Part 17 (1/2)
It was now her turn to blush. Each noticed the other's discomfiture at the same time, and both broke into an embarra.s.sed chuckle.
”Oh, Andrew. You're too sweet... Pa.s.s me that coat!”
He handed it to her, and she put it over her shoulders, adjusting it such that only her boots were showing.
”Is that better? Do I now look decent enough for my man?” she teased him.
”Yes, Helen... You're not annoyed with me?”
”No, you silly man, I'm not.”
He took her right hand and held on to it for a few second, searching her eyes. Then he kissed her palm, and she withdrew her hand, giggling.
”This tickles... Shouldn't we be off?”
They took to the road to Callander again, riding at a brisk pace, side-by-side. Whenever it went downhill, they cantered. Although Helen had never ridden a full-size horse-her only experience had been riding bareback on the smaller Highland ponies-she quickly got the hang of it. Initially, they just looked at each other from time to time, exchanging smiles, Andrew's full of happiness, Helen's often revealing a troubled sadness. The finality of her decision of following Andrew and never seeing her family again weighed heavily. Her biggest regret was that she hadn't said goodbye to Betty, of never seeing her best friend again. She already missed her.
After a while, Andrew seemed to become aware of it. He reached out to touch her hand. He told her what he knew about America. This took her mind temporarily off her trouble, and she wanted to hear about the Indians, about the kind of boat they would sail on, how long it would take them to traverse the Atlantic, whether Andrew intended to buy land there which she had heard was so cheap.
Shortly after midday, they pa.s.sed through Callander and late afternoon Andrew pointed out a hill rising in the distance.
”Look, we can already see Stirling Castle. We'll soon be at the Golden Chalice. I've stayed there before. It's a cosy place. You'll like it, I'm sure.”
”I need it. I can feel every muscle. I don't know if I can still walk.”
”I'll carry you.”
”No, you won't. We'll have to behave and make a good impression.”
”Then let's pretend we're married, Helen.”
She felt pushed into a corner again. ”But we are not.”
”If we claim to be brother and sister and anybody suspects us to be lovers, we're in serious trouble. If we claim to be married, it's difficult to challenge us. And there are always people who see it as their duty to safeguard the mores of society and who may denounce us the moment they suspect anything, and that could delay us badly.”
”All right,” Helen said, pursing her lips. ”You win... Men always need to win.”
”You're not fair, Helen,” he murmured.
They rode silently side by side. Helen stared straight ahead. She could sense Andrew glancing at her from time to time. After a while, he said: ”Helen, if you want us to be brother and sister, we'll do that.”
She looked at him for several seconds. His pleading eyes made her feel bad. ”No, Andrew. We do as you said... I accused you unfairly. I'm sorry. I think I just reacted that way because I felt you were again pus.h.i.+ng me into marrying you right away ... in a round-about way.”
”I want to marry you, but I'm willing to wait for you to make the decision.”
”Even if it takes a lifetime?”
”Even then, but I don't think it will take a lifetime, my love,” he replied, looking at her smiling. She did not respond to his smile and he turned serious. ”Helen, there is something you are not telling me. I can feel it.”
Should I tell? Could I? Do I really know my own mind? Conflicting feelings were tearing her in different directions. Would he even understand?
”Why don't you want to tell me? ... Please, Helen, I need to know. Nay, I deserve to know.”
”Don't you know what happened to my cousins from Glengyle, that same summer of 1746?”
He looked at her blandly. ”No.”
”Argyle cavalry brutally killed my uncle, his wife, my cousin Mary and many more-women and children. Your people did that. How can I even think of marrying a Campbell after that?” As she said that, her voice became more and more strident.
His face became somber. ”I am sorry, Helen. I did not know. But why do you say 'my people did that'?”
”-You are Lord Archibald's blood.”
”That's true and I wish it were not so. But they are not my people. The Campbells of Argyle would rather not know me. They don't consider me one of theirs, nor do I see myself as one of them... Please, let this not come between us.” When she did not respond, he added: ”Helen, look at me.”
”It is there, Andrew. I can't help it. I feel disloyal to my clan.”
”Time will heal those wounds, as it heals everything.”
”It has not and its almost four year now.”
”Helen, it will and I refuse to let the quarrels of the clans come between us, but I will not press you. I'll give you all the time you need.”
She could feel his love reaching out to her and felt suddenly small, petty, adding to her confusion.
A flicker of a smile crossed his face. ”For what it's worth, I am also half MacDonald.”
She felt relieved to be offered an escape and eagerly asked: ”You found out who your mother is? Did you meet her?”
”No, she died young. She was a MacDonald, Elizabeth was her name. She married a year after I was born and died in childbirth.”
”How sad!”
”Yes, I would have liked to meet her, to know my MacDonald side.”
Helen was awed by the size of the castle dominating the little town on the flank of its hill. But even that little town was larger than any settlement she had ever seen. It was the first real town she visited in her life, with its narrow streets, even narrower alleys of two- and a few three-storey buildings tightly cl.u.s.tered together, with many shops open every weekday.
The Golden Chalice was a small, cosy inn at the lowest part of the town. When Helen attempted to get off the horse, she was too sore to lift her leg over the saddle. She begged Andrew for help, and he slid her out of the saddle. She sensed his desire to embrace her right there and looked at him sternly.
The innkeeper, a man in his early forties, eyed them rather curiously. There was something odd about them-Helen still wearing Andrew's riding coat, Andrew's saddle bags their only luggage. He showed them to a small room on the first floor. Once alone, Andrew took Helen into his arms. She simply melted into his embrace, both mentally and physically exhausted.
12.
”Would you like to rest a bit?”
Her head under his chin, she just nodded. He lifted her up and laid her on the bed, kissing her forehead. After removing her boots he sat next to her and held her left hand, stroking it. She smiled, her eyes closed. Within a few minutes, her regular breathing told him that she was asleep. He watched her, his heart overflowing with love, with a wish to protect her, to make her happy.