Part 9 (2/2)

I became alarmed at this turn of the conversation toward the more specific function of my visit, and resolved to make my exit with all possible speed ”consistent with dignity and propriety.”

Meanwhile, as she rea.s.sembled the scattered sheets of the portrait alb.u.m, the official mother chattered on concerning her children's attributes, while I s.h.i.+fted uneasily in my chair and looked about the room for my hat--forgetting in my embarra.s.sment that I was dwelling in a sunless, rainless city and possessed no hat.

At last there was a lull in the monologue and I arose and said I must be going.

Frau Augusta looked pained and I recalled that I had not yet complimented her upon her intelligence and fitness to be the mother of coming generations of chemical scientists, but I stubbornly resolved not to resume my seat.

”You are young,” said Frau Augusta, who had risen and s.h.i.+fted her position till she stood between me and the door. ”Surely you have not yet made many calls on the maternity level.” Then she sighed, ”I do not see why they a.s.sign a man only three names to select from. Surely they could be more liberal.” She paused and her face hardened. ”And to think that you men are permitted to call as often as you like upon those degenerate hussies who have been forbidden the sacred duties of motherhood. It is a very wicked inst.i.tution, that level of l.u.s.t--some day we women--we mothers of Berlin--will rise in our wrath and see that they are banished to the mines, for they produce nothing but sin and misery in this man-made world.”

”Yes,” I said, ”the system is very wrong, but--”

”But the authorities, you need not say it, I have heard it all before, the authorities, always the authorities. Why should men always be the authorities? Why do we mothers of Berlin have no rights? Why are we not consulted in these matters? Why must we always submit?”

Then suddenly, and very much to my surprise, she placed her hands upon my shoulders and said hoa.r.s.ely: ”Tell me about the Free Level. Are the women there more beautiful than I?”

”No,” I said, ”very few of them are beautiful, and those of the labour groups are most gross and stupid.”

”Then why,” wailed Frau Augusta, ”was I not allowed to go? Why was I penned up here and made to bear children when others revel in the delights of love and song and laughter?”

”But,” I said, shocked at this unexpected revelation of character, ”yours is the more honourable, more virtuous life. You were chosen for motherhood because you are a woman of superior intelligence.”

”It's a lie,” cried Frau Augusta. ”I have no intelligence. I want none.

But I am as beautiful as they. But no, they would not let me go. They penned me up here with these saintly mothers and these angelic children.

Children, children everywhere, millions and millions of them, and not a man but doctors, and you elected fathers who are sent here to bring us pain and sorrow. You say nothing of love--your eyes are cold. The last one said he loved me--the brute! He came but thrice, when my child was born he sent me a flower. But that is the official rule. And I hate him, and hate his child that has his lying eyes.”

The distraught woman covered her face with her hands and burst into violent weeping.

When she had ceased her sobs I tried to explain to her the philosophy of contentment with life's lot. I told her of the seamy side of the gown that cloaks licentiousness and of the sorrows and bitterness of the ashes of burned out love. With the most iridescent words at my command I painted for her the halo of the madonna's glory, and translated for her the English verse that informs us that there is not a flower in any land, nor a pearl in any sea, that is as beautiful and lovely as any child on any mother's knee.

But I do not think I altogether consoled Frau Augusta for my German vocabulary was essentially scientific, not poetic. But I made a n.o.ble effort and when I left her I felt very much the preacher, for the function of the preacher, not unlike death, is to make us cling to those ills we have when we would fly to others that we know not of.

~5~

There remained but one card unsigned of the three given me.

Frau Matilda, daughter of Siegfried Oberwinder, a.n.a.line a.n.a.lyst, was registered as eighteen and evidently an inexperienced mother-elect as I was a father-elect. The nature of the man is to hold the virgin above the madonna, and in starting on my third journey to the maternity level, I found hitherto inexperienced feelings tugging at my heartstrings and resolved that whatever she might be, I would be dignified and formal yet most courteous and kind.

My ring was answered by a slender, frightened girl. She was so shy that she could only nod for me to enter. I offered my card and folder, smiling to rea.s.sure her, but she retreated precipitously into a far corner and sat staring at me beseechingly with big grey eyes that seemed the only striking feature of her small pinched face.

”I am sorry if I frighten you,” I said, ”but of course you know that I am sent by the eugenic authorities. I will not detain you long. All that is really necessary is for you to sign this card.”

She timidly signed the card and returned it to the corner of the table.

I felt extremely sorry for the fluttering creature; and, knowing that I could not alter her lot, I sought to speak words of encouragement. ”If you find it hard now,” I said, ”it is only because you are young and a stranger to life, but you will be recompensed when you know the joys of motherhood.”

At my words a look of consecrated purpose glowed in the girl's white face. ”Oh, yes,” she said eagerly. ”I wish very much to be a mother. I have studied so hard to learn. I wish only to give myself to the holy duties of maternity. But I am so afraid.”

”But you need not be afraid of me,” I said. ”This is only a formal call which I have made because the Eugenic Staff ordered it so. But it seems to me that some better plan might be made for these meetings. Some social life might be arranged so that you would become acquainted with the men who are to be the fathers of your children under less embarra.s.sing circ.u.mstances.”

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