Part 18 (2/2)
LAEt.i.tIA _alone_.
LAET. Sure, when he does not see his face, he won't discover him. Dear fortune, help me but this once, and I'll never run in thy debt again. But this opportunity is the Devil.
SCENE XXI.
FONDLEWIFE _returns with Papers_.
FOND. Good lack! good lack! I profess the poor man is in great torment; he lies as flat--Dear, you should heat a trencher, or a napkin.--Where's Deborah? Let her clap some warm thing to his stomach, or chafe it with a warm hand rather than fail. What book's this? [_Sees the book that_ BELLMOUR _forgot_.]
LAET. Mr. Spintext's prayer-book, dear. Pray Heaven it be a prayer-book. [_Aside_.]
FOND. Good man! I warrant he dropped it on purpose that you might take it up and read some of the pious e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns. [_Taking up the book_.] O bless me! O monstrous! A prayer-book? Ay, this is the devil's paternoster. Hold, let me see: The Innocent Adultery.
LAET. Misfortune! now all's ruined again. [_Aside_.]
BELL. [_Peeping_]. d.a.m.ned chance! If I had gone a-whoring with the Practice of Piety in my pocket I had never been discovered.
FOND. Adultery, and innocent! O Lord! Here's doctrine! Ay, here's discipline!
LAET. Dear husband, I'm amazed. Sure it is a good book, and only tends to the speculation of sin.
FOND. Speculation! No no; something went farther than speculation when I was not to be let in.--Where is this apocryphal elder? I'll ferret him.
LAET. I'm so distracted, I can't think of a lie. [_Aside_.]
SCENE XXII.
LAEt.i.tIA _and_ FONDLEWIFE _haling out_ BELLMOUR.
FOND. Come out here, thou Ananias incarnate. Who, how now! Who have we here?
LAET. Ha! [_Shrieks as surprised_.]
FOND. Oh thou salacious woman! Am I then brutified? Ay, I feel it here; I sprout, I bud, I blossom, I am ripe-horn-mad. But who in the devil's name are you? Mercy on me for swearing. But--
LAET. Oh! goodness keep us! Who are you? What are you?
BELL. Soh!
LAET. In the name of the--O! Good, my dear, don't come near it; I'm afraid 'tis the devil; indeed, it has hoofs, dear.
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