27 12.1: Psychics and Psychos (1/2)

'someone has to have blood on their hands, someone has to clean up the blood and someone must bleed'

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I open my eyes, bringing my hands to my belly as the tug behind my navel lightens. I swallow hard, noticing that I'm not in the Darkoom, but in a place I very well recognize.

I quickly turn my head, panicking at Tobias' absence and thinking that maybe the month's over and I won't see him again. But then I remember Tobias telling me that I won't even remember him, but I still do and I'm just really, really all over the place-

”Hey-” I feel a tug behind me and turn in an instant, hand on my chest.

Tobias is looking at me with a small smile framing his pink lips, his eyes narrowed over my face expression, with Benji surprisingly panting out beside him (I thought we left him behind).

”You alright?”

I exhale loudly in relief and try exercising my smiling muscles. And fail.

”I am-” I say, my eyes lingering over his figure as if that would somehow make it possible to memorize his every feature. His every freckle and hair strand that's almost always out of place. And it really does hit me that I'll be finding myself doing this quite often.

Engraving him in my mind, that is.

I bite my tongue to look away and back to the scene I was transferred to. There are lots of trees beside me, lots of dead leaves beneath me, a large expanse of a pale blue sky with cotton candy bites scattered across it above me and two people dead to me in front of me.

Sierra and Joshua. Of course.

My chest automatically tightens, and I imagine it's because seeing them waters thorny vines that wrap and wrap themselves around my trachea and gut. And it really leaves me wondering if the dead can puke out dust and mould because this is exactly how it feels like to see them.

It feels like a slap back to reality. It feels like fingers snapping in front of your face to uproot you from an almost sweet daydream back to your problems.

Joshua is standing, paint-blotched hands on hips, his black plants hanging low on his waist and his grey hood covering his hair. His brows are furrowed as he studies Sierra who's dressed in total lack of colour (maybe that applies to everything about her. Her heart, blood and emotions)- all black and rot, and who's studying her surroundings. Who's studying the place I watched her fake her grief for me. The place where she 'lost' her phone.

”I still have her phone, you know that right?” Tobias whispers from behind me, bringing her phone to my face. ”I mean, I don't even know what we're supposed to do with-”

”We literally scouted this area for the hundredth time today-” Joshua suddenly blathers, dropping his hands to his sides, taking the both us by surprise.

Sierra has knelt down and is using her hands to remove the layers and layers of fallen leaves and animal droppings. ”Well, you said you'd help-” She says, not stopping her search.

Joshua quickly licks his lower lip and exhales irritably. ”Well, there will come the time when you have to give up and accept the fact that you've lost your damn phone!”

Sierra pauses for a moment to glare at Joshua. ”Easy for you to say-” She sneers. ”It ain't your fucking head over the line-”

”Her head's over the line?” A pause. ”That could be the best thing I've heard ever since I shook hands with death-” Tobias then whispers behind me and I sigh.

”Yes, if it's a rule that shouldn't be broken-” I say.

”A rule? A rule in Devilsplay? There are rules in a game as wretched as this?” He asks and I nod silently as I watch Sierra and Joshua have a quiet, heated conversation.

”Rules, if broken, will get you killed-” I say.

”And losing her phone will kill her?”

”Well, if it had been this one rule. The 'F-rule', is what they call it-” I say. ”-she would've been dead by now.”

Tobias makes a face before smirking and lifting Sierra's BlackBerry. He's about to say something when Sierra yells out.

”I'm dead fucking meat-” is what she says as she throws her arms in the air and runs her fingers in her dark, straight hair.

Joshua watches her break down and does nothing. She slides down the closest tree bark to her and holds her head in her hands as she brings her knees to her chest.

”You don't care-” is what she accuses Joshua of. ”You don't know how it feels like to be in my position-”

”That's right. I do not care-” Joshua says noncommittally and Tobias winces. ”And I won't be put in a 'situation' like yours-”

Sierra says nothing in response but makes it a point to venomously stare at him. ”You're one sad fuck-” She then tells him. ”You don't even know what you want from the world.”

Joshua looks at her like she just slapped him in the face. And I seriously, seriously have no clue as to what's happening. I cannot comprehend their actions. I don't know them.

”And you do, yeah?” Joshua asks, pointing his index finger at her. ”You got it all figured out, yeah? You really think that money is a purpose to live for? You think it's a- it's a way of life? A-An excuse to fuck people up for?”

Sierra narrows her eyes at him. ”You are no different-” She snaps. ”You play for the money-”

Joshua turns all red with rage. ”You think I ever wanted to play this fucking game?” He's barely holding back his voice from breaking into a roar. ”You really think I fucking enjoy it? I had to-” He shouts. ”I have to play it. I have to and I hate it. I hate it and I regret it and I wish I could've found other ways to fucking solve my problems-”

”Problems?” Sierra snorts. ”What problem could 'Mr-Popular-Slash-Got-It-All-Together' have?” She grimaces. ”You're just one good liar. Tricking all people into believing someone you're not.”

”Fuck you, Sierra-” Joshua rips off the hood off his head, exposing his honey hair waves to the world. ”I don't have to prove my worth to someone like you. Someone who kills her own best friend. My love-”

His words are like a knife jagged in my heart, reviving all my pain.

”I'm sorry-” Tobias is whispering behind me as if he feels my pain, but I'm too caught up in analyzing Sierra's smirk, I have nothing to say.

”Love, huh? You played dirty-” Sierra tells him like she knows bad, bad things about him. ”You were one of the reasons why she might've chosen to off herself.”

”You're one sick bitch-” Joshua shakes, his voice a controlled level of angry.

”And I aim to act up to it-” Sierra smiles wickedly and slowly gets to her feet. ”I'm gonna fuck you up-” She hisses, approaching Joshua. ”You watch. Just like you've commented my name, I can do much worse, just so that I will invoke the monster you keep hidden...here-” She pokes his chest with her index finger that Joshua quickly holds. ”It'll be one big fiesta when people get to know the real you-”

”You do not know the real me-” Joshua says calmly, removing her finger. ”You never will. And I'm not scared of you. I mean, you can't even find your fucking phone-”

”You see, it's only a matter of time before I find it-” She whispers. ”And when I do, you should be fucking careful.”

Joshua shakes his head, looking slightly mortified. ”You're fucking crazy.”

”Give me her phone-” I say quickly and Tobias gives me a questioning look before reluctantly handing it out to me.

”What are you going to do?” Tobias asks and I smirk.

”I'm going to give him one privilege over her.”