Part 11 (1/2)

Ryan gritted his teeth and ran through a host of possible actions he might take, actions like driving to the university, finding the guy, and leveling him there in his office. Or driving to the Baxter home and holding Kari until the pain went away. The ideas fell flat.

Obviously he would see her again; he'd known that since he moved back three months ago. He'd expected to see her sooner than this. They couldn't live in such a small community and not run into each other somewhere-at church, if nowhere else. But it wasn't his place to do anything about what was happening to her. Not unless she asked for his help.

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The realization suffocated him. Kari was hurt -the kind of hurt that some people never recover from. And though he was just three miles from her family's home from her, he could do nothing to help.

”So.” Ryan could hear the tightness in his voice as Kari's pain] became his.

”Why'd you call?”

Ashley was quiet a moment. ”I'm not sure.” She sighed and! sounded as frustrated as he was. ”I remember a time long ago when everything seemed good and right with Kari, when the five

of us Baxter kids were close, and never in a million years would any of us have dreamed this might happen to our sister. You were always there for her back then, Ryan.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and ma.s.saged the bridge of his; nose. Those days were so real that he could reach back over his shoulder and touch them. ”Yeah ... I remember.”

”I guess I always thought you'd be there. And now ...”

”What can I do?” Ryan closed his eyes again. ”She's in love; with her husband.

You said so yourself.”

Ashley seemed to consider that for a moment. ”You know [ what I think, Ryan?”

The ache in his heart was so great that he literally had to force himself to stay seated, stop himself from bolting out the door and driving to Kari before common sense got the better of him. ”What?”

”No matter what she says ... I think she's still in love with you.”

85.

A pregnancy test was the only real way to know.

Kari had been late before, but not this late. And besides, she could hardly deny the fact that she was almost constantly nauseous. At first it had been easy to blame the missed periods on her busy schedule. And feeling sick was certainly understandable in light of the changes in the past three weeks.

But very little could account for her being this late and this sick.

In the weeks following Tim's departure, she had gradually moved from total paralysis into a kind of functional routine that had very little to do with the terrible reality of his absence. Though she desperately wanted to save her marriage, she felt frozen, unable to take any action at all-especially when every thought about Tim and his affair threatened to dissolve her into tears.

Kari's photo shoot schedule was light for the next few months, nothing that couldn't be handled by the other models at the agency. She had called her agent and asked for time off. But that left her with nothing to fill her days, and she hated being at

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home by herself, so she'd set up temporary quarters in her parents' guest room-the very room that used to be hers when she was growing up. At least at her parents' house she had distractions. It was better than sitting in her own empty! house listening to the deafening silence shout that her husband! didn't live there anymore.

The best distraction at her parents' house was the cleaning.! Elizabeth Baxter had always prided herself on keeping a neat, organized home, but that was before she started baby-sitting Cole three days a week. Now there were closets that needed cleaning, cupboards that hadn't been gone through in years. So Kari had spent most of her daytime hours doing housework, cleaning the garage, and, when the nausea grew too strong, taking naps.

As far as she could tell, there were enough projects around here to keep her busy for weeks-or at least until she knew what to do next. And by Sat.u.r.day of the third week since Tim had moved out, Kari knew exactly what she had to do.

Even if the results terrified her.

Just before lunch she found her mother and little Cole in the

kitchen. ”I'm going out for a while.” She grabbed her keys and smiled. Please, G.o.d, don't let her be curious. Not today.

Elizabeth looked up from the table where she and Cole were coloring pictures.

”Can you pick up a gallon of milk?”

Kari felt a warm rush of relief. She was terrified enough about the possible results of the test without having to tell her mother. That could come later, if the test turned out to be ... she couldn't bear the thought. ”Sure. Anything else?”

Her mother thought for a moment. ”Actually, yes. Two loaves of bread and some mustard. Thanks, honey.” She held Kari's gaze a moment longer. ”Any word?”

For a brief instant Kari thought her mother was talking about the pregnancy test. She could feel the color drain from her face. ”About... ?”

Her mother knit her brows and lowered her voice, as if Cole 87 might somehow understand what they were talking about. ”From Tim. Has he called?”

”Mom . . .”

”I know, I know.” Her hand came up in a gesture that told Kari she didn't need to belabor the point.

Kari had begged her parents that first day not to ask about Tim. ”I'll keep you up on what's happening,” she'd told them through her tears. ”If he calls, if we make any progress at all, I'll tell you. But otherwise, don't ask. Please.”

”I'm sorry.” Her mother stood and drew her into a hug. ”Your dad and I are praying. It's just... 1 don't know. What's he doing, Kari? He's a married man. I keep asking myself-what could be more important than loving my little girl?”

The obvious answer hung in the air between them like a newly sharpened sword.

Her mother's eyes misted over, and she pulled Kari close once more. ”Oh, honey, that, was a dumb thing to say.”

”It's okay.” Any other day Kari might have broken down in her mother's arms and silently cried out yet again for G.o.d to change Tim's heart. But now that she'd made up her mind to find out whether she was pregnant, she wanted desperately to get to the store. ”G.o.d's going to get us back together somehow. I really believe that. Just keep praying, Mom.”

Her mother nodded, too choked up to speak. ”Always.”