Part 5 (1/2)

”It's all in the wrist,” he says, and then sets out to teach me how to create some kind of edible breakfast, completely oblivious to my slight freak out.

Who knew last week I would be here, in the kitchen of the Knights Rebels MC, sharing coffee with two brothers. One, who has close work ties to the family I'm running from, and the other teaching me how to make eggs for the man who I owe more than my life to.

The same man who frightens me more than anyone because of the things he makes me feel, the things he makes me want. Things I have no business wanting from a man like him.

Yeah, I need more than a minute to process this.

”Kenzie, did you hear me?” Beau's voice calls me out of my trance. I look up, coming back to reality and find him standing at the door of my room. His hair is pulled back in some s.e.xy male bun, making his beard look longer. He's not wearing his cut today, which disappoints me, but the black Henley, pulled tight over his arms, is just as good to look at.

”Sorry? What did you say?” I place the book I was reading down beside me and sit up.

”Have you eaten?” He rests his shoulder against the doorframe, his booted feet crossing at the ankle.

”Ahh, not yet.” I look at the time and realize I've just daydreamed my whole morning away.

It's been a week since Detective Carter came around to see me. Much to my chagrin, Beau came out from his shower, and ripped Jackson a new one for talking to me without him. It's not that I needed him there when Jackson questioned me; in fact, I was glad I didn't have him there. Beau would have only tried to convince me to press charges. It's not that I don't understand where they're coming from, but it's just easier this way. The last thing I need is a paper trail.

”You gotta start eating, Kenzie,” Beau pushes off the doorframe and steps into my room. The name my mom and dad called me sends me back to the good memories of my childhood when my life wasn't tainted with fear and pain.

”I'm not trying to starve myself, Beau.” My feet find the floor next to my bed and I stand, stretching out my kinks. Eating has been the last thing on my mind lately, not when my stomach is constantly in knots with fear.

”Doesn't look like it to me,” Beau pushes, throwing me off more with his comments. I don't know when he's teasing or being serious. Even after spending two weeks with him, I'm still trying to figure him out. He's changed a lot since I saw him last. Not that I really knew him. It was only a brief time we spent together, but it didn't matter. As cliche as it might sound, we had a connection. One that brought us together.

”Trust me, Beau, between you, Hunter, and Jesse, you would think I have some kind of eating disorder.” I shake my head at their over protectiveness.

Over the last two weeks, I've come to know all the guys here, but Jesse and Hunter have been around the most. When Beau isn't around, I find myself either in the kitchen with Jesse, or playing pool with Hunter.

”What've Jesse and Hunter been saying?” His brows pinch inward as he steps into my room.

”Nothing, just that I should be eating more,” I tell him, unsure why he's so concerned. He says the same d.a.m.n thing every day. Ever since my first day here, Beau has been on my back about eating. I know over the eighteen months I haven't been eating as well as I should have been. I can see it in the way my clothes hang off my body. So even if I do find his pestering about me eating annoying, I know why he's doing it.

”Tell them to mind their own f.u.c.king business.” He grunts, folding his arms over his chest.

”Ahh, no. I can't tell them to mind their own business.” I pick up my cardigan and slide my arms though the holes.

Is he crazy? These guys have taken me in to protect me, no questions asked. Made me feel comfortable. Offered me clean clothes, food. I'm not going to tell them to get off my back when I know they mean well.

”I'll tell them.” He shakes his head, pulling on his beard, his expression guarded. I don't know much about Beau, but from what I've learned, he keeps to himself a lot and rarely shows emotions, but this here is new. This is deeper.

”It's fine, Beau. I'm a big girl. I can handle myself.” He holds my stare for a minute and I wait for him to respond, but he doesn't.

”All right, now I'm hungry.” I take a step toward him, my stomach grumbling on cue.

”Before we eat, I need to talk to you about Heidi.” All thoughts of food flee faster than a gambler from a bookie.

”You found her?” My voice is hopeful, but dread offers my mind only one thought. He got to her.

”She's missing, darlin'.” I had antic.i.p.ated the worst, knowing she wouldn't just up and leave like she did, but I wasn't expecting the ferocity of guilt and how it almost blinds me.

”She's dead.”

”You don't know that. For all we know, she's gone into hiding.”

I know it's more than that. Deep down I know. Regret washes over me. How I wish I could go back and take a different path, a path that includes taking Heidi with me all those months ago.

”She wouldn't just leave like this, Beau. You and I both know this. Stop giving me false hope. Be realistic here.”

”I'm not giving you false hope, darlin'. I refuse to give up. We're gonna keep looking.” He pushes off the doorframe, takes two steps toward me, and reaches for my hand. Instead of flinching like I normally would, I let him take it, let him soothe the raging storm brewing inside me.

I believe him when he says he won't give up, but I also know Chad. Know what he was capable of. If Heidi is missing, I know with everything inside of me, Chad is responsible.

We stand deep in silence, my mind fighting with my body on how to processes it, until Beau whispers, ”Come back to me, darlin'.” His words are the resuscitation I need to finally let my body gasp for much-needed air.

”I'm here.”

”You're not,” he argues, but he's wrong. Two weeks ago, the news of Heidi being missing would have sent me into a full-blown breakdown. This reaction is me processing. I'm not saying every part of me doesn't want to break, or retreat into myself, I just don't want to show Beau that kind of weakness.

”I'm here as much as you.” I drop his hand and let out a breath. ”Now, how about that lunch?”

”Don't put a mask on with me, Kenz. I'm not saying you can't feel, just don't give up hope.” I don't reply right away. The fact he just called me out shocks me. That's one thing I respect about Beau. He doesn't let me play my bulls.h.i.+t.

”You're right. Every part of me wants to lie down right now in defeat. But that's not fair to Heidi.” I give him the truth. Until we know for sure, I'm going to stay positive.

”It's not fair to you,” he corrects me.

”Yeah, well, I don't care about me.”

”Well, I do.” His wide eyes reflect his conviction, and his hand tightening in mine proves he won't be convinced otherwise. For a millisecond, I let it pull me to him. It's been so long since I've willingly let someone care. I don't know what it is between Beau and I. This tension has been growing rapidly from day one, and every time he's close, my body reacts.

Which is crazy considering I haven't been with anyone since Chad.

”Well, someone should.” I laugh to hide my unease. ”Come on, I really am hungry.” Beau doesn't say anything, he just steps back to let me pa.s.s. My arm brushes against his hard chest as I pa.s.s him. ”What would you like to eat?” I ignore the flutter in my stomach as I look up at him. He's so tall and broad. The top of my head barely hits his shoulder and standing in front of him, my insides grow unpleasantly warm realizing he could probably do some serious damage with his arms.

No, he's not Chad.

”I'll make something.” His short monotone voice makes me cringe only for a second before I relax. I'm starting to learn it's Beau's way. In the beginning, it rubbed me wrong, taking me back to when Chad was angry with me, and no matter what I would try to do to fix the situation, he would still lash out in a cruel way. Beau is different though. He might be short with his answers, and sometimes he might come across as harsh, but there is nothing cruel about him.