Part 13 (2/2)

He forced her down on the bed and began kissing and licking her face and neck while she struggled, begged, and wept. She tried wriggling her legs loose, but they were gripped between his. His right hand held both of her wrists, while his free hand went beneath her s.h.i.+rt and grasped her right breast and then her left. ”Ah, you smell so good, delicious, but your b.r.e.a.s.t.s are small, you know?” His nose kept thrusting into her hair, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead.

She tried pus.h.i.+ng him away, but his body and his legs pinned her to the bed. Meanwhile, his left hand was unbuckling her belt and pulling down her pants. ”Let go of me!” she groaned.

”My, you have a nice b.u.t.t.”

”Geng Yang, spare me just this once, please! I'll come back to you tomorrow, I promise. You can do anything you want with me. I'm not ready now. Please-” She choked, feeling dizzy, her temples pounding and sparks splas.h.i.+ng in the air. His head looked twice the size it was.

”No. You think I don't know you're lying?” He pulled her over on her stomach and forcefully pressed his thumb on her spine at the small of her back. The pressure nearly made her black out. Her lower body turned numb; she felt injured. He spat on his fingertips and began rubbing her a.n.a.l cleft. She tried to hold her legs tight, but they felt no longer her own. She was sobbing, unable to fight back, her arms flailing helplessly on the bed.

”Look at this.” He grabbed her hair and pulled her head around. She had never expected that the male organ could be so large; his was like a donkey's and terrified her.

”See how big my c.o.c.k is,” he said, panting. ”It's like a rolling pin, no, it's a little mortar.”

”Please, don't. Don't do this to me! Oh-”

He pushed her face down on the bed. ”Shut up! My c.o.c.k is designed to blast into an old virgin like you.” As he was speaking, he pressed his organ into her, thrusting away like a dog.

She felt totally paralyzed, a numbing pain contracting her limbs, as though she were struggling for life in dark, freezing water. The white sheet turned black under her eyes, and a b.l.o.o.d.y taste sprang into her mouth. Suddenly rage flamed up in her chest and words gushed out of her throat. ”I curse your whole clan! d.a.m.n you, you'll be childless. Your parents will drop dead next year.”

”Say whatever you want. My parents are dead and I already have two sons.”

”They'll die like homeless dogs!”

”Oh ... ah ... ah!” He came, still rocking on her.

”d.a.m.n you, your sons will be run over by trucks!”

He pushed her face into the bed and instantly her voice was smothered. She tried to twist her head aside so that she could breathe, but his hand nailed her neck down. Meanwhile his body was still wriggling on her. She was choking and had to use all her strength to breathe in a little air through the stinking sheet and cotton mattress.

As he stopped writhing, he released his grip of her neck. The moment he got up from her, she coughed and gasped, then resumed swearing.

”What did you say, b.i.t.c.h?” He pulled her up by the collar.

”You'll be the last of your father's line!” she said through her clenched teeth, her eyes flas.h.i.+ng.

”Shut up!” He slapped her, and she fell on the bed again. Her hands were trembling, holding up her pants and buckling the belt.

He moved away and lay down on his back on the other bed and closed his eyes. ”I've got what I wanted.” He chuckled. ”You can go tell anyone you want to. Let the leaders have me arrested or expelled from the Party. I don't care. They can punish me in any way they like. But think twice before you do that. Who will believe you?” He lit a cigarette, then grabbed the liquor bottle by its neck and took a gulp. ”You know, if you weren't a virgin, I would've given you this.” He waved the bottle, chuckling again. Then he began a hacking cough.

Without a word she s.n.a.t.c.hed up her hat, unlocked the door and rushed out. As she was running toward the stairwell, the corridor echoed with the thud of her heavy boots. She stumbled at the landing but grasped the iron gooseneck of the handrail. She bolted down the stairs and reached the front entrance, where the black door curtain faced her like a huge mouth. She pushed it aside and dashed out. Once outside, she began having double vision. Houses and trees were swimming around, and the white road seemed like a cloud under her feet, while the wind was howling from behind as though chasing her. A hundred yards later she slipped and fell into the snow. Unable to get up, she threw a few handfuls of snow on her face and swallowed two mouthfuls. The icy water, which had a rusty flavor, went down her throat and stung her esophagus and stomach, but it cleared her head a little. She climbed to her feet and staggered back to the dormitory.

Fortunately none of her roommates was in, two having gone to the movies and one to work. Lying on her bed, Manna wept for half an hour while wondering what to do. She thought about reporting the rape to the leaders, but wondered if it was wise to do that. Will they believe me? she asked herself. I went to his room of my own accord. Won't they say I offered myself to him? For sure Geng Yang will deny he forced me. He'll say I tried to seduce him, then I won't be able to clear myself. I have no witness and can't prove my innocence, let alone my being a rape victim. Heavens, what should I do? If only Lin were here. No, he couldn't help me either. How I hate Lin! It was he who told that man I was a virgin. Without him, this would never have happened to me. Why did he make friends with that wolf?

Then the thought came that she should let Geng Yang's s.e.m.e.n drain out of her in order to prevent pregnancy. She opened her pants and saw a wet, reddish patch on her panties, as large as a palm. She felt sure there must be more s.e.m.e.n left in her, so she placed her washbasin on the floor and squatted over it, waiting for the remaining s.e.m.e.n to drip out. Meanwhile she couldn't help sobbing. Her thighs, sprained, were aching and shaking, and not only her pants but the entire room smelled fishy. She felt as though all her clothes had been soaked with that man's s.e.m.e.n, which seemed to be giving her stomach spasms. She started retching and moved her bottom aside to vomit into the basin.

