittan...so sorry.” She cries with her face buried into my hair.

Anger consumes me as I lunge at the soldier who looks no older than Cane. Beating my fists against his chest, I stare up at his eyes that were once cold and emotionless but are now turning sad as they witness my breakdown.

”Why?! Why Cane? It can't be true...it can't!” I cry out, as he wraps his arms around me.

”We're truly sorry for your loss, ma'am. Specialist Allen was an amazing and dedicated soldier.”