Part 38 (1/2)
FEEGOBBLE:
Defendant, hence, or, by the G.o.ds, I'll brain thee!-- Unless you saved some turneps to retain me.
HAYSEED:
As I was saying, I got up and dusted, My ranch a graveyard and my business busted!
But hearing that a fellow from the City, Who calls himself a Citizens' Committee, Was coming up to play the very d.i.c.kens, With those who cover up our farms with slickens, And make himself--unless I am in error-- To all such miscreants a holy terror, I thought if I would join the dialogue I maybe might get payment for my dog.
ALL (_Singing_):
O the dog is the head of Creation, Prime work of the Master's hand; He hasn't a known occupation, Yet lives on the fat of the land.
Adipose, indolent, sleek and orbicular, Sun-soaken, door matted, cross and particular, Men, women, children, all coddle and wait on him, Then, accidentally shutting the gate on him, Miss from their calves, ever after, the rifted out Mouthful of tendons that doggy has lifted out!
(_Enter Junket_.)
JUNKET:
Well met, my hearties! I must trouble you Jointly and severally to provide A comfortable carriage, with relays Of hardy horses. This Committee means To move in state about the country here.
I shall expect at every place I stop Good beds, of course, and everything that's nice, With bountiful repast of meat and wine.
For this Committee comes to sea and mark And inwardly digest.
HAYSEED:
Digest my dog!
NOZZLE:
First square my claim for damages: the gold Escaping with the slickens keeps me poor!
RINGDIVVY:
I merely would remark that if you'd grease My itching palm it would more glibly glide Into the public pocket.
FEEGOBBLE:
Sir, the wheels Of justice move but slowly till they're oiled.
I have some certain writs and warrants here, Prepared against your advent. You recall The tale of Zaccheus, who did climb a tree, And Jesus said: ”Come down”?
JUNKET:
Why, bless your souls!
I've got no money; I but came to see What all this noisy babble is about, Make a report and file the same away.
NOZZLE, RINGDIVVY, FEEGOBBLE, HAYSEED:
How'll that help _us_? Reports are not our style Of provender!
JUNKET:
Well, you can gnaw the file.