Part 8 (1/2)

”Were you not scared?”

”Yes, for a second I was, but then I just acted by instinct.”

”Andrew, you should have returned to Killin by another way.” She blushed, averting her gaze.

”Yes, Helen, you're right. I should have, and from now on I'll be more careful. I hid the horse in the bushes at the head of the glen.”

He reached out and raised her face, their eyes meeting uncertainly.

”Andrew, is there any hope for us?”

”You mean you being a MacGregor and I a Campbell?”

She nodded anxiously.

”This is our parents' quarrel. It never was mine. It doesn't solve anything, it's stupid. Anyway, I don't feel I owe any allegiance to the Campbells-or does it change anything for you, Helen?” he asked worried.

She looked down on her hands and murmured: ”It might have, before I knew you.” Then she raised her face and met his gaze: ”But not anymore now.”

The furrows on his forehead disappeared and his smile returned. For a while they ate in silence, their eyes locked onto each other. After the meal, she sat next to him. He put his arms around her shoulders, drawing her closer. She nestled to his side. He hardly dared to move, keenly aware of every inch where they touched. He would have wanted to take her into his arms, to kiss her, hold her close, never let go, but he felt shy, afraid that she might think him forward. He inhaled the tart smell of lavender in her hair; he wanted to sink his hand into it, feel its soft springy texture.

”I love your hair,” he murmured.

She raised her face. Her eyes sparkled, and he saw himself reflected in hers. Timidly, he stroked the lock that had escaped her tresses. Embolden by her smile, he let his index slowly slide down her forehead and over her nose. ”I love your face.”

His finger pa.s.sed over her lips. She took a mock bite and stretched her chin, as the index slowly traveled around it and down into the hollow of her throat.

”I love the softness of your skin.”

She smiled again, her eyes half-closed, tilting her chin up languorously. He kissed her soft lips, lingering. She closed her eyes. He kissed them. ”But most of all, I love your eyes. They are so blue. I could look into them for hours.”

She opened them and their foreheads touched, their pupils just inches apart, timid love meeting timid love.

”How long have you loved me, Andrew?”

”I don't know, but you've been on my mind ever since I saw you the first time when you and your mother went to the market in Killin, two years ago already. Every night since then before I go to sleep, I bring up your face in my mind.”

Her gaze turned inside. ”I didn't like the way you looked at me then.”

”I know, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't take my eyes off you.”

”Why did you suddenly leave the dance?”

”Because I didn't want the McNabb brothers and James Campbell to know that I fancied you. They wanted to carry you off, so that I could ravish you.”

”I guessed that.” She nestled back into his embrace, the palm of her hand on his chest, sensing his heart beat.

”Andrew, I'm afraid.”

”Why?”

”Because my father swore that he'll kill you. You didn't believe me.”

Andrew did not answer, but his heart beat more strongly. He continued stroking her hair gently. She searched his eyes. ”Did you?”

”No, I didn't. But I do now. Does your mother know that you see me?”

”I never told her, but she must guess. Where else could I've gotten the sack of oats with a pouch of salt?”

”What did you tell her?”

”That I found it under planks in the goat hut.”

He chuckled. ”And she believed you?”

”She never questioned me. But at that time it didn't really matter where the food came from.” Then she told him what she did with the barley. He kissed her, smiling happily.

”I like your mother. I think she's a remarkable woman, and wish I had a mother like her.

”She doesn't want me to get involved with you. She told me so after the dance.”

”I can understand that. I'm a Campbell, and you're a beautiful MacGregor.”

Helen raised her head again. He kissed her and whispered: ”I want to kiss you all the time... I'm so happy.”

He held her head in his soft palms and stroked her lips with his. Then he pressed his tightly on hers. Her lips parted. He opened his too, and their tongues met briefly. They broke apart, chuckling and blus.h.i.+ng. With a twinkle in her eyes, she said: ”I liked that.” And her lips sought his again.

That evening, she walked home like on a cloud, humming happily. She almost forgot to milk the goats. She hardly touched her food, still satisfied from the salted roe and salmon. When people spoke to her, she often did not hear them. Her mother looked at her thoughtfully. ”Is anything the matter with you, la.s.s? You behave strangely.”

Helen smiled and answered: ”No, mother, everything is fine. I'm just happy. It was such a beautiful day up at the lochan with little white clouds traveling by in the dark blue sky.”

”It's good to see you content in these difficult times.” Then she shook her head a bit. ”But I thought that you had outgrown your mood swings by now, la.s.s.”

Helen blushed deeply. Suddenly, she was very self-conscious under her mother's scrutiny. She went outside and, seeing Betty sitting on the crest behind the hut, she joined her. Betty was reading a book. Helen recognized it as one of her mother's, the English translation of a French novel.

”Where did you get that book from?” she questioned, an edge of hurt surprise in her voice.

”Mother brought it up from the clachan when she went down to check if the barley was sprouting. The men found most of mother's books in a bag under the broken planks of the bedroom cupboard... Isn't it great? They said the soldiers must have forgotten to take them along.”

Helen started saying ”That's not true. It was Andrew who put them there,” but quickly changed it to: ”That's lucky for us. I missed reading.”

She felt hurt that he hadn't said anything to her. I'll have to speak to him about this. There should be no secrets between us anymore, she told herself silently. Don't be silly. He just wanted it to be a surprise for you... I love him so. I want to tell the world.

She wondered whether she could tell Betty. They had become much closer, sharing their thoughts and feelings, although neither had ever been able to talk about that horrible day. It's better if she doesn't know. She might give me away inadvertently. n.o.body must find out yet.