Part 14 (2/2)

Silence. Her fingers tapped out a rhythm on her knees. This was no time to be remembering Ryan. Her future with Tim would never happen if she didn't start thinking about it soon.

A plan. That's what she needed. The shock of Tim's affair had left her emotionally frozen, but now it was time to act. She was angry, yes, and betrayed. But she was willing to fight for her marriage, willing to do whatever was necessary to get him back.

She put together a mental to-do list. She'd forgotten to find Pastor Mark and make an appointment; first thing tomorrow she'd call and do that. Then she'd call Tim. There was no point waiting for him to make a move toward reconciliation. No, she needed to talk to him, and soon. In fact, she needed to see him. Maybe she'd drive to his office tomorrow and reiterate that she wanted to work things out.

The plan began to take shape in her mind, and she felt herself relax. Tim still loved her; he had to. He wouldn't tell her no, especially if ...

She crossed over to her suitcase and pulled out the pregnancy test she had bought the day before. Resettling on the bed, she reread the directions; maybe she could go ahead and do the test now instead of waiting for morning. She needed to know, needed to move out of her denial. If she was pregnant, she would be into her second month, and that meant she'd be showing soon.

Kari ran over the dates in her mind as she'd done many times since Tim left. She saw no way around it. If it did turn out she was pregnant, she would have conceived sometime in August, and that meant .. .

That meant Tim had slept with her when he was already in love with another woman. The timing made her feel dirty and used. Most of the time she tried to convince herself it wasn't possible. That she had certainly not gotten pregnant in a moment that was nothing more than physical release for Tim. At a time when he no longer loved her.

She crooked her arm so that it covered her eyes. And as she lay 116 there, the image of her and Ryan in the prayer room returned. What a welcome distraction it had been to see him again, to hug him. To remember again the way he'd graced her teenage years.

Years of thoughts and memories drifted in, and though she knew she should, Kari couldn't summon the energy to handcuff them. Instead, she let them gather around the table of her mind, sipping c.o.kes and enjoying themselves.

The years had definitely dulled the pain of that harsh November day, the day of Ryan's injury. The day she knew for certain that she and Ryan had no future together.

Was the medicine of time always that effective? Did it so easily soften the blows of yesterday, so strongly magnify the joys? Her thoughts of Ryan were growing in number, throwing a fullblown party at the table now, but Kari didn't mind. She wanted them to be there, wanted to walk back through the years with them, swept up in the currents of yesterday's river, back to a barbecue the summer she was twelve years old.

The first time she had ever laid eyes on Ryan Taylor. Warren B. Taylor had served on the administration staff at Bloomington's St. Anne's Hospital the year Kari's father began an interns.h.i.+p there. The men were both in their mid-twenties and quickly became friends.

Kari knew from her father's stories that busy schedules caused the two to drift apart for a while. But the summer Kari turned twelve, the Baxters moved into a five-bedroom colonial in Clear Creek, just three doors down from the Taylors.

And that evening, Mr. Taylor invited their family over for a barbecue.

Kari was unpacking boxes in her new bedroom when her father poked his head in and grinned. ”Take a break. We're going down the street for dinner.”

She knew better than to complain, but at twelve years old she was more interested in getting her bedroom together than stopping progress for a social event. ”Can I stay? I'm almost done.”

”Mr. Taylor's a friend of mine.” The look her father gave her 117 conveyed his answer more clearly than any words. ”I want us all there.”

Dressed in white jean cutoffs and a dusty blue T-s.h.i.+rt and determined to get home as soon as possible, Kari led the way as her parents and four siblings headed down the street. A half hour later they were sipping iced tea on the Taylors' back porch when a dark-haired, s.h.i.+rtless boy breezed into the yard.

Kari set down her gla.s.s and studied him discreetly. He was tall and lean, with a V-shaped back and a football under his arm.

”Hey, Dad, I'm home. I'll be out front.”

Mr. Taylor was flipping burgers. He shut the lid of the grill and looked pointedly at the family of seven seated around the picnic table, then back at his son. ”We have guests.”

