Part 18 (1/2)

SCENE XVIII.

[_To them_] FONDLEWIFE.

FOND. Here are fifty pieces in this purse, Sir Joseph; if you will tarry a moment, till I fetch my papers, I'll wait upon you down-stairs.

LAET. Ruined, past redemption! what shall I do--ha! this fool may be of use. (Aside.) [_As_ FONDLEWIFE _is going into the chamber_, _she runs to_ SIR JOSEPH, _almost pushes him down_, _and cries out_.] Stand off, rude ruffian. Help me, my dear. O bless me! Why will you leave me alone with such a Satyr?

FOND. Bless us! What's the matter? What's the matter?

LAET. Your back was no sooner turned, but like a lion he came open mouthed upon me, and would have ravished a kiss from me by main force.

SIR JO. O Lord! Oh, terrible! Ha, ha, ha. Is your wife mad, Alderman?

LAET. Oh! I'm sick with the fright; won't you take him out of my sight?

FOND. O traitor! I'm astonished. O b.l.o.o.d.y-minded traitor!

SIR JO. Hey-day! Traitor yourself. By the Lord Harry, I was in most danger of being ravished, if you go to that.

FOND. Oh, how the blasphemous wretch swears! Out of my house, thou son of the wh.o.r.e of Babylon; offspring of Bel and the Dragon.--Bless us!

ravish my wife! my Dinah! Oh, Shechemite! Begone, I say.

SIR JO. Why, the devil's in the people, I think.

SCENE XIX.

LAEt.i.tIA, FONDLEWIFE.

LAET. Oh! won't you follow, and see him out of doors, my dear?

FOND. I'll shut this door to secure him from coming back--Give me the key of your cabinet, c.o.c.ky. Ravish my wife before my face? I warrant he's a Papist in his heart at least, if not a Frenchman.

LAET. What can I do now! (Aside.) Oh! my dear, I have been in such a fright, that I forgot to tell you, poor Mr. Spintext has a sad fit of the colic, and is forced to lie down upon our bed--you'll disturb him; I can tread softlier.

FOND. Alack, poor man--no, no--you don't know the papers--I won't disturb him; give me the key. [_She gives him the key_, _goes to the chamber door and speaks aloud_.]

LAET. 'Tis n.o.body but Mr. Fondlewife, Mr. Spintext, lie still on your stomach; lying on your stomach will ease you of the colic.

FOND. Ay, ay, lie still, lie still; don't let me disturb you.

SCENE XX.