Part 32 (1/2)

”Roger, let me stay! Let me nurse you!” she panted. ”I didn't understand. Let me be your friend! Let me help! I implore--I implore you!”

He hesitated a moment, then he lifted her to her feet decidedly, but not unkindly.

”What do you mean?” he said, slowly. ”Do you mean that you wish us to be husband and wife again? You are, of course, my wife, in the eye of English law, at this moment.”

”Let me try and help you!” she pleaded again, breaking into bitter tears. ”I didn't--I didn't understand!”

He shook his head.

”You can't help me. I--I'm afraid I couldn't bear it. We mustn't meet.

It--it's gone too deep.”

He thrust his hands into his pockets and walked away to the window. She stood helplessly weeping.

When he returned he was quite composed again.

”Don't cry so,” he said, calmly. ”It's done. We can't help it. And don't make yourself too unhappy about me. I've had awful times. When I was ill in New York--it was like h.e.l.l. The pain was devilish, and I wasn't used to being alone, and n.o.body caring a d.a.m.n, and everybody believing me a cad and a bully. But I got over that. It was Beatty's death that hit me so hard, and that I wasn't there. It's that, somehow, I can't get over--that you did it--that you could have had the heart. It would always come between us. No, we're better apart. But I'll tell you something to comfort you. I've given up that girl, as I've told you, and I've given up drink. Herbert won't believe it, but he'll find it is so.

And I don't mean to die before my time. I'm going out to Switzerland directly. I'll do all the correct things. You see, when a man _knows_ he's going to die, well,” he turned away, ”he gets uncommonly curious as to what's going to come next.”

He walked up and down a few turns. Daphne watched him.

”I'm not pious--I never was. But after all, the religious people profess to know something about it, and n.o.body else does. Just supposing it were true?”

He stopped short, looking at her. She understood perfectly that he had Beatty in his mind.

”Well, anyhow, I'm going to live decently for the rest of my time--and die decently. I'm not going to throw away chances. And don't trouble yourself about money. There's enough left to carry me through. Good-bye, Daphne!” He held out his hand to her.