Part 45 (2/2)

”I am dreadfully sorry to hurt you, you must believe that,” she said.

He did not make any response. He bowed to her and then left the room.

”What does it mean? This is terrible,” I cried.

The d.u.c.h.ess looked at me.

”Will you come home with me, Westenra? it is best for you,” she said.

”Come and spend the rest of the day with me.”

”No, I cannot,” I answered; ”I must stay here. Albert may come back again. There is no saying what mischief you have done. I cannot think, I am too miserable, too anxious. Oh, suppose he goes to see Mr.

Randolph, and suppose, suppose he tells him.”

”I believe in his heart that man is a gentleman. Even if you marry him I shall not be quite so unhappy as I would have been,” was the d.u.c.h.ess's next speech, and then seeing that I was not inclined to say anything more she left the room.

I do not know how the rest of the day pa.s.sed. From the quiet of despair my mind was suddenly roused to a perfect whirl of anxiety, and I could not think consecutively. I could plan nothing, I could hope nothing, but it seemed to me that my journey to Switzerland was indefinitely postponed, and that my future from being settled in every detail, month, week, hour, and all, was as indefinite and vague and shadowy as though I were standing on the brink of the other world.

Jasmine entered the room at tea-time and asked me what was the matter.

I replied that I had nothing at all fresh to tell her, for I felt that she must never know what the d.u.c.h.ess had told Albert Fanning. She gazed at me as I spoke as though I were a source of irritation to her, and then said that my stepping down had changed me so absolutely that she was not sure whether I was a nice girl any longer, and whether, after all, the fate of being Albert Fanning's wife was not the best fate for me. Then I said stoutly--

”Albert Fanning is one of the best men in the world, and I am fortunate to be left in such good care.” Jasmine got really angry and offended then, and went out of the room. She presently came back to ask me, if I would mind dining alone, as she and Henry wished to spend their last evening with some friends. I said that, of course, I did not mind. In reality I was very glad.

Jasmine went out, and I was again alone. How I hated the house; how I hated the dreary, and yet beautifully-furnished drawing-room; how the heat oppressed me, and seemed to take away the remainder of my strength! I wondered if it were true, that I was only two-and-twenty, just on the verge of womanhood. I felt quite old, and I stretched out my arms, and gave a dreary sigh; and felt that the sadness of youth was just as _great_ as the sadness of age; and that one of its most painful moments was the knowledge that, in the ordinary course of life, I was so far from the end. Yes, I was young, and I must bear my burden, and I was strong too; and there was no chance under any ordinary circ.u.mstances of my not living out the full measure of my years.

Just before dinner the drawing-room door was again opened, and Albert Fanning for the third time that day made his appearance. He looked quite brisk, and bright, and like his usual self, except that in some extraordinary way his awkwardness and self-consciousness had completely left him; he was evidently absorbed with some business on hand, which made him a new man for the time.

”Will you come for a walk with me, Westenra?” he asked gravely.

”What, now?” I inquired in some surprise and trepidation.

”Yes,” he answered, ”or, at least, I want you to drive with me now, and to walk with me afterwards. I have a great desire that we should spend this evening together; and I fancy, somehow, that you won't deny me. I have a carriage outside; I bought it for you, yesterday, a smart little victoria. I will drive you to Richmond, and we can dine there.

You will come, won't you, dear?”

I paused to think, then I said, just as gravely as he had addressed me--

”Yes, I'll come.”

”That is nice,” he remarked, rubbing his hands, ”we'll have a good time, little girl. We won't mind what the d.u.c.h.ess said; we'll have a right, good, jolly time, you and I.”

”Of course,” I answered. I went up to my room, dressed, and came down again.

”I am ready now,” I said.

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