Part 52 (2/2)
”There was something,” she said evasively, ”that I wanted to do very much; something that would have made me--happier. But I couldn't if I kept David; so I gave it up.”
Dr. Lavendar ruminated. ”You wanted David the most?”
”Yes?” she said pa.s.sionately.
”Then it was a choice, not a sacrifice, wasn't it, my dear? No doubt you would make sacrifices for him, only in this matter you chose what you wanted most, And your choice was for your own happiness I take it,--not his?”
She nodded doubtfully, baffled for a minute, and not quite understanding. Then she said, ”But I would choose his happiness; I have done some things for him, truly I have. Oh, little things, I suppose you would call them; but I wasn't used to them and they seemed great to me. But I would choose his happiness, Dr, Lavendar. So you will let me keep him?”
”If you think you ought to have him, you may.”
”No matter what Dr. King says?”
”No matter what Dr, King says. If you are sure that it is best for him to be with you, I, at least, shall not interfere.”
Her relief was so great that the tears ran down her face. ”It is best!”
”Best to be with you,” Dr, Lavendar repeated thoughtfully; ”Why, Mrs.
Richie?”
”Why? Why because I want him so much, I have nothing in the whole world, Dr. Lavendar, but David. Nothing.”
”Other folks might want him.”
”But n.o.body can do as much for him as I can! I have a good deal of money.”
”You mean you can feed him, and clothe him, and educate him? Well; I could do that myself. What else can you do?”
”What else?”
”Yes. One person can give him material care about as well as another.
What else can you do?”
”Why--” she began, helplessly; ”I don't think I know just what you mean?”
”My friend,” said Dr. Lavendar, ”are you a good woman?”
The shock of the question left her speechless. She tried to meet his eye; quailed, half rose: ”I don't know what you mean! What right have you to ask me such a question--”
Dr, Lavendar waited.
”Perhaps I don't think about things, quite as you do. I am not religious; I told you that. I don't do things because of religion; I believe in--in reason, not in religion. I try to be good in--my way. I don't know that I've been what you would call 'good.'”
”What do I call 'good'?”
At which she burst out that people in Old Chester thought that people who did not live according to convention were not good. For her part, convention was the last thing she thought of. Indeed, she believed there was more wickedness in convention than out of it! ”If I have done anything you would call wrong, it was because I couldn't help it; I never wanted to do wrong. I just wanted to be happy. I've tried to be charitable. And I've tried to be good--in my way; but not because I wanted to go to heaven, and all that. I--I don't believe in heaven,”
she ended with terrified flippancy.
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