32 15.1: Deadass Secrets (1/2)
′it's strange. i felt less lonely when i didn't know you.′
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Standing in front of the Eiffel tower is something I definitely didn't see coming.
It's late in the evening and my lips are parted in immense fascination at how bright the tower is and how there aren't many people marvelling at it like I am.
It's quite breathtaking. I almost forget I'm dead.
I turn around and study the trees that guarded the place beautifully and it makes me think, I know no-one in France. I mean, my broke-ass relatives and boring-ass friends never got (and probably never will) the privilege of being here.
And it's always been a dream of mine to visit Paris.
I snap my head to my side to find Tobias staring at a bench occupied by a lady in her late fifties, sitting cross-legged and staring at the full moon.
He's standing straight, his bun lying too low to be useful and his face slightly flushed (which is weird because I thought we're dried clean of our blood. But maybe our biology still works and it's us who can't feel it).
Benji runs in circles around my feet and I pick him in my arms before walking to Tobias curiously. This is, after all, his dimension.
”Who's she?” I ask and he startles slightly before turning his head to study my face.
”Rita.”
”Rita?” I repeat with a raised brow. ”Girlfriend?”
”No,” he says softly, stares at her. She's a petite blonde woman, in a full-sleeved maxi dress and a cup of coffee as her company. ”I've never had a girlfriend.”
”Then?”
”Rita was my English teacher,” Tobias says promptly.
I lift my brows. ”Wow, she still loves you if you're still getting to see her.”
Tobias smiles faintly and I tsk.
”So, why has she summoned us?” I try to joke but it falls flat as Tobias sighs.
”I was like her son. She loved my work, my writing, and encouraged me to always, you know-” He tilts his head to me. ”Make the best out of everything-” He shrugs. ”And the best I make is kill myself. Imagine the disappointment-”
I purse my lips and nod. ”Ouch.”
”Ouch her or ouch me?”
”Her.”
Tobias lifts his brows subtly in response before staring at his mentor longingly and sitting next to her.
I smile. ”Ouch, both of you. I'm sorry.”
Tobias looks up at me with a small smile and shakes his head. ”It's been years. It's more than okay.”
”So why are we here if 'it's okay'?” I ask him softly and he glances at Benji who's licking my face.
”I don't know,” he trails off as Rita reaches for her ringing phone. Tobias and I glance at each other before she answers.
”Gloria,” she says, her voice touched by the years of wear and tear of teaching and ageing. ”Honey, where are you?” She then starts looking over her shoulder and around the place before her eyes stop at something and she smiles.
”Found you,” she says on the phone, hangs up and gets to her feet on her thick, short heels to wave at somebody.
I turn around and find a girl, around my age, walking to Rita with a grin. They hug each other and exchange greetings as Tobias looks at me helplessly.
”She might be her grandma,” I suggest and he stands next to me as Gloria takes his place.
”No,” he says. ”Rita can't have kids. It's all she talked about and why she loves teaching. She said we were her children.”
”Oh.”
Tobias eyes Gloria in her black pants, mint green sweater and braided, blonde hair. ”I might know who she is,” he then tells me quietly and gulps.
”Who?”
Tobias shakes his head and diverts his attention to them.
”So,” Rita starts warmly, placing a hand on Gloria's. ”What have you written for me today?”
Gloria grins brightly and reaches for her sweater's pocket to retrieve a folded paper. ”I've written something about hatred.”
”Hatred?” Rita looks surprised but has a genuine smile on her face. ”That's bold.”
”She's her favourite student,” Tobias whispers and I lift my brows.
”How did you know?” I ask, peeking into her messy handwriting.
Tobias shifts a little, shrugging it off. ”Because I was once her Gloria.”
”You lived in France?” is what I care to ask and Tobias blinks at me. ”I mean, oh shit?”
Tobias expressionless face eases into a smile and I try not to hide into my non-existent shadow (which makes me wonder if we are the shadows. If we're that dead).
”I didn't live in France. Rita moved here a year after my death. My parents had her fired because when they couldn't find anyone to blame for their mistake-” He vaguely points at Rita. ”She took the blame.”
I look at him in shock. ”But why?” I say, knowing very well that my parents didn't even bother to know my reasons. They didn't even bother to blame anything for it.
My parents found it easier to ignore the brutality of my death.
”They said she was the one who planted the idea in my head,” he whispers as a breeze tousled his hair.
”To kill yourself?”
He turns to me, locks my eyes. ”To love something so much and let it kill me.”
”She taught you that?” I ask his soft hazels and he smiles wistfully.
”Yes,” he says. ”But she didn't mean it. She was very passionate.”
Curious about her, I ask, ”How did she take it?”
Tobias turns to Rita who's listening to Gloria's writing with closed eyes and a small smile. ”She didn't take it well. She got depressed. Stopped teaching for years. I remember finding myself in her dimension a lot. To just see how much I've let her down.”
”How is it that she got so attached to you?” I ask, resting a hand on his arm.
”We always underestimate a mentor and student relationship. I loved- I love her so much. It's a whole other kind of love. She made me feel like I was her blood. Like she'd do anything for me,” he tells me with irises flooded with a thousand memories. ”I was her hope and she was my best mother and mentor.”
”Her favourite student.”
Tobias nods with teary eyes. ”We used to always hang out like that. I'd read her a piece I just wrote and she'd be so proud. My leaving meant hers too. It turned out that I've underestimated the impact that'd have on her.”
I pout sadly. ”I'm sorry.”
He shakes his head, smiles. ”Nah. It's just nice to see her carry on the legacy with someone else. After so long. It kind of relieves me that I'm not what's stopping her anymore.”
”Move on.”