Chapter 27 (1/2)

Twenty-seven

No, I am not a child anymore; I have grown and matured through the adversity. But why do I yearn for the loving hands of my mom or any one of my family, or even of someone I know. Please come close to me in this lonely hour, please hold my hand tight and give to me love and power so I may overcome this arduous journey.

–Đặng Thùy Trâm, Last Night I Dreamed of Peace

Xu Ping’s hands would not stop trembling.

Only the top two b.u.t.tons remained intact on his s.h.i.+rt, but he couldn’t even get those small, white plastic pieces in place.

The door to the bedroom opened and closed. Huang Fan walked over while slipping into a T-s.h.i.+rt.

“It’s okay. My roommate is in his own room now. You had your face in the couch. He shouldn’t have seen it.”

Xu Ping merely continued his attempt at the b.u.t.tons with shaking hands as though he had not heard.

Huang Fan lit a cigarette and took a few puffs before rummaging through his closet and tossing a sweater to Xu Ping. “That s.h.i.+rt of yours is no good. Use mine for now.”

The white sweater fell on the younger man’s lap but soon slipped onto the floor.

Watching this, Huang Fan stubbed out the smoke and approached Xu Ping. “I’ll help you.”

Before he even got close enough to touch Xu Ping, the latter hissed loudly, “Don’t touch me!”

Huang Fan’s hand stayed frozen in midair for some time before dropping to his side and forming a tight fist, but his face showed none of it. He chuckled, “Why are you so scared? I’m not in the mood anymore even if you want to do it now.”

Xu Ping had finally conquered the first b.u.t.ton and moved his s.h.i.+vering hands to the second one.

Huang Fan picked up the sweater from the ground, dusted it off and held it up before Xu Ping. “Wear this. The b.u.t.tons on your s.h.i.+rt all broke off, and the fabric is thin. You’re going to catch a cold in the rain.”

Xu Ping kept his head down in silence.

Huang Fan slid his hands into the sweater from the bottom and stretched it out for Xu Ping. “Come on. Head first.”

Xu Ping slapped the garment to the floor.

He glared at the other man with something akin to hatred before slowly moving his gaze away. “I was wrong. I should’ve never come here.”

Huang Fan paused and then let his head fall back as he guffawed.

Then suddenly he grabbed Xu Ping by the collar and threw him against the wall. “Say that again, you motherf.u.c.ker!”

Xu Ping looked up at him and enunciated clearly, “I should’ve never –”

But he didn’t get to finish because Huang Fan grabbed his neck.

Xu Ping’s neck was the most beautiful, most delicate part of his body. Sometimes Huang Fan could get lost just looking at a small tilt of Xu Ping’s head.

When he was on the student council, he did all he could to keep Xu Ping close to him. He organized numerous events every single term, not to promote extracurricular activities for all the students, but to spend as much time as he could with this boy. Their cla.s.srooms were on different floors, but he would take the long route for no reason and would look in, searching for his figure seemingly unintentionally. Sometimes the boy would be reading, or chatting with cla.s.smates, or lying on his desk snoozing, showing off a section of his fair neck. A trivial scene like that could keep him reminiscing all day long.

He quickly let go.

Xu Ping slumped to the floor, coughing violently.

After a very long time, he finally caught his breath. He spoke, hand on his neck. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Huang Fan clenched his teeth.

Xu Ping picked up his pants and put them on.

The other b.u.t.tons on his s.h.i.+rt had completely come loose from the earlier episode, and he couldn’t cover himself fully even if he used both his hands to hold the s.h.i.+rt close.

“I’m sorry,” Huang Fan said in an undertone.

Xu Ping announced softly, “I have to go home. It’s late. My brother must be worried sick.”

Huang Fan grabbed him. “Forget your brother. You and him have no future. What can he do for you? All he will do is drag you down! He doesn’t even have the ability to survive in this world; he’s just an idiot! It’s the same as you loving a dog! Be with me, Xu Ping! We share the same interests and pa.s.sions. I love you, and I am capable of taking care of you. Being gay is still taboo, but you will be ten times less stressed than now!”

Xu Ping peeled his hand off and replied calmly, “Thank you, Huang Fan. But if it weren’t for Xu Zheng, I wouldn’t even be gay.”

That night, the rain didn’t stop until the wee hours of the morning.