Part 20 (2/2)
”No.”
”Go eat and come back as soon as you can. This may take a whole night. We'll need you to be around.”
”How about you? Did you eat?”
”Yes.”
He was impressed by Haiyan's composure. He left the room while his wife was groaning and rubbing her back with both hands.
In the mess hall Lin bought a spinach soup and two buns stuffed with pork and cabbage, which he began to eat without appet.i.te. He couldn't tell whether he was happy about the baby, whose arrival took him by surprise. He belched, and his mouth was filled with acid gastric juice, which almost made him vomit. He rested his head for a moment on his fist placed on the edge of the tabletop. Fortunately n.o.body was nearby; around him were stools turned upside down on the tables.
Outside, pigs began oinking from their sties behind the kitchen as the swineherd knocked the side of a trough with an iron scoop. A group of nurses and orderlies came in, gathered around two tables at the other end of the hall, and began stringing green beans.
Lin let out a sigh. His heartburn prevented him from finis.h.i.+ng dinner. In the air lingered a stench, coming from the hogwash vat by the long sink. He got up and went across to dump the soup into the vat. After was.h.i.+ng his bowls and spoon, he gargled twice, then put the dinner set into his bag made of a striped towel and hung it on the wall, among the bags of his comrades. At the other end of the hall the young women were chatting and humming a movie song. A puppy was whimpering, leashed to a leg of a table.
When Lin came back to the medical building, his wife's groaning had turned into screaming. Haiyan told him that the baby seemed to be coming sooner than she had thought. In fact Manna was in transition. Lin wet a towel and wiped the sweat and tears off her face. Her eyes were flas.h.i.+ng and her cheeks crimson.
”I can't stand this anymore! No more!” she cried. The corners of her mouth stretched sideways.
”Manna,” he said, ”it will be over soon. Haiyan will make sure that-”
”Oh, why did you do this to me?” she shouted.
He was taken aback, but managed to say, ”Manna, don't you want the baby?”
”d.a.m.n you! You don't know how this hurts. Oh, you've all abused me!”
”Please, don't yell. Others in the building can hear you.”
”Don't tell me what to do, d.a.m.n you!”
”Come on, I didn't mean-”
”I hate you!” she screamed. ”I hate you all.”
”Please, you'll disturb-”
”Miser! Too late. Oh, help me!”
”Okay, you yell as you like.”
”Miser! Miser!”
He was bewildered, wondering why she suddenly called him that. She seemed angry at Haiyan too; that must have been why she said they had all abused her. Then the thought came to him that by ”miser” she must have been referring to the two thousand yuan they had talked about paying to Bensheng to get his support a decade before. She must have thought that if they had married ten years earlier it would have been easier for her to give birth to the baby. This realization stunned him, because he hadn't known she had harbored her deep resentment all these years. He turned to the door, telling Snow Goose that he was going to the bathroom.
Once alone in a toilet stall, he tried to sort out his thoughts. Manna must have hoped he would spend two thousand yuan to buy off Bensheng at that time, though she had never made her wish explicit to him. He remembered clearly that she refused to share such a cost. Then why did she call him ”miser”? He felt something clutching his lungs, and a pain gnawed him in the chest. Had he had that much money, he would certainly have brought about the divorce sooner. He had told her that he only had six hundred yuan in the bank, and she wouldn't even reveal to him how much she had saved. She must have thought he was a rich man and could easily afford two thousand yuan. After so many years, how come she still didn't believe him? Why on earth had she always kept her secrets from him, never allowing him to see her bankbook?
In his mind a voice replied, Because money's more precious and more effective than love. If you had spent the money, everything would have worked out all right and you could have enjoyed a happy marriage.
No, it wasn't that simple, Lin retorted.
It was simple and clear like a bug on a bald head, the voice went on. Say you had owned ten thousand yuan and spent one-fifth of it on your brother-in-law, counting that as a loss. Then you could have married Manna a decade ago. If so, she would have had no difficulty in giving birth to a baby and wouldn't have harbored a grievance against you. You see, isn't money more powerful than love?
That's not true, Lin countered. We needed no money to help us fall in love, just as we need no money to consummate our marriage.
Really? Then why did you spend eleven hundred yuan for the wedding? Why have you two kept separate bank accounts?
Lin was at a loss for an answer, but he suppressed that cold voice. For a long while he remained in the bathroom, which was the only quiet place where he could be un.o.bserved. Now he was sitting on the windowsill with his back against the wall, absentmindedly watching the backyard. It was already dark; beyond the screen mosquitoes were humming and fireflies were drawing little arcs. From a dormitory house a harmonica was shrieking out ”The Internationale” disjointedly. A truck driver was burning oily rags at the corner of the garage, a bucket of water standing by him. Far away on the hill a cl.u.s.ter of gas lamps were flickering in a temporary apiary. Some beekeepers were still busy collecting honey over there despite the nightfall.
Somehow Lin's right eye began smarting, as though a foreign object had entered it. He removed his gla.s.ses and rubbed his eye with his fingertip. But the more he rubbed it, the more it hurt. He stood up, went to the sink, and put his head sideways beneath the spout so that the stream could rinse his eye. The cold water, falling over his cheeks and forehead, refreshed him.
No sooner had he turned off the faucet than a piercing scream came from Manna, which reminded him that he must have stayed in the bathroom at least half an hour and that it was time to go back. He wiped his face with his handkerchief, put on his gla.s.ses, and hurried out.
As he entered the delivery room again, his wife was wailing, ”Oh! I hate you ... Too late ... So many years ... I'm dying, too old for this baby.”
”Manna, I'm sorry,” he said. ”Don't bring up old scores, okay? Concentrate on-”
”All right, no cervix left.” Haiyan waved to Nurse Yu and Snow Goose to come closer and help. ”Manna, let's push. Take a deep breath. Ready?”
She nodded.
Haiyan counted, ”One ... two ... go.” go.”
She pushed, her face purple and swollen. Lin noticed that Haiyan's face was puffy, as red as a boiled crab.
The second Manna exhaled, she yelled at him again, ”d.a.m.n you, it's too late. Rice Bag ... Chicken Heart!”
”Please don't be so nasty,” he begged.
”Ah, I'm dying. d.a.m.n your mother!”
Snow Goose turned aside and t.i.ttered, but she stopped at Manna's stare. Ashamed, Lin let go of his wife's shoulder and made for the door again. Haiyan grasped his arm and whispered, ”Lin, you should stay.”
”I-I can't.”
”It's common for a woman in labor to go berserk. She called me names too. But we shouldn't mind. You know, this makes her feel better. You mustn't take her words to heart. She's frightened and needs you to be with her.”
He shook his head and went out without another word.
Manna yelled after him, ”Go to h.e.l.l, coward! I don't want to see your face before I die.”
Haiyan returned to the birth bed and said, ”Come on, let's push again.”
”No, I can't,” Manna cried. ”Cut me open, Haiyan. I beg of you. Please give me ... a cesarean.”
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