Part 16 (1/2)
She raised her head, the first smile of the day on her face. ”Andrew, even if I wanted, I can't go back. I'm too scared of Robert and my father. You're stuck with me.”
He kissed her. ”I like nothing better than being stuck with you... But now we must be going. Are you up to riding behind me, until we can get you a horse?”
”Do I have a choice?” Blus.h.i.+ng, she added: ”Though, I'm rather sore from rubbing my thighs on the horse's back.”
He looked embarra.s.sed. Then his face lit up. He quickly searched through his saddle bags and handed her a pair of white stockings and tight dark green velvet breeches that he had bought in France. ”You could wear these under your petticoat. They'll protect you.”
She held them against her to check their size. ”They are a bit long, but they must do.”
She quickly removed her boots and slipped them on. Trying to tie the loose front flap, she chuckled. ”I've nothing to fill this.”
”I'm glad,” he replied with a smile. Getting crimson, she averted her gaze.
They rode briskly on the road west. There was no soul about yet. Neither talked. Helen seemed subdued. In contrast, Andrew felt almost euphoric. Periodically, he put his hand on Helen's, clasped around his waist, as if to make sure that she was still there, although he could feel her against his back. Every time a wave of gladness flooded his heart. His Helen was coming with him! He could hardly believe it. Even in his wildest dreams, he had never dared to hope that she would actually consent.
After half an hour, they turned south into Glen Ogle. The highest point in the glen was still in grey shade when Andrew guided the horse into a copse of oak, hidden from the road.
”Helen, let's rest for a short while and eat something. I'm ravenous. Mr. Nichols packed food for me.”
”Yes, I'm glad to stretch my sore limbs too ... and a bit of food will be nice.”
They munched on the delicious cheese and bread. A smile lit up Helen's face. ”You know, Andrew, whenever we're together, we always seem to have these little banquets.”
”We will have many more. In Edinburgh we shall dine in one of the best restaurants in the city.”
”Will we?” She had never been to a restaurant, not even an inn. She had only read about them. It all felt a bit overwhelming. ”I've never been farther south than Balquhidder. How are we going to get to Edinburgh?”
”If we can buy a horse for you at Lochearnhead, we should be able to make it to Stirling by tonight. Another hard day's ride and we'll be in Edinburgh. They'll be long rides. Do you think that you can manage, Helen?”
”If I must, I will.” She just hoped that the chafing would not get any worse.
”The quicker we leave the Highlands behind, the safer.”
”Yes, my father will be coming after us the moment they find Robert. I'm certain he will, or I'm not a MacGregor.” She smiled at her own choice of words, and Andrew returned her smile. ”And he won't give up at Edinburgh. He'll follow us into England.”
”I guess you're right, but if we cover each day a distance like this, we should be able to be a day or two ahead of him. Anyway, we'll just stay long enough in Edinburgh to buy additional clothing and other things we both need.” He hesitated. ”We could get married in Stirling, Helen.”
She did not answer right away. Somehow she felt not yet ready for that step. Everything had happened too fast. She felt that she had lost control over her own destiny, that she needed to sort out her thoughts first, to become master of her life again.
”Helen, there is nothing to prevent us anymore ... or is there? ... Why are you hesitating?”
”Andrew, let's get away safely first.”
”But you know that I want to marry you, the faster the better. Don't you want to be my wife?”
”Yes,” she answered. It sounded hesitant even to her.
”So, what's holding you back then? It can't be your promise to Robert ... not after what he did to you.”
”No, it's not Robert. Let's not rush it. Just get away first.”
”But we will be safer if we are married.”
”Why?”
”First, it would be less suspicious. If people suspect that we are not married, they could denounce us.”
”We could claim to be brother and sister.”
”Doing what?”
”That we're on our way to see our father who has fallen seriously ill in Edinburgh.”
”Without luggage? And after Edinburgh?”
”Oh, Andrew, Liverpool or whatever big city comes next.”
”But we don't look like brother and sister ... and I can't banish my love for you from my eyes. I don't want to curb myself even more by pretending to be mere brother and sister when I want to hold and kiss you all the time.”
”You couldn't kiss me in the open anyway. That would cause a scandal and really get us into trouble.”
”But at least it would be all right to look at you lovingly and to sometimes touch your hand... We couldn't sleep together. The maid would know right away next morning-or don't you want to share the bed with me?”
”Brother and sister are allowed to share beds.”
”Maybe in the Highlands, but not in England. And besides, if your father should catch up with us, heaven forbid, he can't prevent it anymore.”
”Oh, nothing would stop him.”
”He would have to accept what has been done.”
”It might just make him mad enough to kill us both.”
He looked at her for several seconds, a slight frown on his face. ”Helen, there is something. I can feel it. Why don't you want to tell me?”
”I don't really know. I just don't feel ready yet.”
”Is it because I'm illegitimate?”
”No, that's not your fault.”
”Because I am a Campbell?”
She lowered her gaze. Is it that? Is it so deeply ingrained in me?
”It did not matter four years ago. Does it now?”