Part 26 (2/2)
”John. I knew this would happen. I shouldn't have allowed you to take it out.”
Isaiah turns on the machine and sticks the tubes up Johnny's nose.
Rose walks over to Johnny and sits on the coffee table in front of him. ”It's getting to you,” she acknowledges.
He blinks.
”Your life's not what you'd planned. It's like someone slipped the rug out from under you.”
”Yeah. And now I have no way of getting up.”
”You say my legs work, but I feel the same exact way as you do. I had plans. Now I don't.”
”Rose. Make new plans. I get it. You were a dancer, right? Well...now you can't dance. But you can live. You can sit, you can stand. You know what? I can stand too. Watch this.”
Johnny maneuvers the mouth tube on his chair with his tongue and he slowly rises. His chair stops when it reaches full height and he's nearly in standing position. ”I can f.u.c.king stand. How 'bout that? Now what can I f.u.c.king do with that?”
Rose drops her head.
Johnny comes back down. ”I'm sorry, Rose. It beat me. I was trying, you know, for my mother's sake.”
For the first time ever, I see Johnny cry. It doesn't take long for Rose to follow.
”What made you...so happy before? If you don't mind my asking.”
”Hope.”
”You don't have it anymore?” she asks.
After some heavy inhales, he says, ”I can't even flip a decent bird. Chances are I won't get much movement past my fingertips.”
”What about the whole Stephen Hawking thing and your hi-tech computer?” I ask.
”Mom needs somebody to pay the bills.”
”And?”
”Maybe Isaiah will take that place,” he says seriously. I realize his garbage comment was not a joke at all.
”So what? You just sit here 'til the end of time? How's that any better?” Now I'm mad.
”I can't even play my f.u.c.king video games. They set me up with this thing-” he looks down at some square thing on his chair ”-but I gotta f.u.c.kin' blow into it to make moves, and it's so f.u.c.king slow it's lame. Maybe I'll just write movie reviews. All I do is watch movies all the d.a.m.n time.”
”Then write f.u.c.king movie reviews. Don't just sit here and give up.”
”Easy for a two-legged, perfectly capable baseball player to say.”
”Okay,” Rose chimes in. ”Let's not do this, please.”
”I'm sorry, Rose,” Johnny tells her.
”Yeah. Sorry,” I repeat. ”Johnny, let me bring Rose home and you and I can hang out. Can I crash on your couch tonight?”
”Really?”
”Yeah.”
About fifteen minutes later, Rose and I are in my car pulling away from the curb.
”I'm really sorry about canceling our date tonight, Rose. I just think he really needs a friend right now.”
”Please don't apologize. I think he needs a friend too. I feel so bad. I wasn't...well...you told me how together he was, so I wasn't expecting him to be like that, but truthfully...that's how I would have originally thought him to be. It amazed me that he wasn't.”
”Really? You think he's acting normal?”
”In my opinion, yes. I mean look at me...and like he said, I have two working legs...yet I still can't get over it. I'm glad you're his friend, Ben. He needs someone like you.”
I am sad the whole car ride home and I think Rose feels it, because she doesn't talk much and neither do I. Our date tonight is important to me, but something tells me Johnny's life is at stake here. He doesn't have the means to end it, but I could see in his eyes that he wants to. I'm pretty sure Rose suspects something like that too, but we don't talk about it. We ride in silence instead. Not even the radio is turned on.
Back on the last stretch of road that leads to Rose's farm, I remember that things weren't going too well with her sisters. ”Rose, are you gonna be okay at home? It just occurred to me that you and your sisters had an argument.”
”I'll be fine. It was just a sister thing.” She pats my hand on the gears.h.i.+ft. ”Please don't worry about me. Worry about Johnny. He really needs you. I'll be fine.”
In her driveway, I put the car in park and turn toward her. ”I really do want to take you out on a date, you know.”
”I know,” she says, smiling. ”We'll get there. This is important.”
”Yeah.”
”Ben?”
”Yeah?”
”You seem...very compa.s.sionate for a college guy. Maybe that's why you're in the field you're in and all...but...I don't need for you to...fix me. I hope that's not why you're here.”
I shake my head. ”No, not at all.”
”I mean, you came to my rescue the other night. That was sweet. You saved me from a cold night in the truck. But please don't feel obligated to be with me like you do Johnny.”
”I don't feel obligated to be with Johnny. Not because he needs fixing or I feel sorry for him. I like him. Isn't that what friends do? Aren't friends there for one another when they need them?”
”Of course. Of course that's what friends do. I'm sorry. I am. About saying that about you being obligated. I didn't mean that. Just...please don't try to heal me.” She pauses, but then says, ”I might not want to be healed.”
I nod, not quite sure how to take that. Why wouldn't she want to get better?
I open my door to get out and walk her to the porch. ”I don't want to fix you, Rose. That's not what I'm about. But...when I care for somebody, I can't help it if I want to take care of them.”
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