c12 (1/2)

The Left Ear – Chapter 12

Time just passes by, but time won’t lie to us My faith in love made the blood in my heart boil So, I also smiled at him

He was a bit taken aback at the smile Then he finished up his rice and said to o”

That night, Xu Yi sent me to the female dormitory and made a call

Not long after, a short-haired girl carabbed onto o”

I wasn’t used to being so close with a stranger, so I pushed her off

Xu Yi gave a er sister Take care of her”

The girl ser sisters do you have?”

”Just the two of you,” Xu Yi answered

The girl laughed and said goodbye to him Then she pulled me upstairs

In order to avoid having to speak too irl, I quickly went to bed and pretended to be sound asleep But I heard her introducing irlfriend”

They called hi boy I saw at his doruessed that Xu Yi would be uess The pluirls to becrept into my heart, and it made me more tired, so I really fell asleep

Early in thefor irl passed by him and cried out softly

He said, ”I’ll take you to our cafeteria to eat breakfast”

”No need,” I said ”I’ry”

”But I ao”

I persisted in not going Then he said helplessly, ”Fine, we’ll go out to eat”

I followed hi the campus On our way to the bank, he stopped by a bar’s takeout counter and bought a few fried buns We split them to eat He pulled out a napkin froood quality Books say that boys who carry around napkins are ones with character

As alked, he asked me, ”Li Er, how do you write your name?”

”wang radical with er from ear”

”Are you good friends with Bala?” he asked

”Yes, but Bala’s dead,” I said

”Right” He glanced atabout that”

”Don’t get hurt again because of her,” I said

He laughed haha, ”It’s cute how silly you are She’s already dead, what’s there to be hurt about? Moreover, she is her, and I ao”

I felt stifled and couldn’t say anything And like that, we arrived at the bank I asked him, ”How much do you want? Five or six thousand?”

He thought for a moment, ”Six”

And then he added, ”Don’t worry, I’ll return it quickly”

”Oh,” I said

”Thanks,” he said

I lifted e He also looked at me, but this made me feel a kind of despair that left er And ly insisted to myself, maybe it was just a scary illusion I’d conjured up on my own

God, where can I understand what true love means?

Nine days after I helped Xu Yi pay off his debt, I got a phone call He got right to the point, ”Li Er, I still need another two thousand”

I said, ”I don’t have it”

”Okay,” he said ”Bye”

I stared attime, then I called him back He answered very quickly I finally said, ”I’ll send it to you at the weekend”

”That’s too late,” he said ”I’ll come to your school to pick it up”

At noon, I went to the bank near my school and withdrew my last 2,000 dollars I stuffed it into my backpack and waited at the train station exit for Xu Yi Pairs and pairs of couples passed by irlfriend on the cheek I averted round There was a very dirty brick There was soum stuck to it My sto to faint That’s when Xu Yi appeared in front ofYou should cut it”

Dizzily, I asked hiain?”

”This ti sorade my computer”

I loweredit to hiave his thanks I said, ”No need” He said, ”Then, I’s to finish”

I said, ”Oh”

He turned around, back to the train After two steps, he turned back and said, ”Li Er, do you have time this weekend?”

I nodded my head

He said, ”Come to the bar then I don’t have to work on Sunday, but I’ll be hanging out there at night”

I smiled

He waved at me, then left

After Xu Yi left, I decided to skip class I went to a hair salon The worker greetedthis and that type of haircut I cut her short, ”I don’t have any money Just cut it, make it short”

Maybe because they saw they wouldn’t be able to make money from me, so they sent me to a barber who seemed a bit foolish HeI tried to cal, ”It’s fine Just cut it short The style doesn’t matter”

After hearing ratefully Then he said, ”Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you like it”

While I was at the salon, I texted You Ta, ”Please lend iven all the ure so out, I’ll starve to death

(t/n: Please note that I’ve been, and probably will continue to, use dollars and yuan interchangeably Money is all in RMB; you can look up if you want to see how much it is in local currency)

You Ta didn’t respond to text, but called right away He asked, ”Li Er, what do you need h money to use?”

While the hairdryer was on noisily in the background, I lied, ”That’s not it I’ a new computer, but I’m a little short on the money”

”Does your ree to it?”

”If you don’t want to lend it to me, that’s fine”

He kept asking,” You just started school Why do you need a computer?”

I said, ”I want to write sos”

”Oh, okay By the way, how is Shanghai?”

”It’s fine,” I said

”Okay,” You Ta said ”Send me your card number”

”Don’t tell my mom,” I said

”Okay,” You Ta said reluctantly ”But I’ht ofto help”

”M at my heart ”Thank you, I’ll return it to you as soon as possible”

”Don’t work too hard Shanghai’s big If you do any tutoring or soirl so be careful Don’t be blind, got it? If there’s anything else, you can tell me”

I suddenly really wanted to cry At the same time, I really wanted to know, if You Ta knehy I was borrowing money from him, would he kill me?

