41 Distraction (2/2)

Does it really matter how you got this?

So before typing in/ writing/ enchanting you into reading about my very last day in my first cycle, I thought it was important to orient you into what is really happening behind the scenes.

I've been thinking/hoping lately. And by lately I mean the time it took you to read this.

I hope that you find meaning in your life, even in the most ordinary things. I hope you love yourself enough to stand up for it and walk away from anything that could bring you down.

I hope you would learn from your mistakes/ disappointments/ heartbreaks and not kill yourself because of them.

I hope you everything I couldn't have. Life is already short and I should've realized this earlier. I should've also realized that while I couldn't solve my problems alive, I should've helped people solve theirs.

I should've realized that there's salvation in helping others control their problems.

Maybe this all doesn't make sense- I wasn't known to make sense alive or dead. But listen, this universe wants you alive. It wants your heart to beat. And you just have to look for the littlest of signs and the smallest of smiles.

You being you for you is the greatest gift you can grant yourself. It was a gift I never allowed myself to have.

This might sound like sappy bullshit, and well, it is. It is bullshit that is important. It is important bullshit. So please, go easy on your soul.

Go easy, go soft. Take your bad days, one at a time. Sleep through them if you must. Do whatever it takes, whatever it takes, to stay alive. Your heart is beating/rooting for you. Your every cell thanks you for being alive every day. They keep pushing and pushing through. So push through, love.

If I could, I'd mend every broken heart with my hands of dust and whisper in everyone's ears words I wanted to hear when I was alive. I should've realized that I should've been my own ghost. I should've been the one telling me all those things to get me through it all.

There's a tonne of broken hearts everywhere. Australian, Spanish, Egyptian and Pakistanian hearts are breaking left and right. Even penguins get heartbroken. You're not special in your pain and thank God you're not. You're fighting a fight of billions. You aren't an ordinary thing. You are extraordinary on a cell level.

And if that isn't enough, I don't know what is.

And before someone can find you important in their lives, remember, that someone has to be you first. So live. Live as long as your lungs can heave in all that air. Live and have counted countless sunsets.

It's never too late to start somewhere.

Okay, now, let me tell you how it was like to finally part with Tobias and Benji.