Part 13 (1/2)
He explained to her what was on his mind. To his surprise, she asked calmly, ”Do you have the money?”
”No, I only have six hundred in the bank. Don't you have some savings?”
”Yes, a little.” She didn't tell him the amount, which he was eager to know.
”Maybe we can borrow some from others if we decide to do it,” he said. ”What do you think?”
After a pause, she said, ”If you don't have the money, don't think about it.” She frowned and her lips tightened. Apparently she must have thought this matter over as well; he was amazed by her definitive answer.
He realized she was unwilling to share the cost if they decided to spend the money. This realization daunted him. Never had he thought that he could save such an amount by himself, not to mention borrow the money and pay back the debt alone. He asked her, ”So what should we do? Just wait?”
”I don't know,” she said despairingly. ”I'm afraid that giving Bensheng money will be like hitting a dog with a meatball-nothing will come back. But I thought you must've saved that much, haven't you?”
”No, I only have six hundred.”
”If you had the money, we might think of doing it.”
”So we shouldn't try?”
”No.” She turned away and resumed checking the daily record.
Silence filled the room. He felt ashamed, because by custom it was the man who should pay all the expenses to take his bride home. It was unreasonable for him to ask her for help. Perhaps he should never have talked with her about this matter.
9.
On Tuesday morning, Manna ran into Geng Yang at the bus stop in front of the hospital's theater. These days he had been busy packing up, sending his belongings to the train station, and paying farewell visits to his friends and fellow townsmen in the city. He told her, ”I still have two of Lin's books with me. Can you come and take them back?”
”When will you be in?”
”Anytime this evening. I'll leave tomorrow afternoon.”
She said she would come at around eight, since she worked the day s.h.i.+ft now. He grinned, his eyes s.h.i.+ning with a gleam which unnerved her slightly, as if some gnats were flying in his irises and yellowing the black. She turned and walked away, sure that he was observing her from behind. What hungry eyes he has, she thought.
Though often disturbed by Geng Yang's eyes, she rather liked him. In many ways he was more like a man to her, strong, straightforward, fearless, and even coa.r.s.e. She wished that Lin could be a little more like him, or that the two men could exchange some of their traits so that both their characters would be more balanced. Lin was too much of a gentleman, good-tempered and studious, with little manly pa.s.sion.
Lin had left for Shenyang City a week ago. After his departure, a feeling of peace had settled in Manna. She found herself not missing him very much. To some extent she enjoyed being alone, at least for a few weeks, during which she didn't need to wash laundry for Lin or have him on her mind constantly. But whenever she bickered with a colleague or something went awry at work, she wished Lin were around so that she could talk to him. This feeling made her realize that, in addition to forming a family and having children, a marriage might also provide an opportunity for a couple to talk and listen to each other, since they wouldn't dare speak their minds in public.
Having more time now, she registered in the hospital's night school to learn English, which had become popular after Richard Nixon's visit to China in 1972. Recently it was said that a foreign language exam would be required for a nurse to be promoted to a.s.sistant doctor. Before the 1960s Latin had been the only foreign language acceptable for the medical profession, but now both English and j.a.panese could fulfill the requirement. As a result, more than forty nurses enrolled for the night cla.s.s. At the time English dictionaries were difficult to come by, and Haiyan helped Manna buy a pocket copy through a relation of hers in town. Haiyan had married the previous summer and was also a head nurse now. Because she was pregnant, she wouldn't be attending the night school. The cla.s.s would start in a few days, on December 8. A woman lecturer from Muji Teachers College was to teach it.
In the evening, Manna set off for the Department of Infectious Diseases to fetch Lin's books. It was so cold that she could see the wisps of her breath. The moon was round and silvery, cleaving the clouds which were swaying like waves. Moonlight filtered through the naked branches and scattered dappled patches on the snowcovered ground. A few birds flew up in the darkness, their wings tw.a.n.ging and phosph.o.r.escent. Ahead of her, skeins of snow dust, blown up by the wind, were slithering and twisting. Under her feet the snow was crunchy while the wind was crying like a baby.
