Chapter 28 (1/2)

Twenty-eight

I have not seen his face, nor have I listened to his voice; only I have heard his gentle footsteps from the road before my house.

The livelong day has pa.s.sed in spreading his seat on the floor; but the lamp has not been lit and I cannot ask him into my house.

I live in the hope of meeting with him; but this meeting is not yet.

–Rabindranath Tagore, Gitanjali

CRACK!

Silvery lightning arced across the night sky. Four or five seconds later, thunder boomed.

Xu Ping s.h.i.+vered like a leaf as he rummaged for the house keys, a small puddle forming by his feet.

The house was not illuminated by lights but by the television screen on which a dubbed black-and-white film, Waterloo Bridge, was playing.

“But you don’t know me!” The woman argued anxiously.

“I’ll discover you, spend the rest of my life doing it.” The man held her gaze steadily.

“Xiao-Zheng?”

No answer came.

Xu Ping reached for the switch on the wall, but the lights in the living room did not turn on.

Right when he was pulling his hand back, somebody grabbed it, almost making him scream.

“Xiao-Zheng?!”

The other hand is big, dry and warm.

Xu Ping only grew easy as his eyes made out his brother’s silhouette in the darkness.

“Why didn’t you answer when I called you?”

Xu Zheng thought for a second. “The light bulb broke.”

Xu Ping stayed silent for a while before taking his hand back. “Oh, really? Leave it. I’ll change it later.”

He didn’t give an explanation for his late return home, and Xu Zheng didn’t inquire either, as though he forgot.

The wall clock ticked on.

Xu Ping remarked quietly after s.h.i.+vering, “It’s raining so hard outside.”

“Yeah.” A pause. “Your hand is wet.”

A smile found its way to Xu Ping’s lips. “Have you eaten yet?”

Xu Zheng shook his head.

“I’m going to take a shower and get changed. I’ll make some rice vermicelli later.”

Having gotten used to the dark living room, Xu Ping found the white incandescent light rather harsh. He squinted at the wall, its tiles a shade of oddly frightening white.

The latch on the door had been broken for a few weeks now and still had not been fixed.

He was soaked to his underwear. His sneakers squeaked with every step that he made like a sponge being squeezed. He took off his socks and found the skin on his toes all wrinkly.

With no b.u.t.tons to hold his s.h.i.+rt together, he had to do the job with his hands on the way home as he hurried past all the pedestrians holding an umbrella, afraid to look up. He had not felt it in the midst of crazed indulgence, but the moment clarity came to him, the shame and guilt seemed to swallow him whole. There was money in his pocket, but he was too self-conscious to take the bus, so he walked all the way home.

His body heat completely washed away by the rainwater, Xu Ping was so cold his teeth were chattering.

Stripping off the clothes heavy with water, he stepped into the tub eagerly.

The moment the hot water splashed onto his skin, he felt a tingle followed by a burning sensation. It was as if his nerve endings were damaged to the point of confusing the sensation of hot and cold.

He closed his eyes as the water fell onto his head.

Only after he felt his body warming up again did he reach over to draw the curtain, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

Xu Zheng was standing in the bathroom eyeing him with a haunting stare.

Most likely due to the forceful handling, his chest and thighs were spotted with purplish fingerprints. The four-digit bruises on his b.u.t.t cheeks were still very much present. His nipples were also red and swollen, appearing provocatively beautiful.

Xu Ping quickly pulled the curtain shut, barking, “Get out! Who told you to come in here?!”

The water splish-splashed away, but Xu Zheng did not answer.

Xu Ping took the shampoo container and hurled it outward. “Out!”

He heard the container clunk against the floor and bounce up to hit something else which led to even more clatter.

Then dead silence.

He sat in the tub hugging his legs, s.h.i.+vering.

Finally after ages, he lifted an edge of the curtain and looked out. His brother was long gone.

Water was bubbling noisily in the aluminum pot. He opened the lid, and white hot steam rushed at his face.

Xu Ping put in a handful of vermicelli and gave it a good stir. Then he made two omelettes.

And that was dinner.

Xu Ping placed a pair of chopsticks on the bowl before his brother. “Eat.”

Xu Zheng slowly picked up the utensils but his eyes never left his older brother.

Xu Ping just kept his head down eating.

Not enough salt. Oh well. It was too much of a bother to get it.

The egg was overcooked. He took a bite and felt there were bits of egg yolk stuck to his teeth.

Waterloo Bridge was coming to an end. Myra jumped, falling under speeding wheels, and the score began to play.

“I loved you. I’ve never loved anyone else. I never shall. That’s the truth, Roy. I never shall.”

Xu Ping went over and turned off the television.

He accidentally knocked down his chopsticks when getting back to his seat. He bent down to pick them up.

On the way back from the kitchen, he grabbed the salt. He sprinkled a little and stirred the noodles with the chopsticks, but it still didn’t taste like anything.

The hands on the wall clock pointed to nine-forty.

Unable to ignore it any longer, Xu Ping slapped his chopsticks onto the table and faced Xu Zheng with a glare. “What’re you looking at?!”

Xu Zheng replied, face emotionless, “I look at Gege’s neck.”

Xu Ping faltered as his hand involuntarily went up to his neck.

“There are handprints on your neck.”

Huang Fan had used a lot of force when he strangled him. Xu Ping didn’t even notice it had left marks.

“Why are handprints there?” His younger brother asked lowly while holding his chopsticks in an awkward position.

He continued his questioning, slowly but surely, and kept eye contact with his brother. “Where did Gege go today? I waited for you. You said you would come back soon. Who were you with?Gege –”

SCREEEECH.

The chair sc.r.a.ped harshly against the floor.

Xu Ping sprung up, hands on the table, chest heaving. Only after some time did he gather his breath and hiss coldly, “None of your business!”

His brother was apparently angry.

Xu Ping was was.h.i.+ng the dishes in the kitchen when he heard the bedroom door slam shut. Xu Ping froze for a second but continued his work as though nothing had happened.

After he stepped out of the kitchen, he found the lights off in his brother’s bedroom. He turned the doork.n.o.b but found it locked from the inside.

Only then did a hint of despair appear on his lowered face.