Having squatted in the corner for almost twenty minutes, she was terrified to realize that not a drop of s.e.m.e.n had drained out. She remembered the burning moment of his e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n, which had lasted for almost half a minute. Does this mean that his sperm has already gone deep into my uterus and found an ovum? she wondered. No, it can't be so quick, can it?

She stood up, put on a fresh pair of pajamas, and picked up the basin. With a towel over her shoulder, she went out to fetch some water. Once she was out of the bedroom, the cold air in the drafty corridor made her wince, and she felt her face p.r.i.c.kling and clammy, as though it were swollen. This couldn't have been inflicted by the slap, which had landed on her jaw. Soon her entire face began smarting. Apparently Geng Yang's saliva was still stinging her skin. In the washroom, she emptied the basin and filled it with cold water, scrubbing her face with the towel again and again. She changed water three times, but the reek of his saliva seemed to cling to her skin. She remembered when she was a child, a yellow-banded caterpillar had once stung her neck; now the same kind of p.r.i.c.kle was all over her face and throat.

Back in the bedroom, she took off her clothes and began was.h.i.+ng herself in hopes of getting rid of the fishy odor and the remaining s.e.m.e.n in her. The odor, however, didn't disappear; it was as if everything in the room were impregnated with it. She thought of burning her panties, but it occurred to her that they might be useful as evidence, so she wrapped them up in a s.h.i.+rt and put the bundle on the wooden board under her bed. As for the s.e.m.e.n, even after she had jumped up and down thirty times, not a drop of it came out. She had no idea how much of it had entered her uterus. This uncertainty frightened her.

That night, not daring to arouse her roommates' suspicion, she covered her head with her quilt and wept noiselessly, unable to decide whether she should tell somebody about the rape. How she was longing to cry in a pair of warm, reliable arms and let out everything bottled up in her. Or if only she had had a house for herself, where she could cry to her heart's content and yell at the top of her lungs without being heard by others. But in this small room shared by four people, she kept her left hand around her throat all the while, until the weeping exhausted her and she fell asleep.

10.

Manna's eyes became blue-lidded the next morning. The nurses in the Medical Ward asked her why she looked so pallid, and they advised her to take a day off. She told them that she was allergic to the fried beltfish they had eaten the day before, but she felt much better now. She was amazed by her ability to come up with such an answer. For the whole morning, whenever the telephone rang, she would rush to answer it. Despite having a tearing headache and intense hatred for Geng Yang, she was expecting to hear from him, because she fancied that he might apologize to her and blame alcohol for what had happened. It seemed to her that the whole thing wasn't over yet. If he called and begged her for forgiveness, she wouldn't forgive him, and instead she would give him a round of blood-curdling curses.

Not having heard from him by midday, she phoned the Department of Infectious Diseases and was told that Geng Yang had checked out early in the morning, that a new patient had just moved into the room, and that a satchel containing some books had been left in the nurses' office for her to pick up. This information brought a flood of tears from her. Evidently Geng Yang had planned the rape. But it was too late to have him detained, as he had left Muji and the crime scene had been transformed.

What should she do? She was at a loss.

In the afternoon she tried keeping herself busy by doing whatever she could-wiping clean all the tables and chairs in the office, fetching boiled water for some patients, sorting and listing the sacks of holiday gifts donated by civilians-shoe pads, tobacco pouches, notebooks, preserved fruits, woolen gloves, candies. Hard as she tried, she couldn't concentrate on anything. Geng Yang's ghostly face would thrust itself into her view from time to time. Lacking an appet.i.te, she didn't eat dinner that evening.

She had no friend except for Haiyan. Unable to hold back her feelings any longer, she went the next evening to Haiyan's home, which was in a dormitory house at the east end of the hospital compound. Haiyan's husband, Honggan, was an officer in charge of recreational activities in the Propaganda Section. Haiyan had married him mainly because he could write and speak well; she had once revealed to Manna that she would never marry a doctor, who in her eyes was no more than a well-trained technician. She wanted an abler man.

”Come on in, Manna,” Haiyan said, pleased to see her.

Her husband was clearing the dining table. At the sight of Manna, he nodded and turned off the radio. He was a tall man with a carbuncular face and two gold teeth. Although Haiyan was happy with her marriage, many people would comment behind her back, ”A fresh rose is planted on a cowpat.”

”Haiyan,” Manna whispered, ”I want to talk to you. This is something just between us, very personal.”

Haiyan took her into the bedroom. ”What is it?” she asked, placing both hands on her protruding belly. She had been pregnant for five months.

”I-I was raped.”

”What?”

”I was raped by Geng Yang.”

”How did it happen?”

”He lured me into his room and raped me.”

”Slow down. Say it clearly. What do you mean he lured you into his room?”

In a shaky voice Manna described how he had invited her to the ward and what he had done to her. Tears were trickling down her face. Now and then her tongue stuck out licking the tears from her upper lip.

Honggan cried from the other room, ”Haiyan, I've left some hot water on the stove. If you want tea, you can use it. I'm leaving now.”

”Where are you going?”

<script>