Part 13 (1/2)

Is that it, Lord? You'll bring beauty from the ashes of our love? Restore the crumbling foundations?

My grace is sufficient.

Her heart filled with a deep grat.i.tude and peace, the kind she hadn't felt since before Tim's announcement.

Cole's cla.s.s was filling up, and Noreen tapped her foot. ”If you can't answer me I understand.” The tapping stopped. ”I'm here for you, Kari. Call me, okay? I'm listed.”

Kari gave a quick shake of her head as if she'd suddenly realized she hadn't answered Noreen's question. ”I'm sorry. It's a long story.”

Noreen leaned close one last time. ”So ... are you ... you know, does he want a divorce?”

Kari forced a smile. ”He doesn't know what he wants.” She remembered the Lord's persistent whisperings from a moment ago. ”But G.o.d's in control of our marriage.

I really believe everything will be fine.”

There seemed to be nothing left for Noreen to ask, and she shrugged. ”I'll pray for you.” She paused and looked more serious than before. ”I don't know your situation, but I can tell you this. Whatever your trouble, you're doing the right thing. G.o.d can clean up even the worst problems, you know? Your marriage could be better than you ever dreamed, better than before this happened.” She squeezed Kari's hand. ”Don't give up, Kari. Please.”

Kari wasn't sure what to say. Ever since Tim left she'd been longing to hear those exact words. You're doing the right thing.

99 G.o.d can clean up even the worst problems ... don't give up. Funny that now they would come from this annoying woman, this long-ago friend who didn't have a clue about Kari or Tim or their marriage.

Kari's heart softened in grat.i.tude. ”Thanks.”

Kari glanced at her watch as she headed for the sanctuary. The last thing she wanted was to walk in late after missing so many weeks.

She spotted her father and headed toward him, trying to ward off the sadness welling within her. She had planned on feeling hopeful at this point, surrounded by church family, about to hear Pastor Mark's message-especially after Noreen's encouragement.

But as she took her seat beside her father, she could think of only one thing.

Somewhere across town in an off-campus apartment bedroom, her husband would be waking up in the arms of another woman.

100 100.

101.

Ryan Taylor slipped into the back row of the sanctuary five minutes before the service began and wondered if this would be the day. There was no denying he'd attended this service in hopes of seeing Kari. He'd done little more than think of her since talking with Ashley.

He searched the congregation, knowing he'd recognize the back of her head even in a sea of people. Poor Kari. She must be devastated. Maybe too devastated to make a public appearance at church. He scanned the pews. Lord ... where is she?

His father's favorite verse flashed across his mind: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Ryan blinked.

The fear of the Lord?

How long had it been since that verse had come to mind? Ryan's gut tightened, and he absently rubbed the back of his neck, the place where football had nearly cost him his life. He knew exactly how long it had been. In November it would be eight years. Eight years since he lay motionless strapped to a hospital bed, 101 102 fearing he'd never find a way out. Fearing G.o.d in a way he'd never done before.

Back then he barely breathed without praying, begging G.o.d for mercy and healing.

But over the years, after the scars from his injury faded, life found a way of gaining ground on his best intentions, taking up more and more time and leaving fewer hours for spending time with G.o.d.

It was simple, really. The urgency was gone.

Ryan let his gaze fall to his hands, and he felt a mantle of conviction settle across his shoulders. Why was the realization hitting him so hard here and now?

Had G.o.d chosen this moment to call him on the months and years of gradual decline, the complacency that resulted in ... well, in the type of spotty church attendance and communication with G.o.d he'd been guilty of since he'd returned to football a year after his injury? Sure, he attended a night service now and then, but his faithdriven pa.s.sion was limping badly.

He felt a sting in his soul, as if the Lord himself were poking needles at his conscience. He winced as he realized the truth. Even today he was there only because of Kari. Thoughts of her, memories of her had consumed him since the moment Ashley had spoken her name.

Kari ... his precious Kari girl. His mind began to drift again, lazily taking him down dusty lakeside paths to a time when a brown-eyed beauty with laughter like wind chimes was his best friend and constant companion, down the trail of years to a place where ...

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Ryan sat up straighter in his seat, jolted from the memories that distracted him. I'm sorry, Lord ... I'm trying.

Huge, holy eyes seemed focused directly on him, penetrating his mind and soul, seeing his thoughts and motives and intentions. His very heart.

He opened his bulletin and looked at the sermon t.i.tle on the top left page. As he read the words, he could feel the blood leaving 103 his face, the slight trembling in his fingers. Whatever was happening, G.o.d had him here for a reason-and somehow Ryan doubted it had anything to do with Kari.

The sermon t.i.tle was ”The Fear of the Lord Is the Beginning.” Ryan closed his eyes and began to pray.

As soon as Kari took her seat, her father leaned over and put his hand gently on her knee.

”You made it.”

She smiled. ”Barely.” A weariness settled over her. It had been harder than she thought, telling Noreen why she was alone, admitting out loud that she and Tim were having problems. She slid down in her seat and leaned on her father, trying to soak in some of his strength and stability.

The wors.h.i.+p music began, but Kari couldn't bring herself to sing along. Instead, she stared at the song sheet and let her mind wander. When exactly was the first time Tim had cheated on her? Was he such a good pretender that she hadn't even noticed? Or had she suspected even last spring that things weren't what they'd once been? that something was wrong?

I didn't want to see it....

Kari blinked, and two tears fell to the paper in her hands. The music stopped, and she looked up as two dozen children filed across the steps of the stage.

They wriggled and giggled and squirmed about until an older woman got their attention.

Noreen's daughter was probably up there, and as Kari scanned the group, she saw the children of several old friends. Her hand moved firmly over her lower abdomen. What about me, Lord? Am I really pregnant? Will I have to raise a child alone?

The music started, and the children began to sing a song that had been Kari's favorite ever since they'd sung it at a retreat when she was sixteen years old: ”Jesus loves me, this I know....”

Ryan Taylor had been on the retreat too. They'd sat side by 104 side as the speaker explained the options Christ might have if he were to get one of them face-to-face in a room alone. Kari closed her eyes as the children continued to sing, and she could still hear the retreat speaker's voice.

”He could yell at you and tell you how badly you've messed up, order you to get things right, and then hand out some sort of punishment.” The speaker had been pa.s.sionate, walking back and forth across the stage as the teens sat spellbound.

”Or he could shake his head and tell you what a disappointment you've been.”

Then the speaker's voice had grown quiet as he stood still, only his eyes moving deliberately about the room, making contact with as many teens as he could. He pointed at a teen in the front row and asked him to come onto the stage.