29 12.3: Greyscale (1/2)

`everything happens for a reason .or. everything happens, and reasons are then created`

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”You'd like to give us something?” Aiden repeats as Jacob stands by idly, watching the situation.

”Who's William?” is what Tobias asks for the twentieth time.

William who's standing all tall and mighty, wipes away his glistening forehead, shifts a lot in his place, gulps once, twice, then finally speaks.

”I would like to apologize if I have interrupted something-” He says, trying a small smile and failing as his eyes assess the place. ”I- forgive me- you probably know nothing about me and it's understandable.”

Jacob steps closer to him and crosses his arms across his bare chest as his golden hair gets tousled by a light breeze. ”How can we help you?”

William swallows hard again and I know that his anxiety is allowing him to only breathe burrowed oxygen. His left-hand reaches his back pocket to just touch his inhaler before dropping it by his side again.

”I wasn't close to her-” William says slowly. ”But I really ... appreciated her-” He shakes his head once. ”I loved her-” He tells them in a weak voice, looking down. ”And I'm barely functioning even though we might have never talked-” William turns red. ”We never... talked.”

Tobias steps closer to me.

Jacob drops his arms by his sides as Aiden steps to stand right next to him, urging William to continue.

”It's nothing serious-” He says and it might seem that he's telling that to himself more than anyone else. ”It's just that I can't imagine what your lives might be like right now-”

Jacob smirks. Tobias snorts.

”We get by-” Aiden says.

”Yes-” William takes a small step back and clears his throat. ”I was just telling Mom...about it. I've been lying to her for almost three weeks. I knew my much more frequent asthma attacks were gonna give me away one day-”

”I'm sorry-” Jacob and I say simultaneously.

William waves it off. ”It's nothing-” He says slowly. ”Mom wants me to move on, that's all. So she suggested coming here-” He looks around again. ”She said I should give away the things that reminded me of her to try comforting you a little-” He waves a hand in my brothers' direction. ”She said that that'll make me feel better. That I might be doing something she'd want. You know, since Roseline doesn't know me and stuff.”

Jacob steps even closer. ”What do you have off of her?”

William immediately reaches for his backpack, exposing his sweat-drenched back. ”Nothing much-” He says hastily, shyly. ”We had our art class together. She wouldn't do much but talk, smile... just be herself with other people as I'd draw some moments of those. And sometimes I'd even...I'd even compare her to significant historical characters because I-uh- love history and stuff-” He zips open his bag with shaky hands. ”It's nothing much-” He rambles on, accidentally dropping his bag.

William shoots my brothers a nervous glance before picking his bag and pulling out a bulging leather notebook with papers escaping from its insides. And I can tell that that boy has been through so much. He's been bullied to no extent.

The slightest shifts in the air, the slightest sighs scare him.

”I've had it for a year or two, so it has seen better days-” William says as he closes the now empty bag and pulls it over both his shoulders. William then looks down at the notebook and lets his long fingers touch it thoroughly.

”Why would you give us such a thing?” Jacob asks him too bluntly, probably not meaning it. ”Won't you need it? Isn't it personal?”

William shifts more, breathes out shakily. ”It's nothing personal, really. It's all about her. Nothing about my-my feelings-”

”This whole notebook stinks of his love and feelings-” Tobias drawls, eyeing Willaim. ”I mean, if I wanted to move on, I'd burn the thing. Not hand it over like it means anything-”

I look over at him with a frown. ”It means everything, of course-”

Tobias nods, tilts his head, decides to say something only to decide against it.

”What he meant is, when you miss her, what are you gonna do?” Aiden asks instead and Tobias groans.

William slowly smiles, blinks heavenward. ”I mean, a lot-” He shrugs, sniffs. ”A lot of things remind me of her-” He looks at my brothers, eyes welling up. ”But isn't this the whole point? Getting used to missing her until it just hopefully stops?”

”Oh boy-” Tobias breathes out dramatically and I shake my head.

My brothers share a glance and then Jacob shrugs. ”Okay-” He says. ”Thank you for thinking of us and for troubling yourself with all of this-”

William shrugs a shoulder noncommittally. ”I'm doing it for myself before it being for her. I need to get on with my life. And so do you-” He says. ”And I hope this might help even if by a little.”

Jacob takes the book from William, his eyes hungry for its contents.

”Thank you-” Aiden responds as Jacob flips open the first page and glances at William.

”Yes, truly-” Jacob adds. ”It's really thoughtful.”

William nods, rubs the back of his head awkwardly and takes a few steps back. ”It was nice talking to you-” He says, his eyes landing all over the place as he tries his best not to tear up more. ”And I'm sorry for your loss-”

”Thanks for stopping by-” Aiden says again, exhaling heavily.

William smiles and raises his hand to salute them off before sharply turning on his heels and quickly stalking off down the street with dropped shoulders.

I stare at his back, my lips parted and my mind swirling with one question. Would I be alive had I let him love me? Could it have mattered?

The sound of someone clapping pulls me out of my pointless reverie. Tobias.