Part 7 (1/2)

He took her hand. She did not withdraw it. ”Come, I brought delicious food for our banquet.”

Smiling bashfully, she followed him, her hand still in his. He set out the food and offered her liver pate in a crust of flaky pastry. She tasted it and nodded approvingly. Both were uncharacteristically quiet while they ate, stealing glances at each other. When their eyes met, they blushed embarra.s.sed.

”Helen,” Andrew began, searching her eyes and then looking away almost bashfully.

”Yes, Andrew?”

”Helen, ... I ... I love you,” he said softly.

”I know, Andrew.”

”You know?”

”Yes, why else would you be so kind to me?”

He blushed deeply. They remained silent for a while, Andrew visibly working up the courage for the next question. Helen knew what he was going to ask, but she didn't know her own answer.

”Helen, do you love me too?” It was out. His eyes were pleading.

”I don't know, Andrew,” she murmured.

He averted his gaze again, fighting his disappointment, trying to smile bravely. She reached out and touched his hand. ”Andrew? ... I honestly don't know. I'm confused. I've never loved a man before. I don't know what it feels... Please, believe me! Let's be friends.”

Their eyes met. She could almost feel the desperate love pouring out of his. The urge to run and flee again rose in her, but she knew that she couldn't do this, that this would hurt him even more.

”Is this the reason why you didn't rape me, but helped me escape?” She had wanted to ask that question for a long time, but never dared.

”I don't think so. I find it abominable if a man forces a woman against her wish.”

Again, she touched his hand briefly. ”I'm glad it was more.”

Emboldened by his open and willing answer, she asked: ”Have you ever been with a woman?” The glimpse of a women slip behind the church where Andrew had gone earlier rose in her mind, and she blushed at her own question.

He looked at her for a while and then replied: ”No.”

His answer surprised her. She had heard all these stories of the young gents in the castle, all of them out to seduce the gullible maids and servants with promises, and then dropping them when they were with child.

He seemed to sense her surprise and added, his voice but a low murmur: ”Maybe it's my own background that has held me back. You must surely know that I'm an illegitimate son.”

Helen nodded, blus.h.i.+ng again.

”Is that the reason why you ...?” His voice trailed into nothing.

”No, Andrew. I honestly don't know,” she murmured.

After a while he continued, not looking at her: ”I know what it means growing up without a mother or father. I had no mother. And my father didn't care for me. I don't wish this on any child.” The tone of voice got ever more bitter as he spoke.

”You don't know who your mother is?”

”No.”

She looked down at her hands, moved by his openness. She hadn't expected it. Neither spoke for a long time, Helen confused, but strangely content and happy, Andrew visibly downcast.

”Andrew?”

He looked at her.

”Andrew, after that day ... father swore that he would kill every one of the men who attacked us. He said he would kill you too, although I told him that you had helped Betty and me to get away. He said you were one of them, that you were as guilty as they.”

Andrew looked down at his hands.

”Four days ago he suddenly came to the lochan. He asked if I had seen somebody. That a man had been seen riding into the mountains. I'm afraid, he suspects something... Maybe you shouldn't come up here anymore.” The last few words were barely a whisper.

He looked up quickly. His hands tightened into hard fists, the white of the knuckles showing. ”Is that what you want?” There was deep resignation in his voice. Their eyes met again. ”I want to see you again, Helen. I need to,” he murmured.

”I would like to see you again too, but I'm afraid, father might harm you.”

”I'll be more careful. Take a different way to get here. Please, Helen!”

His eyes held hers. Try as she did, she couldn't avert her gaze.

”I'll leave the horse hidden somewhere else.”

She nodded and managed to break eye contact. He too went back to study his hands, casting a furtive glance at her, the pressure of words unspoken building up slowly between them. Her urge to flee became overpowering. She rose and said: ”Andrew, I need to go back to check on the goats.”

He got up too. As she began to walk away, he called out: ”Helen, wait, I almost forgot. I brought something for you.”

He rummaged through his bag and offered her a small round object, wrapped in cloth. She opened it, and a smile lit up her face, shattering the tension of awkwardness. ”Oh, you brought me soap! How did you know?”

”You said you had none when we swam,” he murmured, blus.h.i.+ng, visibly pleased by her reaction.

”Thank you, Andrew.” She smelled it. ”It even smells of lavender.”

She started to leave again.

”I'll come down with you. I must go back to work too.”

Ruminating with a heavy heart on Helen's response to his admission of love, Andrew took the usual path down the Achmore Burn along to Loch Tay on his ride home. Helen's warning had slipped his mind, nor had he taken the threat that seriously. He wasn't sure whether Helen had just used this to persuade him not to come and see her again. So he was taken by complete surprise when he found himself surrounded by Dougal MacGregor and two tall lads as he came out of the bushes and trees hugging the bottom of the mountain slope. Rus.h.i.+ng forward with his sword drawn, Dougal shouted: ”Ha, we caught you, you traitor!” while the two lads howled eagerly.

It took but an instant for Andrew to realize that Dougal meant business. He forced his mare to rear, keeping Dougal off-balance for a second, and then turned abruptly, putting the horse into a gallop, aiming directly for the two lads. Caught off-guard by Andrew's swift ploy, both dove to the side just as the horse jumped high past them. In vain, Dougal threw his sword. It missed by a several feet. Within a few seconds, Andrew was out of reach, racing away at full gallop, Dougal's angry expletives following him.

Only when he reached Achmore, did he slow the mare. His heart belatedly began to pound as the shock of the sudden attack fully sank in. Would Dougal really have killed him he wondered? The expression on his face seemed to leave little doubt about his intent. Strangely, he felt no animosity toward the man. He had liked him from their first meeting, and too many horrible things had happened. He understood that in Dougal's eyes one was either with him or against him. There was no in between, and Dougal saw him as having sided with the English, and therefore he became the enemy.

Suddenly he realized that Helen had really been concerned about him. Her warning hadn't been an excuse to keep him away. A warm feeling crept into his heart, calming its pounding to a flutter. Maybe it was true that she didn't know her own feelings yet. A glimmer of hope returned. I'll go back to see her again as soon as I can, he promised himself.