Part 44 (2/2)

”Yesterday. I was told she was talking with you, and then she just went down.”

”I'm fine.” I hear Rose's sweet voice to my right.

”Rose.” She's standing next to my bed now and running her hand up and down my arm.

”How you feel?” she asks me.

”I'm good. A little pain right now. But...you pa.s.sed out?”

She rolls her eyes. ”I'm glad you don't remember.”

”Remember?”

”Okay, son,” the nurse interrupts, ”I'll give you two some privacy. I'll be back.” She leaves and closes the door.

”So, I was awake when you pa.s.sed out?”

”Unfortunately.”

”What happened?”

She lets go of my hand and pulls up her chair. ”You...well...you told me you had...your...it...amputated.”

”And that made you pa.s.s out?” I ask, not getting it.

She nods.

Then she cries.

”Rose?”

”I'm so sorry. I really am. You wanted to keep it and then I was saying all that stuff about infections, and I was selfish, and now you had it taken off, and I...Oh, Ben, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you....” She's rambling and sobbing at the same time. She only stops because her words get stuck in the tears in her throat.

”Rose. Rose.” I place my hand on top of hers and squeeze as tightly as I can, considering I'm weak as h.e.l.l right now. ”Rose. It was my decision. Mine. I'm a big boy. No one makes me do anything I don't want to do. I swear to you. My choice.”

She's still crying, but she seems to settle down a little. ”Really?”

”Really. Did you pa.s.s out because you thought you made me do this?”

She's frowning and her eyes look so sad. ”I don't know, Ben. I don't know why I pa.s.sed out, but I remember feeling so sad that you...you lost your leg and...I know I made you feel bad about me and then I remembered how devastating it was when they told me they had to remove part of my leg and I thought, 'Oh my G.o.d, he's gonna be devastated too,' and...and the thoughts kept coming and I just couldn't get...”

”Rose.” I squeeze her hand again. ”Stop. You're gonna do this to yourself again. Just...it's okay. I'm okay. I really, really am. I had time to make this decision. You didn't. So there's a difference. I'm oh...kay. Please know that.”

She nods, but still looks devastated.

”Please smile, half-pint. I need to see your smile.”

She smiles. It doesn't reach her eyes, but it's a start.

”Now tell me...does this f.u.c.kin' pain go away any time soon?”

She shakes her head. ”I don't think so, but I woke up almost two months after mine was amputated. I think you're probably gonna be in a lot more pain than I can remember.” She still has tears running down her face.

”Please stop crying, Rose. Please. Seeing you sad makes me sad. I don't want to be sad right now...and I'm in so much f.u.c.king pain.

They have me so drugged up, but it still f.u.c.king hurts.”

”Yeah...I can tell you're drugged up,” she says, trying to rein in her tears and wiping her face with her sleeve. ”You're kinda talking slow and slurring some words.”

”s.h.i.+t.”

”It's okay. It sounds cute. But go to sleep, Ben. I'll be here. You need to sleep, I can tell. And I'm sorry I cried. I'm...I am.”

”Half-pint, it's okay. Really. But don't stay. Go to school.” I squeeze her hand, but my grip is quickly losing squeezing power. ”I'm just gonna be sleeping or poked and prodded or whatever they have planned for me.”

”I really want to stay.”

”Dance, Rose. You just started dancing again. You got a routine going. Please, for me. You can come back on the weekend. Don't stop your life while I'm here. 'Kay? You'll go home and dance. For me?”

”I guess.” She sighs and leans across my chest. ”I'm so sorry,” she cries.

”Rosie, stop. I'm fine.” I rub my hand on her back, but then we're interrupted by the door opening.

Rose stands up, and I can't believe who just walked through my door.

”Hi, Ben. I hope this isn't too soon.”

”You're the scout for the...”

”Yup. The New York...”

”Oh my G.o.d, why are you here?”

”We have an offer to make you.”

43.

ROSE.

Forty-five minutes.

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