”Oh, sorry.” The boy raised a hand in the direction of the seven of them and did a double take as he caught sight of Kari. Their eyes met for a moment, and Kari remembered the way her stomach fluttered under his gaze. ”Hi.” His tone was friendly and curious, his greeting directed at her alone.

Mr. Taylor cleared his throat, and Ryan blinked, the spell broken as he looked back at his father.

”We're eating in five minutes. Go wash up.”

”Yes, sir.” Ryan nodded, but before he darted back in the house, he cast one last look at Kari. The moment he was inside, Kari noticed something she hadn't before.

Her heart was gone.

Ryan sat across from her during dinner that night. Since Kari's family had moved from Bloomington, she'd be attending a new middle school. Ryan tried to fill her in on everything she should expect.

”I can't believe you're only in seventh.” Ryan's short, dark bangs hung in damp clumps off to the side of his face, and he was deeply tanned.

Kari could feel her face grow hot. ”I look older.” ”How old are you, anyway?”

118 Kari nodded her chin toward the football. ”You play?” ”More than I breathe.”

He grinned and pushed his plate back. ”Want to go out front?”

She nodded and left most of her dinner untouched. They played outside, laughing and teasing and tossing the ball until the summer sun set and lightning bugs began flas.h.i.+ng at the base of the trees.

It was then that Kari realized she could not possibly be the only girl in Clear Creek, Indiana, dazzled by Ryan Taylor. He was two years older, about to start high school, and she was just starting middle school. But she lived three doors down, and that had to count for something.

Fall came that year, and Kari saw far less of Ryan than she'd originally planned.. She was involved with Clear Creek Community Church's youth group and taking tennis lessons at the country club; Ryan was busy playing whatever sport was in season. But come June they seemed to drift together naturally, playing kickball with the neighbor kids, fis.h.i.+ng at Lake Monroe, counting stars and talking out in the yard on summer nights. Fall came again too quickly, and later that year Ryan's parents bought him a s.h.i.+ny dark-blue Chevy truck for his sixteenth birthday. After that he was almost never home, and though she thought of him often, Kari saw him only in pa.s.sing.

But all that changed Kari's first day of high school. She was a freshman at Clear Creek High School that year and had made the cheerleading squad. Practice was under way outside the gym that afternoon when Ryan and a handful of his teammates walked past and headed for the drinking fountain. He was well over six feet tall and by far the best-looking boy at school.

Ryan caught her eye and held it as he made his way across the quad. ”You're finally here.”

She smiled in a way that wasn't overly eager. ”Yep.” No matter 118 119 what she thought of Ryan Taylor, she wasn't going to become one of his groupies, following him around school, giggling and hoping he'd notice her. Not with Ryan's varsity football player friends standing there.

The football players had finished their drinks and headed back to the field when Kari saw one of the guys whisper something to Ryan. She turned around and began one of the warmup stretches, reaching an arm over her head. Mandy Morken, Kari's best friend from middle school, had made the squad too, and as the boys filed by, she elbowed Kari and leaned close. ”He likes you.”

”What?” Kari switched her stretch and leaned in the other direction. ”Who likes me?”

Mandy released an exaggerated huff. ”Ryan Taylor's friend. The blond guy.”

Kari could remember the way her heart sank. Mandy turned out to be right, and that weekend after the football game, Ryan introduced his friend to her. His name was josh, and he was nice-looking in a plain sort of way. The three of them made small talk for a few minutes, and then josh joined the rest of the team.

Ryan hung back and anch.o.r.ed himself a few feet from Kari, a lazy grin making its way across his face.

”All the guys are talking about you.”

Kari was grateful the stadium lights had been dimmed. The last thing she wanted was for Ryan Taylor to see her blush. ”Yeah?” She jutted her chin out and tossed her dark ponytail.

His expression changed, and he suddenly looked more like 6 the boy he'd been two years earlier. ”You still know how to toss a football?”

She giggled and felt her facade melt. ”Maybe.”

He picked up her bag, and they walked to the team bus together. Cheerleaders rode back to school with the players after away games, and this was the first of the season. Ryan kicked at her tennis shoe as they walked. ”So, you like him?”

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