26 11.3: Parallel Universe (2/2)

I sniff and clear my throat. ”It pretty much is the end, huh?” I remark with a deep breath. ”I mean the month's almost over-”

Tobias looks down at our hands, intertwines our fingers, closes his eyes and says nothing.

”Well, I was getting bored of the pain. I might appreciate a stretch of nothingness-” I say, trying to sound light-hearted, but I don't think it's working.

”Well, you won't really feel it-” Tobias says. ”It's just like a blink of the eye. Your peace is never lasting.”

”Thank you for your prep talk-” I say no longer surprised.

”I mean you were going to know that anyway-” Tobias points out.

”I mean, it does make sense that we won't even be given the mercy of sleep-” I say, glancing at Benji who's running around his tail. ”It's okay-”

”So-” Tobias sniffs and tries a smile. And yes, he manages to hold it. ”How has it been since my... absence?”

”Cherry marmalade-” I say with a small, sad smile.

”Oh, it has been 'shitty', like you'd say-”

”Yes, shitty. Shitty like I'd say-” I repeat, looking at his red face with a heart twinge. ”Joshua plays it too. And apparently Sierra needs her BlackBerry or she dies or some shit of that matter. And my brother is a heavy, heavy smoker. And I've been 'oh, Rosey, don't it break your heart that you can't even save him?', inside my head.'” I sigh. ”This is the conclusion of my days without you-”

Tobias looks away and shakes his head. ”I just don't understand it-” He says. Looks back at me, locks my eyes. ”How can anybody bear breaking your heart?”

I blink at him and his scattered, underrated freckles and remember to breathe.

”Maybe I deserved it-” I say ever so quietly.

”No, no-” He says, shaking his head. ”No body deserves this.” Tobias looks away, tips his head upward. ”But that's the thing, isn't it?” He glances down at me. ”Heartbreak. The reason behind all mighty chaos.”

”Heartbreak-” I mouthe the word and Tobias runs a hand through his hair.

”I mean, heartbreak is essentially the breaking point with no return. I suppose the worst of criminals' must've had their hearts broken so bad that they decided to rebel-” He says. ”You and I and a hundred thousand more got our hearts broken and just snapped.” He then lifts his index finger and smiles grimly. ”I suppose the cure to all that, is learning how to protect your heart.” He drops his finger, drops his smile.

”So, yes, Roseline-” He continues. ”-you do not deserve that pain and God knows, if I had lived and met you, even as a fatherly figure, before you offed yourself, I would've tried to make you see your worth.”

”A fatherly figure-” I repeat and laugh quietly at the thought.

”Well, I couldn't have been a lover-” He points out and I lift my eyebrows as a smile blossoms from my lips. ”I've been keeping up with the laws. I suppose that would've made me what you'd call a pedophile-” He looks at me as if I had just attacked him. ”I'm not a pedophile, Roseline.”

I look at his silly face expression and find it really difficult to stop smiling. I shake my head.

”I wish you could've been there-” I say. ”As a lover. Because surely I wouldn't have felt as lonely-”

”I would've made you feel loved-” He says. ”We could've saved each other-”

I look at his face, my heart breaking. ”You think?”

”I know-”

”Well, maybe that's a thing too, you know-” I say softly. ”Maybe many people died because their lovers were in a different generation than theirs. Maybe those people-” I say. ”-were destined to have loneliness cripple them. We were just...lonely.”

”Lonely, hmm-” He says. ”I don't know if I'd use this word.”

I look at him, almost rolling my eyes. ”What word would you rather use? You, the master of poetry and words?”

”I'd go for unloved-”

I make a face. ”That was what I literally said.”

”You said lonely.”

”Well, people feel lonely not because people don't love them. No-” I say. ”People do love them. Their parents love them- dammit, they'd die for them. Their siblings-” I say. ”-love them. But just not enough. Lonely is not getting the love-”

”The love your soul aches for-” He finishes my sentence with glowing eyes as he nods vigorously. ”That's bloody brilliant! I love it when you talk Shakespeare to me.”

I chuckle lightly, rolling my eyes. ”I'm full of surprises.”

Tobias' eyes linger on me and I try not to look away. His grin softens to a small smile and then dissolves into a gentle sigh.

”I might've just fallen in love with a corpse-” He says, his eyes windows opening up slowly but surely. ”And I don't seem to mind it-”

I make a face, snort out a laugh, brushing it off. But the last things I saw were the sincerity of his eyes and how tight his hand was holding mine before darkness breathes us in.

And maybe that's what it feels like to die all over again.