Part 37 (2/2)

'I'll make some anyway.'

He was just filling the cafetiere when Maxine cleared her throat and said, 'Okay, Will, let's make this easier on each other. What was it you wanted to say?'

He stopped what he was doing, took a deep breath, and turned to face her. Courage, he told himself. Besides, what did he have to lose? 'Maxine, I know this is going to be hard for you to believe but I want us to be friends.' His words came out in a nervous rush. Then more slowly, he said, 'I want to feel comfortable around you and I want you to be comfortable around me.' He forced himself to meet her gaze. 'At the very least I want you to feel that you can take your coat off when you're in my house.'

'Why? Why should any of that be important to you?'

'Because the love we once had for each other should still mean something.'

'What if it doesn't?

'Then I'm b.u.g.g.e.red.' He leaned back against the worktop and dragged his hands over his face. 'It might sound crazy, but by being emotionally close to you again I think I'll feel closer to Suzie. To put it bluntly, I'm terrified I won't survive this mess unless you help me.'

'Nothing will bring her back, Will. Don't delude yourself.'

'I'm not. I just know that she was a part of you and me and that by bringing the two of us together - ' But his nerve failed him and he hung his head. Moments pa.s.sed and then: 'Look, Maxine, I'll admit it, I'm desperate, I can't do this alone.'

'You are only talking about being friends, aren't you?' she said more gently. 'You're not suggesting we get back together again?'

He looked up. 'I think that would be a challenge too far, don't you?'

For the first time since she'd arrived, her expression softened. 'You're right. And Steve might have something to say on the matter too.'

'I know I'm repeating myself, but he really is one of the good guys. I envy you having such a supportive partner right now.'

'What about the girl you were seeing? What happened to her?'

'She reached the conclusion that an older man wasn't appropriate.'

'What was the age gap? Gemma implied she wasn't much older than ... Suzie.'

'I think that was Gemma wanting to stir things up. Harriet's thirty-three.'

He watched her mentally do the sums. 'That's not so bad,' she said. 'It's not much more than the gap between Steve and me.' She then shrugged off her coat and put it over the back of a chair. 'Is that offer of coffee still on?'

He swallowed his relief that his plea for help hadn't been met with an outright rejection. 'I've lit a fire in the sitting room; why don't you go and sit down in the warm?'

She did as he said and minutes later, he joined her with the tray of coffee things. He found her standing by the desk where he kept his collection of framed photographs. She was holding one up to the light: it was of Suzie and Gemma as toddlers; all blonde hair and best party frocks. He put the tray down and went and stood next to her. 'I never meant to be such a bad mother,' she murmured.

He put a hand on her shoulder. 'You haven't been a bad mother, Maxine. Don't ever say that about yourself.'

She put the photograph back with the others. 'What I regret most is that she never knew how much I loved her. I never took the time to tell her. I never once showed her what she really meant to me. I ... I was always too busy.

Too busy trying to be the person I thought my father wanted me to be.' Her voice caught in her throat and she put a hand to her mouth.

'Come and sit down,' he said.

'I idolised him, Will,' she said, making no attempt to move. 'But then you always knew that, didn't you?' Her voice was tight with emotion.

He nodded.

'As a child I thought he was better than Superman. I was utterly devoted to him. I wanted to be just like he was; all-powerful and utterly invincible.' Tears filled her eyes. 'I sacrificed everything for him. The silly teenage dreams I'd had for myself. You. And now Suzie. If I hadn't been so obsessed with following in his footsteps, to prove myself to him, Suzie would still be alive. It's all my fault. I know it is.' The tears really flowed now and Will took her gently in his arms. He tried to soothe her but she wouldn't listen, just went on berating herself. With tears filling his own eyes, he let her cry it out.

He'd only ever seen her cry once before, and that was when her father died.

Half an hour into its stride, the McKendricks' sherry fest had looked as though it would be as tedious as it always was. The usual suspects had been circling the buffet table and Harriet had been doing her usual act of trying to appear sociable while totally ignoring everyone.

She'd had no intention of causing such an almighty scene, but when it happened - when Dora and Derek offered to find the children some orange juice in the kitchen, and she found herself alone with Miles and Dominic - the red mist came down and she gave in to it all too readily. By now she'd had sufficient time to figure things out, and was more than ready for a confrontation.

'There's something I want to discuss with you two,' she said. 'Let's go outside where no one will hear us.'

'Harriet, are you quite mad? It's about minus six out there!'

'Dominic, trust me, I'm in no mood to argue with you. Now get outside. You too, Miles. Unless you'd both prefer for your parents to hear what I've got to say.' Her voice had risen and people were staring, but she didn't care. She took hold of Dominic's elbow. 'Move it,' she snapped. 'Now!'

She slammed the front door shut after them. 'Right,' she said. 'I'll start with you, Miles. How long had you been having an affair with my sister before she died? To the nearest month will do.'

Chapter Fifty-Seven.

Miles stared back at her in horror, just as Harriet had expected him to. 'Don't be shy, Miles,' she said. 'After all, it's not the big secret you think it is. Your brother had it all worked out ages ago. Isn't that right, Dominic?'

Dominic looked at her warily, his eyes slightly narrowed, his composure jolted imperceptibly out of line. He didn't answer her, though.

'Lost for words, are you?' she said nastily. 'Wow, that must be a first.'

'Look, will somebody tell me what the h.e.l.l's going on here?' Miles said.

Switching her gaze between the two brothers, Harriet said, 'Now that's what I call a seriously good question. Dominic? Do you have an answer for your brother? You usually have an answer for most things.'

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