She raised the leatherette door curtain and entered the building, which was dim and quiet inside, as though deserted. Climbing the stairs, she couldn't help envying the nurses in charge of this building. Apparently they had fewer patients here and much less work to do.
Geng Yang, in gray pajamas, answered the door and let her in. The room reeked of alcohol, and the air was damp because of the steam rising from a wet jacket on the radiator beneath the window. The frosted panes were purplish against the night. She turned and looked at him; he grinned with bloodshot eyes as if to acknowledge his drunken state. His face was sallow in the fluorescent light, which rendered his cheeks concave and his mustache spiky. On the bed that Lin had once occupied lay an opened suitcase, partly filled with clothes and pillow towels of various colors-pink, orange, yellow, saffron. Obviously they were gifts from his men. Two thick novels, The Golden Broad Road The Golden Broad Road and and The Chronicle of the Red Flag, The Chronicle of the Red Flag, were on a bedside cabinet; next to the books stood a liquor bottle, short-necked and half empty. A picture of an ear of golden corn curved along the side of the bottle. were on a bedside cabinet; next to the books stood a liquor bottle, short-necked and half empty. A picture of an ear of golden corn curved along the side of the bottle.
”You're drowning yourself in this stuff again?” she said, pointing at the liquor. She took off her fur hat and put it under her arm.
”He-he-he,” he chuckled. ”Sit down, Manna. Let me ask you something.” He went to the door and locked it.
”What?” she asked with a start, putting Lin's books into her satchel.
”Why are you so concerned about me?” His eyes were leering at her as he put both hands on her shoulders to make her sit down on the bed. She blushed and turned her head, facing the wall.
”Come on, look at me,” he said. ”Don't you have some good feelings about me?”
She was too fl.u.s.tered to reply, her heart throbbing. He went on, ”Tell me, why did you buy me the strawberries?”
She was shocked. For a second she wanted to laugh, but she controlled herself.
Hearing no answer, he grasped her arm with his right hand. The grip was so forceful that she cried, ”Take your hands off me!” Her hat dropped on the floor, but she couldn't bend down to pick it up.
”Listen to me, my little virgin. Am I not a better man than Lin Kong? Why are you so devoted to that sissy?”
”Who told you that about me?” she exclaimed. ”Shameless, all men are shameless.”
”Yes, I am a shameless man where pretty women are concerned.”
”Geng Yang, you're drunk and out of your mind, or you wouldn't talk like this.”
”No, my mind isn't drunk although my face is red. I know you are always interested in me. I saw that in your eyes. In fact I can smell that in a woman.” He began coughing, covering his mouth with his palm. His breath was hot and sour.
”Let me go please.”
”No, you can't.”
”You're Lin's friend. How could you treat his fiancee this way? Don't you know the saying, 'A good man must never take liberties with his friend's wife'?”
He threw his head back and let out a laugh, which shook her heart. ”How could a virgin be thought of as a wife?” he asked. ”Do you believe Lin Kong will marry you? You aren't even his mistress, are you? He's no good and doesn't know how to handle a woman.”
”Stop it. Let me go.” She bent down and picked up her hat, but he grasped her shoulder and blocked her way.
He went on, ”Wait, let me finish. He told me that he had never slept with you. How could he do that? I saw his d.i.c.k when we bathed together in the bathhouse. I've wondered ever since if he's a bis.e.xual.”
His last sentence threw her into a daze. She held out her hand and grasped the bedpost to support herself. Then she thought, This cannot be true. Lin had a baby with Shuyu and his Adam's apple always juts out. If he weren't normal, he couldn't have pa.s.sed the recruitment physical. ”Don't slander my man!” she cried out. ”Let me go, or I'll scream.”
Before she could say more, his large hand seized her throat. ”Shut up!” he rasped. ”If you shout again, I'll strangle you.”
”Don't, don't hurt me. Geng Yang, you're a revolutionary officer and shouldn't do this. Please-”
”No, I'm not an officer anymore, so I don't care. Why should I? Now, you delivered yourself to me, didn't you? Didn't you come here of your own free will? Everybody will take you to be a s.l.u.t.”
”You told me to come and pick up the books!”
”How can you prove that?”