Part 6 (1/2)
be'ind the tramp), to fit the s.h.i.+p with a full set of patent supernumerary sails. Four trysails--yes, you might call 'em trysails--was our Admiralty allowance in the un'eard of event of a cruiser breakin' down, but we had our awnin's as well. They was all extricated from the various flats an'
'oles where they was stored, an' at the end o' two hours' hard work Number One 'e made out eleven sails o' different sorts and sizes. I don't know what exact nature of sail you'd call 'em--pyjama-stun'sles with a touch of Sarah's s.h.i.+mmy, per'aps--but the riggin' of 'em an' all the supernumerary details, as you might say, bein' carried on through an' over an' between the cutter an' the forge an' the pork an' cleanin' guns, an' the Maxim cla.s.s an' the Bosun's calaboose _and_ the paintwork, was sublime. There's no other word for it. Sub-lime!
”The old man keeps swimmin' up an' down through it all with the faithful Antonio at 'is side, fetchin' him numerous splits. 'E had eight that mornin', an' when Antonio was detached to get 'is spy-gla.s.s, or his gloves, or his lily-white 'andkerchief, the old man man would waste 'em down a ventilator. Antonio must ha' learned a lot about our Navy thirst.”
”He did.”
”Ah! Would you kindly mind turnin' to the precise page indicated an'
givin' me a _resume_ of 'is tattics?” said Mr. Pyecroft, drinking deeply.
”I'd like to know 'ow it looked from 'is side o' the deck.”
”How will this do?” I said. ”'_Once clear of the land, like Voltaire's Habakkuk_------”'
”One o' their new commerce-destroyers, I suppose,” Mr. Pyecroft interjected.
”'--_each man seemed veritably capable of all--to do according to his will. The boats, dismantled and forlorn, are lowered upon the planking.
One cries ”Aid me!” flouris.h.i.+ng at the same time the weapons of his business. A dozen launch themselves upon him in the o.r.g.a.s.m of zeal misdirected. He beats them off with the howlings of dogs. He has lost a hammer. This ferocious outcry signifies that only. Eight men seek the utensil, colliding on the way with some many others which, seated in the stern of the boat, tear up and scatter upon the planking the ironwork which impedes their brutal efforts. Elsewhere, one detaches from on high wood, canvas, iron bolts, coal-dust--what do I know_?'”
”That's where 'e's comin' the bloomin' _onjeuew_. 'E knows a lot, reely.”
”'_They descend thundering upon the planking, and the spectacle cannot reproduce itself. In my capacity of valet to the captain, whom I have well and beautifully plied with drink since the rising of the sun (behold me also, Ganymede!) I pa.s.s throughout observing, it may be not a little. They ask orders. There is none to give them. One sits upon the edge of the vessel and chants interminably the lugubrious ”Roule Britannia”--to endure how lomg_?'”
”That was me! On'y 'twas 'A Life on the Ocean Wave'--which I hate more than any stinkin' tune I know, havin' dragged too many nasty little guns to it. Yes, Number One told me off to that for ten minutes; an' I ain't musical, you might say.”
”_'Then come marines, half-dressed, seeking vainly through this ”tohu- bohu_”' (that's one of his names for the _Archimandrite_, Mr. Pyecroft), '_for a place whence they shall not be dislodged. The captain, heavy with drink, rolls himself from his hammock. He would have his people fire the Maxims. They demand which Maxim. That to him is equal. The breech-lock indispensable is not there. They demand it of one who opens a barrel of pork, for this Navy feeds at all hours. He refers them to the cook, yesterday my master_--'”
”Yes, an' Retallick nearly had a fit. What a truthful an' observin' little Antonio we 'ave!”
”'_It is discovered in the hands of a boy who says, and they do not rebuke him, that he has found it by hazard_.' I'm afraid I haven't translated quite correctly, Mr. Pyecroft, but I've done my best.”
”Why, it's beautiful--you ought to be a Frenchman--you ought. You don't want anything o' _me_. You've got it all there.”
”Yes, but I like your side of it. For instance. Here's a little thing I can't quite see the end of. Listen! '_Of the domain which Britannia rules by sufferance, my gross captain, knew nothing, and his Navigator, if possible, less. From the b.e.s.t.i.a.l recriminations and the indeterminate chaos of the grand deck, I ascended--always with a whisky-and-soda in my hands--to a scene truly grotesque. Behold my captain in plain sea, at issue with his Navigator! A crisis of nerves due to the enormous quant.i.ty of alcohol which he had swallowed up to then, has filled for him the ocean with dangers, imaginary and fantastic. Incapable of judgment, menaced by the phantasms of his brain inflamed, he envisages islands perhaps of the Hesperides beneath his keel--vigias innumerable.'_ I don't know what a vigia is, Mr. Pyecroft. _'He creates shoals sad and far-reaching of the mid-Atlantic!'_ What was that, now?”
”Oh, I see! That come after dinner, when our Navigator threw 'is cap down an' danced on it. Danby was quartermaster. They 'ad a tea-party on the bridge. It was the old man's contribution. Does he say anything about the leadsmen?”
”Is this it? _'Overborne by his superior's causeless suspicion, the Navigator took off the badges of his rank and cast them at the feet of my captain and sobbed. A disgusting and maudlin reconciliation followed. The argument renewed itself, each grasping the wheel, c.r.a.pulous'_ (that means drunk, I think, Mr. Pyecroft), _'shouting. It appeared that my captain would chenaler'_ (I don't know what that means, Mr. Pyecroft) _'to the Cape. At the end, he placed a sailor with the sound'_ (that's the lead, I think) _'in his hand, garnished with suet.'_ Was it garnished with suet?”
”He put two leadsmen in the chains, o' course! He didn't know that there mightn't be shoals there, 'e said. Morgan went an' armed his lead, to enter into the spirit o' the thing. They 'eaved it for twenty minutes, but there wasn't any suet--only tallow, o' course.”
”'_Garnished with suet at two thousand metres of profundity. Decidedly the Britannic Navy is well guarded_.' Well, that's all right, Mr. Pyecroft.
Would you mind telling me anything else of interest that happened?”
”There was a good deal, one way an' another. I'd like to know what this Antonio thought of our sails.”
”He merely says that '_the engines having broken down, an officer extemporised a mournful and useless parody of sails_.' Oh, yes! he says that some of them looked like '_bonnets in a needlecase_,' I think.”
”Bonnets in a needlecase! They were stun'sles. That shows the beggar's no sailor. That trick was really the one thing we did. Pho! I thought he was a sailorman, an' 'e hasn't sense enough to see what extemporisin' eleven good an' drawin' sails out o' four trys'les an' a few awnin's means. 'E must have been drunk!”
”Never mind, Mr. Pyecroft. I want to hear about your target-practice, and the execution.”
”Oh! We had a special target-practice that afternoon all for Antonio. As I told my crew--me bein' captain of the port-bow quick-firer, though I'm a torpedo man now--it just showed how you can work your gun under any discomforts. A sh.e.l.l--twenty six-inch sh.e.l.ls--burstin' inboard couldn't 'ave begun to make the varicose collection o' t.i.t-bits which we had spilled on our deck. It was a lather--a rich, creamy lather!