I put away htened my head and turned to theeyes The front was very neat I was very happy with my new haircut, so I made a face at the mirror

That week, I found a job I helped tidy up books at the library The person who introduced me to the job was Senior Lin She was already in Year 3, also in the Chinese department She often helped out at the library, and since I visited there often, she started to talk to entle words She was very neat with her work She didn’t make people nervous, so I slowly started to like her Sometimes, when the library was mostly empty, Lin would sit across froently and said, ”Li Er, there really aren’t irls like you who like to read books”

When Lin and I left the library at 9 PM after cleaning up, ere already so hungry ere going to faint Lin suggested a place to eat I declined, saying I had soly I turned around to wave goodbye, and she still stood there, at a distance, looking at ly Lin didn’t have a boyfriend, so she was lonely on the weekends Actually, I really did want to eat with her, but I didn’t want her to treat And I couldn’t afford to treat anyone, so it could only be like this

I had soot back to the dorirls in s to entertain the with myself For the whole day, I kept le He already started a new life He’d forgotten Bala a long tio I should have washed and slept already I closed ain But I couldn’t do it Not even three ed into a pair of clean jeans, put on my hello Kitty sweatshi+rt, and put on my backpack I opened the dorm door and left

The October evening on campus was filled with an indescribable scent It was intoxicating, and I wanted to cry I carried a depressed ht piece of paper, unable to be controlled When I got to the school gate, I saw Lin She ith a slightly fat, tall boy I slowed my steps I saw hiently I saw her hold back soht I understood Lin didn’t really like that boy, she was just lonely She just wanted someone to have a meal with her But me… Why did I do it? I hurtme

The last train for the day whistled away behind e and unfahai October sky, I don’t knohy, but I suddenly thought of setting off fireworks on the roof that night I illing to believe that every firework that lit up the sky would never be extinguished They would eventually ascend to the heavens and beco off the fireworks had already scattered into the seas of people, no longer clear where they were headed

I pushed open the bar doors It was 10 PM Compared to the last time I was there, the bar was full and lively A band was perfor, ”Oh… Oh… I look back and forth, but that picture’s the best You and I, we take pictures until we’ve turned old If we didn’t seek out trouble, ould we need to grieve over? You and I, did we love just for the fun? Watching the days pass by, it’s no big deal…”

People’s silhouettes shook back and forth I looked all around but didn’t see Xu Yi A waiter passed by, and I grabbed onto him I asked him, ”Excuse me, do you see Xu Yi?”

”Xu Yi?” He looked at uous smile He pointed to a corner, ”There!”

I turned that way and finally saw him I couldn’t see his face, but I kneas Xu Yi Xu Yi, whom I cared about deeply I wanted us to love each other He was holding a girl close to hireen trousers and a red top She closed her eyes Happiness oozed fro her

No, I should say, they were kissing each other Deeply, intoxicated, as if no one else were around

I went deaf I couldn’t hear anyslowly start to break apart I couldn’t contain the panic and the despair I told ht this out yourself This is what you must bear”

You deserve it

……

”Until the end, you can never give up!”

I had a read a book by Chiung Yao at the library She wrote of love in such a floay It wasn’t easy for her story to otten to me

I stood up unsteadily, and Lin eyed me with concern Then I left the library

The November weather was a bit cold

Witha small, quiet path on campus I took out my phone and typed out a text, ”Love, tell me, what should I do?”

I sent the text to Bala

Bala Bala

I closed my eyes

Bala Bala, uide e to keep believing, to keep going until the end Let me know that we’ll be able to find the happiness we seek

That night, in my dreams, I returned to 17 years old I drea a large gray coat, leaned in to er at me and said, ”I’ll never like you”

I looked at his arrogant face Hesitatingly, I reached out, wanting to touch it

This face that was cleaner and whiter than a girl’s, with large and bright eyes The dreah to shock me But when I reached out my hand, he turned around and ran

He ran out the blue doors into the piles of snow, never turning back I wanted to call out his naot what his name was

How can I call you back?

In round I tried really hard to re

Bala, my love I know that you won’t be able to answerht? I don’t know if I should reach out or let go Do you know, I always keep trying to guess what your final words tothat you’d toldhappiness It wasn’t until today that I have to ad hard to come by

I was tortured for the whole night by this hopeless dreairls in the dorm had already left, and then I realized it was the weekend I had a missed call from Lin I washed up quickly and rushed over to the library Lin was already there waiting for ht some pancakes and handed them to me

”You didn’t pick upto worry” Lin looked attone, ”Li Er, you’re a kid who makes people worry”

I bit off a hed

Lin said, ”Sometimes I want to transfer your brain into a computer and see what’s inside”

I continued giggling, and then said, ”I want to make money, the more the better”

She looked at me in surprise, ”Why do you already have a financial crisis when school just started?”

With some difficulty, I asked, ”Can you not ask?”

She gave ful look She pulled out a Mizuno planner from her pocket and opened it to reveal more than 30 name cards

”Fro class house, I can probably help you contact thes, I can help you figure things out until 12 o’clock

I reached out ed Lin She cried out and jumped in surprise

And then Lin really did arrange things and packedshoes every day so that I could run from the nearest district to school, and I wouldn’t have to take a taxi I pulled up my hair and tied it up the way Bala used to do My whole face was revealed, and it wasn’t beautiful to look at, but I didn’t care